Saturday, November 3, 2007

The Camel Spider: Not As Scary As The Unfiltered Marlboro Spider

By Troy Hickman

As a few of you may know, one of my areas of knowledge is folklore, especially urban legends. So earlier this week when I gave one of my classes a journal assignment dealing with what scares them, and the subject of camel spiders came up, I listened intently. It was interesting to hear what they'd heard about these guys, and even moreso to try and follow the trajectory of the legends.

The camel spider recently received his fifteen minutes of fame because of this photo. Yeah, it's a damn big, creepy-crawly thingy, no two ways about it. And what did my class "know" about the camel spider?

1. It can be as big as a garbage can lid when its legs are extended.

2. It can jump three feet vertically in the air.

3. It can run 25 miles per hour.

4. It lives in and feeds off the stomachs of camels, hence its name.

5. It has a novacaine-like sting that keeps you from noticing it's slowly taking big chunks out of your flesh.

6. It runs alongside military vehicles in Iraq, making a screaming noise as it chases them.


Scary, huh? From the sound of it, these things make the facehuggers in Alien seem like Monchhichis in comparison. But how much of what my class is so sure of is really true? Well...

1. It's a big SOB, but it doesn't get as large as a garbage can lid. A frisbee MAYBE...

2. Much like white men, camel spiders can't jump.

3. It runs about ten miles an hour. So it could probably keep pace with a man, but it's Michael Johnson is safe.

4. It's called a camel spider because it lives in the desert, not because it lives inside or feeds on camels.

5. Not venomous. In fact, they aren't generally dangerous to humans, preferring to eat insects and maybe the occasional lizard or very small bird. Camel spiders actual aren't even spiders; they're of the order Solifugae, which makes them arachnids, but not true spiders.

6. The reason that some folks have accused them of being aggressive is because they're nocturnal creatures, preferring to stay out of the hot desert sun, and so when humans or other creatures are around, they try to get in your SHADOW for shade (this may be where the camel stomach rumor came from; perhaps they tend to sit under a camel's abdomen to keep cool).

So where do the rumors come from? Well, as you can see in the somewhat infamous photo above, and a number of the camel spider videos on YouTube, our soldiers in Iraq have been encountering these thingies since they've been over there. If I may do a bit of urban legend psychoanalysis here (like the "king" of urban legends, Jan Harold Brunvand, who I was lucky enough to correspond with for a while many years ago), I would suggest that it stems from our fears (A) for our troops in a strange foreign land, and (B) our own sense of xenophobia about "those people" and "that place" over there. It's a hard thing to think of our own sons and daughters over there in harm's way, and even harder to think about them killing and being killed by other human beings. And I think perhaps we express all that fear and uncertainty by creating an even more alien enemy and landscape in our minds. Hence things like the camel spider.



The thing is, the camel spider is not even a middle eastern phenomenon. They exist is most of the world's deserts in one form or another, including the southwestern part of the United States. In other places they might be called the wind scorpion or sun spider, but when we talk about them, they tend to be the camel spider, because what's more middle eastern in the collective consciousness of the United States than a camel?

So when it comes down to it, if the camel spider is a monster, it's mainly a monster created by our subconscious, and our psycho-sociological need to create scapegoats and cautionary tales.

Also, it's one big, scary freakin' bug...

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

WNW: Special Halloween Edition

Before attending a Halloween event tonight, you might want to bone up on your Supernatural Survival Strategies.

Just in case.










Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Anti-Vampire ammunition, mk.2

So it seems that Friday's post has stirred up more interest and discussion than I expected, and some excellent suggestions were made by Lurking Readers. Having digested these, I now present the Anti-Vampire shell, Mark 2 (it deserves a proper name, but I'm not quite sure what to call it. I could go with the Latin Excruciato but then people will assume I'm ripping off Harry Potter.)
  • 12 gauge shotgun shell, of course
  • First layer (and first out the barrel): double-ought buckshot, but made from iron instead of lead. The harder metal will have increased penetration (but also less spread at range, so you'll need to be a slightly better shooter -- unless you intend to saw it off) for shattering undead ribcages, and the properties of cold iron might prove useful against other beasties like fae, demons, etc.
  • Second Layer: a blessed communion wafer.
  • Third layer: Rosary beads made from a variety of woods reputed to be effective against the supernatural: rowan, white oak, ash, hawthorn, etc. Since most rosary beads tend to average 7mm in diameter, this quite nicely equates to #2 buckshot.
And there you go. The only potential drawback I can see to this assembly is that in order to accommodate such an unusual payload, the casing may need to be longer than is usual, which could potentially jam a magazine-fed shotgun. You'll have to kick it old-school style with a break-action and manually load the shells. Of course, this means that you can also use the amazingly dangerous Dragon's Breath rounds, so that's always a plus.

Or you could just use this beast:That's the Manville 27mm rotary launcher, originally a police riot gun manufactured in nineteen hundred and thirty-fucking-six.


PS: If you intend to fight werewolves, I suggest using Hatton cartridges, substituting silver powder for the lead or zinc.


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Now playing: Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey - Happiness Is A Warm Gun [live]
via FoxyTunes

Monday, October 29, 2007

I have been eaten by a Grue

Well, not really eaten by a Grue, but perhaps the next best thing: I've been playing X-COM:UFO Defense (thanks a ton, Shamus!) and I really have no idea where Monday went. Did Monday even happen this week? It must have, because in between alien raids I watched Chuck and Heroes.

Good times.

Hang on, I think I hear an alien that needs blasting....

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Mining the slop closet

So, Vi from Violent Acres is having a catchphrase contest. I have decided to enter because, in all blatant honesty, I would kill to have a tenth of her readership. When it comes to getting more readers, I am a whore. I freely admit it. In fact, if you'll let me pour a glass of red wine and slip into something more comfortable, I will exult in it.

Anyway, here's what I've got:
  1. Let me explain why I hate you.
  2. Kill the stupid before it breeds.
  3. Even if I am an overweight man from Georgia, I'm still more woman than you'll ever have.

... yeah, I know, not my best work. Still, it only took me about 10 minutes of effort, so if she links to me at all -- even to mock my pitiful effort -- I've safely come out on top of the work-reward ratio.

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