Apologies & more silence to follow

Things have been very hectic here these past few days in preparation for my mother's operation, which is why I haven't posted in a week. I apologize for that.

As of 8am today she went into surgery for a laparoscopic hysterectomy, because while tests earlier in the year proved she didn't have ovarian cancer, her doctors felt that it would only be a matter of time until it developed anyway, and so it was better safe than sorry.

So far, so good. I will post what I know when I know it. As it currently stands, she will spend the night in the hospital and then return tomorrow for 3 weeks of recovery, during which time I will be spending XP on domestic skills and perhaps taking a level or two in Domestic Goddess.

As a result, posts may become very minimal around here for a while. I'll try to update once a week, and will Tweet whenever possible, so you can keep in the loop that way.

I thank everyone who has offered prayers and well-wishes. They have helped quite a bit.

WNW: Spring is Here

Linky.

Pellatarrum: Some Questions Answered

Shaddakim, the gentleman who has kindly offered to take my various rantings about Pellatarrum and edit them into something approaching coherence, today asked me a few questions about the setting. I was only too happy to answer him, and since the work was already done, I decided to turn into a blog post for your reading pleasure and my growing postcount.




What does the sky look like? I know the elements move across it in a seasonal pattern, but is that a band across the apex or horizon-to-horizon, north-to-south and east-to-west?

Horizon to horizon, unless you are facing sunward, in which case they fade into the brightness/darkness. Recall that the elemental planes form the cosmological shell of the universe which contains Pellatarrum and are therefore larger than the material plane.


 Are the elements in the sky clearly visible or background visible (like the moon during the daytime)?

 It rather depends on the element and the time of day. I think I need a sort of chart here...

Daytime

Earth: Much like our world's moon, only with more variation of color and shadow.
Air: The deepest, bluest sky you've ever seen, perfect for losing yourself in.
Fire: A haze of pinks, reds, and oranges, rather like seeing a smog layer at sunrise/sunset.
Water: A reflective, rippling layer, like the sea on a cloudy day, only upside-down.

Nighttime

Earth: Mineral deposits and strata sparkle with light conducted from the positive energy plane, giving an impression of a fiber-optic aurora, as different materials catch and reflect different colors.
Air: Lightning and other atmospheric effects, including the light from various cloud castles, creates a slowly-moving starfield of incredible depth and complexity.
Fire: The Negative Sun helps bank the fires somewhat, reducing the flames to the cherry-red glow of hot coals. The City of Brass shines brighter and hotter than its surroundings, much like a Full Moon.
Water: The sky above is dark, mysterious, and capricious in what it reflects. It's rather like being on the water just before a storm, not certain if it will smash into you or pass harmlessly overhead.

Nighttime Light levels

Start of Winter: Waning Crescent
Midwinter: New Moon
Start of Spring: Waxing Crescent
Mid-Spring: First Quarter
Start of Summer: Waxing Gibbous
Midsummer: Full Moon
Start of Autumn: Waning Gibbous
Mid-Autumn: Last Quarter


I've seen references to a Nightspire in the comments, which appears to have been destroyed. Is its previous existance a world secret (only the most learned know of it and maybe not even them) or generally known?

It's existence and subsequent destruction is unknown, more from apathy than from any desire of secrecy. Only the Dwarves care about its existence, and that's mostly as a footnote in the original Blueprints of Creation.

I haven't yet decided if the Dwarves know it's been destroyed or not.

Random Awesome Thought of the Day

I have decided that what I would really, really like to see is a science-fiction version of the Old School Renaissance  -- by which I mean a kind of space action/exploration game that is more operatic than Traveller, but more Hard SF than Star Wars, sort of like Honor Harrington or Hammer's Slammers -- with the artistic sensibilities of John Berkey replacing the OSR's iconic Erol Otus.

I am tentatively calling this "Hard Opera" until a better name can be found.

Someone get to work on this, please.

Curse/Or, Chapter 4.5: Patch Notes pt.1

(Author's note: I call this section 4.5 because I'm still not entirely sure if it should be the beginning of a new chapter or appended to the previous one. Until I decide for certain, it exists between the two, and therefore the name of Patch Notes is entire apropos.)
 
Teresa walked into the bookstore like she owned it, a slow but deliberate saunter that suggested she was a predator and this was her hunting ground. "Books," she said to the young man who asked if there was anything he could do to help. "Books on computers. Books on computer networks. Books on programming and artificial intelligence. Even sociological studies on people who spend too much time on computers," she said, flashing a vicious smile in Yarrow's direction, "and top it off with the best science-fiction stories of the past twenty years, preferably anthologies."

"That's… quite a lot of books," the salesman explained, holding his palms up in supplication. "I'm not sure if –"

"I have enough money to buy every goddamn book in this store," Teresa said, turning that joyless smile on the salesman, "and I have nothing but time. Now get to it." She dismissed the boy with a wave of her bandaged hand, and he promptly scurried off.

