Traveller Tuesday: Jumpspace is Psionic

Don't consider this a return to regular Traveller Tuesdays; they might happen, they might not. But playing in All Ones' Traveller campaign has me thinking about the system and setting again, so here's a notion which I've had for a long time and I've finally decided to write out. 

My use of Traveller setting and dress falls under
fair use guidelines for both Mongoose and Far Future Enterprises.

The crux of my argument that jumpspace is psionic stems from two canonical pieces of information. I shall use links to the Traveller wiki to support my thesis.

1. Continuous observation of jumpspace has been known to drive intelligent beings insane, so starship viewports are shuttered during jump.
• Yes, I am aware that this sounds a lot like Warhammer 40,000's Warp, but WH40K came out in 1987 and Traveller came out in 1977, and WH40K has a reputation for unabashedly stealing ideas from elsewhere for their setting. 
  
  
2. There must be at least one living being (definitely sentient, presumably sapient) onboard a ship to successfully jump. 
• If this weren't the case, then player characters wouldn't get contracts to deliver mail to planets, because mail ships (such as X-boats) would be automated. Instead, the IISS has at least one human being aboard an xboat per jump. 
• Jump torpedoes were a thing which existed in the early days of Traveller, but they have since been de-canonized. J-torps would be perfect for delivering non-physical mail to systems. 

So this tells me that there's something about jumpspace which requires a living being to perform a successful jump. To me, the easiest answer is that jumpspace is a quantum state which requires an observer in order to collapse the wave function successfully, which engages the jump. 

Why? Again, the easiest answer from my perspective is that jumpspace is psionic in nature. This means that any species which is capable of manifesting psionics -- and so far as I know, that's any sapient (self-aware) species -- needs to observe the jump in some manner. 

That these observers don't themselves need to be psionic means that they aren't causing the jump to happen. This means that there's something about the nature of jumpspace itself that prevents entry to ships without a sapient observer on board, resulting in a misjump. 

This must be linked to jumpspace's quality to cause insanity, which is presumably a psionic effect of some sort.

(Whether or not a long observer in cold sleep would count as an observer is an argument I'm not ready to have right now. I could see it going either way, frankly.)

So why is jumpspace like this? The easiest answer for weird, spooky stuff in Traveller is "the Ancients did it." Considering that the Ancients were a powerfully psionic species, they may have invented jumpspace in order to speed their spread across the galaxy.

Traveller GMs: yes, I am absolutely suggesting that a powerful Ancient device (maybe the undiscovered Ancient homeworld) is keeping jumpspace active. Which means that jumpspace could be controlled... or amplified... or even turned off. 

Want to have an instant disaster on par with or exceeding the Long Night, but not the Empress Wave or Virus? Here's your solution. 

Have fun. 

V5: Sumerian Vampire Clan Names

So yesterday I had a bit of the Blessed Madness come upon me, and when that happens I must drop everything and chase it because it happens so rarely, and when it does it always gives me really good material. 

So in the lore of Vampire: the Masquerade, the first vampire was Caine, the son of Adam and Eve, and vampirism was his curse for murdering his brother Abel. There's no date on when the first clans emerged, but they are mentioned as developing in the "First City", as in "the first city to ever exist". 

One of the things which has bothered me about V:tM is that even though the vampire clans date back to the dawn of civilization, the names for those clans are very modern in comparison. Toreador, Brujah, and Lasombra are Spanish; Gangrel is Middle English; Ventrue is French. The Latin Salubri is respectably old, and even though Egyptian mythology is older than Roman, the -ite suffix in Setite is Greek. 

In other words, in my extreme nerdery I wanted vampire clans to have names which were as old as they were, even if those original names weren't used any more due to linguistic drift (and the fact that players probably couldn't, and definitely wouldn't, like to use them). So I looked up which language was the oldest, and as it turns out the oldest known written language is Sumerian. This was ideal for my purposes because Sumeria was in the Fertile Crescent of the Middle East and therefore meshed perfectly with the Abrahamic origins of V:tM. 

Did you know that there's an online Sumerian dictionary where you can search for words in English? You do now. What's more, most of the words there have pictures of them written in Cuneiform (the written script of the Sumerians, among others -- sort of like how most of the Western world uses the Roman alphabet) and they are delightfully archaic and creepy. You know how in the Blade movies the various vampire houses had cryptic sigils? Well, Cuneiform looks older and creepier, and because it's an actual language it looks more legitimate as well. 

So here are the clans of Vampire: the Masquerade as I think they would have been named during the time of the First City. Because I am a hobbyist scratching at something deeper than I can imagine, I have probably gotten some things wrong. But that's okay, because we aren't looking for accuracy (because vampires don't exist), we're looking for things which are fun and flavorful. 

Canonical Clans

Banu Haqim: Sagaz

Sa-gaz (“Robber; murderer”) 

The Banu Haqim (formerly known in previous editions as Assamites) are a clan of vampires who lust after the blood of other vampires and, in previous editions at least, hired themselves out as assassins who would take as part of their payment the blood of their victim. Therefore, someone who robs and kills seems an excellent fit here. 

