"I am speaking to the fire inside of me"

Ghost Rider
1 hr, 50 min
Starring: Nick Cage, Peter Fonda (as the Devil), Sam "Like a Ninja, only Cooler and with a Texas accent" Elliott, and Eva Mendez's cleavage

It's a fun movie, but hard to classify in that, like Blade, it's either a Diet Horror Movie or a Dark But Non-Spandexed Super Hero Movie. It's not silly, but neither does it take itself too seriously.

The CGI is impressive, the action scenes deliver, the plot moves at a decent pace.

The occultism is passable, kind of what you'd expect from a comic (For example: the Nephilim are mentioned, but instead of human-fallen angel crossbreeds, they're a kind of diabolical elemental).

It does, however, have the best damn implementation of Mark 5:9 that I have EVER seen.

The demonic villains are spooky (in fact, Wes Bently, in the role of Blackheart, has a bad-boy gothiness that's damn cute -- like he's Elijah Woods' older, delinquent brother) but not icky (well, Peter Fonda is kind of wrinkly).

Nick Cage plays the same role he's played in basically every movie he's been in since Leaving Las Vegas: like Keanu Reeves with better kinesthesia and a slightly southern accent. If you don't hate him, he does a good job; if you don't like Nick Cage, there's really nothing in this movie that'll change your mind (for that, see Lord of War).

Eva Mendez... has cleavage. And shows it a lot. Don't get me wrong, it's nice cleavage, very photogenic, and I can't even say it's inappropriate. It's just that the emphasis on her huge tracts of land makes it hard for me to take her seriously as anything other than the typical love interest / damsel in distress.

Yes, she picks up a shotgun once. It does fuck-all.

Sam Elliott steals the show, especially with THAT scene. You'll know it when you see it. I swear, this man is the living embodiment of the Ninja Rule, except that he's a badass Texas cowboy.

You doubt me? I put it to you thusly: Would The Big Lebowski have been half as enjoyable if it lacked drawled narration such as

The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.

I thought not.


In conclusion: It's not The Crow, but neither is it The Crow 2. Catch it as a matinee.

My Score: 3 ankhs out of 5.