A few minutes later, Teresa was slowly following the harried clerk as he made his way through the stacks, pulling books from shelves and tossing them into a pushcart which Teresa had commandeered from a nearby big-box store. She followed him with benign disinterest, paying more attention to the paperback currently in her hand than what he put in the cart. The collection was already a foot high and rising.

"I don't understand this dead-tree fetish you have," Yarrow groused as he followed along behind her. "My phone can display any book ever written, at a fraction of the volume displaced here. This is inefficient on a scale beyond comprehension."

Teresa turned and glared at Yarrow over the top of her book. "Three reasons," she said coldly. "One, that phone of yours is practically surgically attached to you, and I don't want to keep wrestling you for it every time I want to read something. Two, the screen is too goddamn small. Three -- " and with a vicious grin she folded the already-read pages of the paperback book backwards, its spine crackling like boiling fat until the covers were flush and its back broken.

Yarrow shuddered at the casual destruction. "Vandal," he accused.

"Damn right," she agreed, "and we sacked Rome itself."

Hand Armor

No, not armor for hands; armor made of hands. Think of a suit of armor made of multiple Things (of Addams Family fame) imitating Janet Jackson's 1993 Rolling Stone cover, except over the entire body. Yes, the image in your mind is both kinky and disturbing. At least the hands aren't skeletal or otherwise undead.

HAND ARMOR

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th

Slot armor; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 15 lbs.

DESCRIPTION

Hand Armor appears as a collection of one hundred construct hands, joined at the wrist in pairs. When the proper command word is spoken, the hands swarm over the wearer’s body, locking together by interlaced fingers or grasped wrists to form a suit of armor. Certain vital areas, such as the torso and head, are doubly layered. The hands require direct skin-to-skin contact to function; clothing worn at the time of activation is either torn away or crawled beneath, depending on its tightness.

At least ten pairs of hands remain attached to the wearer at all times to preserve modesty, though these hands provide no armor bonus.

Hand Armor is treated as light armor for all purposes.

ARMOR STATISTICS

• Armor Bonus: +4
• Max Dex Bonus: +5
• Armor Check Penalty: 0
• Arcane Spell Failure Chance: 10%
• Speed: 30ft/20ft
• Weight: 15 lbs.

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Detached Hands (Su)
As a standard action, the wearer may speak a command word to detach a single pair of hands from the armor. The detached hands function as mage hand with the following changes: they may carry up to 10 pounds, require no concentration once commanded, and have a maximum range of 30 feet. The detached hands cannot attack, activate magic items, or perform skill checks. Only one pair of hands may be detached in this manner at a time.

Assisting Hands (Su)

As a standard action, the wearer may command a number of pairs of hands equal to the wearer’s Intelligence modifier (minimum 1) to assist in manipulating items on the wearer’s person or within the wearer’s reach. These hands remain attached to the armor and function as additional hands for purposes such as holding items, drawing items, stabilizing ropes, or carrying objects. They do not grant additional actions, do not threaten squares, and cannot make attacks, combat maneuvers, or skill checks.

Each pair has an effective Strength score of 10 and can support up to 10 pounds. Multiple pairs may cooperate to support heavier objects; however, the total weight supported in this manner cannot exceed the wearer’s maximum load. These hands cannot retrieve items from a distance or manipulate unattended objects beyond the wearer’s reach. Items remain held until released by command or until the armor enters rope form.

Skill Assistance (Ex)
While wearing Hand Armor, the wearer gains a +3 competence bonus on the following skill checks: Climb, Disable Device, Escape Artist, Intimidate, Sleight of Hand, and Swim.

Rope Form (Su)
As a standard action, the wearer may speak a command word causing all hands except those preserving modesty to disengage from the wearer and clasp together, forming the equivalent of a 50-foot length of silk rope. While in this form, the wearer loses all armor bonuses, and all other abilities of Hand Armor cease to function. As another standard action, the wearer may command the hands to return, reforming the armor. If the rope is destroyed, Hand Armor becomes nonfunctional until repaired.

Construction Requirements: Craft Construct, Animate Rope, Mage Hand; Craft (armor) 17

Cost: 9,000 gp


This freaky piece of magic was inspired by a truly weird dream I had last night. 


NOTE: If you came here via Trollsmyth's Old School Rant post, thank you! Please read another of my posts about the Amazon PayPhrase Challenge and consider participating. Any and all versions of D&D are welcome in the APPC.

Ehrynn's Perfect Match

Beware of Archmagi who haven't had their morning tea.

Beware in particular those Archmagi who, not having their morning tea, are too cranky to properly light a fire and, in their frustration, lash out with whatever spells they have handy just to "get the godsdamn kettle to boiling."

Fun fact: Fireballing your kettle, while emotionally satisfying, evaporates the water and you are still without tea. And probably a fireplace. 

The wizard Ehrynn Paahlet was one such Archmage, and while her fireplace was being rebuilt in the aftermath of her latest incendiary tantrum, she had An Idea about How To Fix This Problem Once And For All. She promptly assembled a group of hardy adventurers and disappeared on a quest. When finally she returned, her mood was much improved, and the countryside breathed a sigh of relief as her morning tea never failed to boil. 