Brujah: Ursag

Ur-sag (“Warlike; Hero, Warrior”)

Troile, the founder of the Brujah line, had a mighty temper and a preference for physical altercation. Modern Brujah see themselves as righteous rebels fighting against The Man, they clearly see themselves as heroes. Given all that, I couldn't have picked anything else. 

Cappadocians: Namus

Nam-us (“Death”)

The Cappadocians have always been known as the Clan of Death.

Gangrel: Umaam

U-ma-am (“Beast”)

A clan of shape-shifters who take on bestial features as their humanity slips. 

Lasombra: Gissu

Gissu ("shade, shadow; protection, aegis")

Yay, the clan whose name means "The Shadow" and which has shadow powers has another name which means shadow. Yawn. 

See below for what I picked for my highly non-canonical Lasombra. 

Malkavian: Namigigal

Nam-igi-gal (“Insight”)

I'm very proud of this one, as I couldn't find a translation for "madman" or "seer" or things like this. However, "insight" is a nicely vague word which both compliments their abilities and touches upon their madness (as in "seeing what others do not"). 

Nosferatu: Ludubgara

Lu-dub-gar-ra (“Hunter”)

Abisimilard, the founder of the clan, was known as a mighty and stealthy hunter. 

Ravnos: Dabariri

Da-ba-ri-ri (“Liar, Trickster, Con Artist”)

Regardless of whether you go by the official version of this clan or my own, the fact remains that the Ravnos are distrusted by the rest of kindred society, and so this fits. It's doubtful that the Ravnos themselves would call themselves this, but unlife isn't fair and so if everyone else calls you this, this is what you're called. 

Salubri: Abgal

Ab-gal (“Sage, Priest”)

The easy solution would have been to go with "doctor" or "healer" but I felt that pigeonholed this clan too much. Abgal gives them flavors of wisdom and holiness which were lacking from other names. 

Setites: Musgal

No, I refuse to call them "The Ministry". Go away. 

Mus-gal ("Great serpent")

Y'know, it's funny: the Setites have this whole snake motif going on, yet Set himself has the head of a jackal, not a snake. But then, I think this entire clan is stupid and I'm not going to waste any more time on them. 

Toreador: Ummia

Um-mi-a (“Expert, master craftsman”)

This was another difficult one. I couldn't find a Sumerian word for "artist" or "artisan", or even "beautiful". I found this, though, and I feel that it fits well, for no other clan are experts on art and beauty. 

Tremere

They don't have a Sumerian name because they didn't exist until 1022 AD. 

Tzimisce: Uzu

Uzu (“Flesh, body, entrails, omen”)

The Tzimisce are a clan of flesh-shapers, but if I'm being honest the real reason I picked this name is because the word looks like a body. 

Also, and I am not joking, there is an actual Sumerian phrase uzu zu kešda gu-mur which means "flesh tooth bind spine" and I can't think of a better way to describe Vicissitude than that. 

Ventrue: Lugal

Lu-gal (“lord; master; owner; king; a quality designation”)

The Ventrue are the Clan of Kings. Self-explanatory.

Non-Canon Clans

Ba'ali: Kurgara

Kur-gar-ra (“Cultic performer”)

As I've mentioned elsewhere,  I hate the Followers of Set and so the demon-worshipping  Ba'ali are the super-evil baddies in my V:tM world. "Cultic performer" is close enough to "cultist" for my taste, and I am tickled that the first character resembles Damien's triple-6 birthmark from The Omen.

Lasombra: Dar

Dar (“To break up, crush, grind; to split, split up; to cut open”)

This is for my non-canonical, not-having-shadow-powers version of the clan which are cancerous corruptors who blackmail people and hollow out organizations in order to control them. I feel that the meaning of this word perfectly encapsulates how I see the Lasombra operating. 

Nagaraja: Sugzag Gu

Sug-zag gu (“To destroy completely” with “gu” meaning “to eat, consume”)

This is for my version of the Nagaraja. The word is interesting because "sugzag gu" as a whole means "to destroy", but the component "sugzag" means "marsh edge" and "gu" means "to eat". This makes me think of a crocodile dragging its prey underwater, never to be seen again and to be devoured at its leisure. This really fits with how I envision the Nagaraja. 

The Perfect Ammo for Han Solo Season

You folks remember that Hornady Z-Max ammo from five years ago, right? The stuff that was basically Critical Defense, but with a green tip instead of a red tip and zombie branding on the box, to cash in on the big zombie craze?

http://tinyurl.com/ybr4fcvb

But there's an even bigger craze out there that's been sweeping the country for longer than zombies, and I think that Hornady needs to get on this right now to tap a hitherto-neglected market.

What's my big idea?  Pumpkin Spice Ammunition. No, wait, hear me out:

1. Hornady makes pumpkin orange colored inserts for their ammunition and a seasonal "Pumpkin Spice Ammo" box. 
2. Throw in a little cachet of actual pumpkin spice to make the ammo smell nice. 
3. Sell this ammo to all the pumpkin spice-obsessed people. 
4. PROFIT. 

