Squeaky Update

Today, Squeaky Wheel turns 30. Please head on over and wish her a happy birthday.  She needs it, because yesterday she was told that she needs yet another procedure done while they have her opened up on the table, and this procedure will last "as long as it takes"  and she will be unable to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk for three months.

Hell of a birthday present, right?

Here's how you can help:

1. Donate money to her surgical fund. Between needing a wheelchair and this new procedure, and then whatever expenses come after, she's going to need all the help she can get. Please donate what you can.
2. Buy her a gift for Operation: Lymeparty.  Let's lift her spirits so she can get through this difficult period of fear and worry!
3. If you live in/near Memphis, TN and are willing to act as a clearinghouse for physical gifts, please let me know!
4. Spread the word on your blog.  The more coverage this gets, the more help she gets. 
5. If you know anyone within the medical supply field, contact me directly. Squeaky needs things to make her wheelchair more comfortable. 

And now, on to the Stretch Goals:

1. The first stretch goal -- me singing a silly song -- has been performed here.  Included at no extra charge is me singing an additional song and lots of (hopefully amusing) rambling. 
2. I am ready to record a dramatic reading of whatever you folks like, but there has been a lack of decision as to what this reading will be. Some folks have expressed an interest in having me read a Dr. Seuss tale, and others want me to read a selection from 50 Shades of Gray. I'm going to start accepting nominations for what I read in the comments below, and then folks will vote on the choices. 
3. I'm letting Squeaky choose the duet, so this will happen at her convenience and not mine. 
4. This goal has just been reached. Like #2, above, I want nominations for what kind of "gunnie cosplay" you want.  I believe Annie Oakley is a popular choice on Facebook, but other than that I don't know. Again, please make your preferences known and I'll have it taken when I meet with Oleg for my regular shoot. 
5. Stretch Goal #5 has not yet been funded, as the donations seem to have stalled at around $2,018. If you make it this far I will do a video of pretty much anything you want, so long as it isn't porn, illegal, or impossible. 

Also, if anyone else wants to offer their own stretch goals for this, please do!  This is not about me, this is about raising money for Squeaky.