Of course, her tower burned to the ground six months later, but that's beside the point. 

Ehrynn's Perfect Match
Aura strong conjuration and abjuration; CL 15th; Slot none; Price 24,000 gp; Weight negligible

Ehrynn’s Perfect Match is a slender rod of gold approximately the length and width of a pencil, flat at one end and tapering to a point at the other. It is stored within a hollow tube carved from the thighbone of a Large creature, etched with ornate abjurative runes.

When the rod is withdrawn from its bone tube, a minute gate to the Plane of Fire opens at the tapered end, extruding a narrow, steady tongue of white-gold flame. The flame is nearly colorless at its core and devoid of smoke, sparks, or flicker. It burns continuously regardless of environmental conditions, including wind, rain, immersion in water, or burial in earth or sand.

The Perfect Match cannot be adjusted, dimmed, or extinguished by mundane or magical means. The only way to suppress its flame is to return the rod to its bone tube or to place it within an area that blocks planar effects (such as dimensional lock).

Activating or deactivating the Perfect Match requires a creature capable of physically manipulating magic items. Purely magical effects that cannot activate magic items (such as mage hand or unseen servant) cannot do so.

The Perfect Match does not deal damage as part of an attack and cannot be used as a weapon.

Ignition
During the first round that the Perfect Match is lit, any easily flammable material (such as paper, dry wood, cloth, oil, or similar substances) brought into contact with its flame ignites immediately, catching fire as though exposed to an open flame.

Any unattended flammable object ignited by the Perfect Match burns as a normal fire, spreading to adjacent flammable materials and growing according to available fuel and environmental conditions.

Escalating Elemental Heat
Beginning on the second consecutive round that the Perfect Match remains lit, it deals 1 point of fire damage per round to any creature or object in direct contact with it. Each consecutive round thereafter increases this damage by 1 point per round, to a maximum of 30 points of fire damage per round.
This fire damage is incendiary. Any flammable creature or object damaged by it must succeed at a Reflex save (DC 15) or catch fire, following the standard rules for catching fire. Fire resistance and immunity apply normally, but this damage bypasses object hardness, representing direct exposure to elemental flame. It is sufficient to ignite, melt, scorch, or otherwise thermally damage objects, even if those objects would not normally burn.

Safety Disengagement
Once the damage reaches 30 points per round, an internal safety ward automatically disengages the planar aperture. The flame immediately ceases, and the Perfect Match begins to cool. During this cooling period, the damage it deals decreases by 1 point per round until it reaches 0. The Match does not reignite during this time.

Placing the Perfect Match back into its bone tube at any time immediately seals the planar aperture, extinguishing the flame and resetting the damage progression. When withdrawn again, the Match always begins at the ignition stage.

The bone tube continuously suppresses extraplanar effects originating from the Perfect Match alone. This functions as a permanent, item-specific abjuration effect equivalent to dimensional lock for the purposes of containing the Match, but it has no effect on other extraplanar creatures or magic.

The bone tube is required for safe storage of the Perfect Match. Placing the rod in any other container does not extinguish it unless that container is similarly warded against planar effects.

Construction Requirements 
Craft Wondrous Item, gate, dimensional lock, resist energy; Cost 12,000 gp

Lore

Ehrynn Paahlet was a cranky old woman who didn't like people, which means she didn't have apprentices or servants to make her morning tea or do other cooking-related tasks. (If you read the text for Unseen Servant, you will see that cooking is not one of the explicitly listed tasks it can perform.) Ehrynn also didn't have any points in Survival or Profession (cook), so she didn't know how to build a proper fire, meaning the Spark cantrip would not result in a viable cooking fire. Prestidigitation doesn't produce enough heat to actually cook, Produce Flame is a druid spell, and creating food & drink is the province of divine magic. 

So she decided, in that manner that wizards consider reasonable logic and everyone else considers madness and overkill, that the best course of her time and energy was not to learn a skill (because skills are for people who expect to repeat mistakes), but rather to produce a controlled magical flame that by the gods would start a fire without requiring her to expend any effort (because magic is for people who intend to be right forever).

Her plan was simple: just put a log in the hearth, use the Perfect Match on it, and eventually the log would start burning. The heat issue with the Match wasn't a problem for someone with access to the Mage Hand cantrip, so the 'too hot to touch' flaw feature ensured that anyone who stole her Match would suffer. 

This, by the by, is the same reasoning that goes "If the recipe calls for 1 hour at 300 degrees, then surely 6 minutes at 3,000 degrees will also work. It's just a matter of scale."

So why did her tower burn down? The answer is simple: she started the match and got distracted doing something else. By the time she realized what was going on, the fire was already out of control (putting out raging fires? Also a druid spell), so she gathered her most priceless possessions and teleported away, leaving the match and its tube to be found in the ashes. 

TLDR: This item exists because a wizard rejected the premise that learning the mundane skill of file-building was a reasonable use of her time, and so made a magic item which embodies the statement "Fire will happen. Your cooperation is optional."

This is my entry for the Amazon PayPhrase Create-a-Thing Contest.