tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6649591714373684167.post2669149193655513327..comments2024-02-29T16:43:55.241-05:00Comments on Lurking Rhythmically: ManeuverErin Palettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09984632637166408245noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6649591714373684167.post-56448979337023768262009-11-12T21:35:38.043-05:002009-11-12T21:35:38.043-05:00Regardless, i really enjoyed it.Regardless, i really enjoyed it.Danicusnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6649591714373684167.post-73526540256552321482009-11-12T21:35:16.717-05:002009-11-12T21:35:16.717-05:00Really good work, though DemonicBunny's reword...Really good work, though DemonicBunny's rewording of the final paragraph would clear up those minor bits of contention.Danicusnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6649591714373684167.post-43674788936832548812009-11-12T18:54:56.402-05:002009-11-12T18:54:56.402-05:00I suppose there's nothing wrong with feelings ...I suppose there's nothing wrong with feelings of sadness; my main concern was that on first reading of the first draft, my test audience still thought it was a human pilot (despite subtle references to reaction speed and g-tolerances in excess of human parameters). <br /><br />The whole point of this story was "I hope that, in the future, fewer veterans die due to use of robots and drones in warfare." That's why I wrote it on Veteran's Day. <br /><br />Again, I know it's not my best work. The sentiment behind it was real, though.Erin Palettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09984632637166408245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6649591714373684167.post-89775779315545785272009-11-12T18:28:27.547-05:002009-11-12T18:28:27.547-05:00Is there anything wrong with feelings of sadness a...Is there anything wrong with feelings of sadness at the death of the pilot?<br /><br />I mean, even if it's an AI it's still a sentient and thus its passing is sad.<br />Just as sad as it would have been if it had been a biological entity with no sense of self-preservation (an alien bee of sorts).<br /><br />Also there is a sort of disharmony between "I can not die" and "my death".<br /><br />If I (with my crappy writing skills) would rewrite the last paragraph it would be something like:<br /><br />"That this will result in my destruction does not concern me, for it is my destiny. I am an Apis DF-12 Drone Fighter. I feel no pain and do not fear death. I cease to be so that my people do not.<br /><br />Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori."<br /><br />Or something like that.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16107912572769487068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6649591714373684167.post-89526438900529142422009-11-12T18:08:09.086-05:002009-11-12T18:08:09.086-05:00Point #1: I tried that in the first draft and the ...Point #1: I tried that in the first draft and the reader expressed feelings of sadness that the pilot died. I then had to explain what "Drone Fighter" meant. I decided that having the point of the story be clearly understood trumped any concern about subtle language. <br /><br />#2: I didn't do a very good job of explaining it, apparently. The drone fighters are launched in a barrage, a la the Macross Missile Massacre. I decided that an angry insect analogy would be most appropriate, so I went with a Killer Bee motif. I was going to use *more* insect imagery but then risked confusion with the narrator being an actual living, albeit alien, thing. <br /><br />#3: The narrator is intended to be a sophisticated AI of sorts, advanced enough to have sapience (has hunches, makes judgements)but lacking the survival instinct of the Id and therefore having no need of the Super-Ego. It's just a construct of pure Ego. <br /><br />So, yeah. I wasn't very happy with how it turned out, but I couldn't think of any way to improve it. I can see, based on your comments, that there is definitely room for improvement. Any suggestions in that direction are most welcome.Erin Palettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09984632637166408245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6649591714373684167.post-67484389842008508652009-11-12T13:59:43.807-05:002009-11-12T13:59:43.807-05:00Bunny likes.
Although IMHO you could have left th...Bunny likes.<br /><br />Although IMHO you could have left the identity of the pilot a bit more vague (by for example scratching the "I'm not alive" part).<br /><br />I think it would add some mystique/food for thought if it was left open for speculation if it was an AI or maybe a specialized drone soldier belonging to some sort of bee people.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16107912572769487068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6649591714373684167.post-57990989371316706182009-11-12T13:54:56.573-05:002009-11-12T13:54:56.573-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16107912572769487068noreply@blogger.com