Ich bin ein Berliner

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I AM A JELLY DONUT

A Berliner Pfannkuchen (also called Berliner Ballen, Berliner, or Bismarck in Canada) is a predominantly German and Central European doughnut made from sweet yeast dough fried in fat or oil, with a marmalade or jam filling and usually icing, powdered sugar or conventional sugar on top. They are also sometimes available with a chocolate, champagne, custard, mocha, or advocaat filling, or with no filling at all. The filling is injected using a large syringe after cooking.

Heed ye well the Lesson of the Jelly Donut, and seek ye to emulate its noble virtues!

• Have a sweet exterior, that all may find ye pleasant, yet shapeth that sweetness into a crisp protective coating. Remember, bullshit and a pleasant smile turneth away wrath surer than bullshit alone.
  
• Be substantial in the middle, and thusly all shall find ye desirable enough to eat, nudge nudge wink wink, but not so doughy that people look at ye and sayeth "God no, that's so unhealthy I can feel my arteries hardening from here." Because some kinds of hardness be good, and other kinds be bad, and seek ye only the proper kinds of hardness. Or the improper kinds, if that be what ye are into. Eris doth not care who ye screweth, frankly.
  
• Finally, though thy skin be firm and thy middle ample, thy soul must be rich, creamy, and silky smooth, for verily, with whom wouldst thou preferest to hang, a prickly douche or a sweet jelly? Knowest this: a jelly donut which lacketh pleasant jelly is at best only a bun, and mayhaps a fucking waste of thy time and money.
  

Be the Jelly Donut, and seek ye other Jelly Donuts, and cluster 'round them, that ye may more easily be brought together with coffee, and sprinkles, and juice of the orange. AMEN.