Why is this not a thing already? Sell it right next to those North Face vests and you'll make a mint!

http://tinyurl.com/y9qu4njx

An Even Five

I am convinced that the number 5 is even.

Not mathematically even, mind you, but conceptually even because humans have 5 fingers per hand , thus a "whole hand" is an even value.

If you want proof, think of it like this:

• The number 4 is indisputably even. 
• So is the number 6. 
• But 7 is indisputably odd. 
• So if you are given the sequence 4, 5, 6, 7 and told to eliminate the number which doesn't belong (or doesn't "feel right"), which one do you cross out?

You could pick "5, 6, 7" and not be wrong (because there's no wrong answer to this), but I'd wager that most people will pick "4, 5, 6" . This is because 5 both "feels" even and is right in the middle where it "ought" to be (because 5 is half -- right in the middle -- of Base 10). "4, 5, 6" just feels like a string of three even numbers that other sequences don't give.

Five is the "even" number that belongs in the middle. (Or at the end, which is why we love counting in units of five. Again, Half of Base 10.)

Next they'll come for the weathermen

So, you know, this happened:

Six Italian scientists jailed for six years each for failing to predict 2009 quake that killed over 300 people

Which of course has resulted in scientists in Italy saying "This is the end of scientists giving consultations to the state." This is a nicer way of saying The next time there's an earthquake you're all fucked, because you won't get notice from us.

Which, you have to admit, is fair. After all, if you were a weatherman and one of your contemporaris was convicted of manslaughter because he failed to predict a tornado that killed an entire midwestern town, you'd quit the biz as well.

But, see... because I'm just bent, I am seeing a different route here. If I had been on the defense team, you know what I would have done?

I'd have sued the Catholic Church for punitive and compensatory damages.

You see, earthquakes are Acts of God. And while the Heavenly Father cannot be criminally prosecuted, His kingdom on earth can certainly be fined.

I mean, if we're going to be absurd here, let us reducto the absurdam. if a scientist is criminally responsible for deaths caused by not properly predicting an earthquake, then let's indict God for all those destructive acts. Suck on it, Roman Catholic Italy.

Would this make it to trial? Of course not. (I doubt those scientists will see any jail time, either, as any decent court of appeal will throw it out for these very same reasons.)  But it would highlight just how ridiculous this whole thing is, and the Vatican would probably start exerting pressure on the Italian government to Make This Go Away Now.

Come to think of it, this would make an awesome idea for a movie. Who's a good modern version of Jimmy Stewart?

Thinking about portals

You know what confuses and angers me? Doorknobs.

Specifically, the turny-latchy things in the middle of them. These things right here:

Take a look at that and answer me one thing: Is the door locked or unlocked?

The answer is "locked," and most readers are now looking at me with a "Yes, and your point is...?" expression. My point is this:

It doesn't make any goddamn sense.

What does a door -- specifically, a door that would use a knob like this -- look like? Why, it's a rectangle of course, taller than it is wide. In fact, it looks an awful lot like... the latch in the locked position.

But when that knob is unlocked, what does it look like? Why, a crossbar of course. Something which bars entry. A circle with a horizontal line through it looks to me like the universal "Do Not Enter" symbol.

So when the door is unlocked, every bit of symbol-recognition in my brain is telling me that the door is locked. And when it's locked, it looks like a door, and when we think of doors we think of going through them, ergo my brain tells me it's unlocked. Therefore, every time I'm presented with a knob like this, my brain screeches to halt as it goes, "Hmm, that looks like a 'don't enter' symbol, which would mean it's locked. But because I know doorknobs are screwed up and make no sense, I need to reverse that, so that means it's open. Right? I think so. But now that I've thought about it so much, I'm starting to doubt myself, like when I misspell a word and then I look up the correct spelling and everything seems wrong. You know what, my only option here is to grab the knob and find out for myself."

How do you people deal with this? How does this NOT make you mental? I know I'm not the most logical of persons, but this time my argument makes waaaaay more sense than any explanation you can come up with regarding why "horizontal" means "open."

Since I can't change the orientation of doorknobs in my house -- and even if I could, that would really mess me up in the outside world -- what I've done is taken some red and green paint, and put a thin bar of red on the top of the knob and a thin bar of green on the side, because as we all know, green means "go" and red means "stop." I have used color symbolism to defeat object symbolism.

Of course, red is now forever associated with "up" in my mind, but I can deal with that. At least I'm not crazy like you people.

Super-Fashion: The Birds of Paradise, part 1

The Birds of Paradise are a super-team, much like the Justice League or the Global Guardians. Their unifying theme is that they all come from Caribbean nations, and all have some sort of bird motif going on.

This team is too large to be covered in a single post, so I'm splitting it.

Dr. Hummingbird

Jamaica 

Shakira Martin was just a mild-mannered pre-med student when, while hiking through the Jamaican cloud forest, she was horribly injured when she walked off of a cliff.

As she lay dying, a Red-billed Streamertail, aka the Doctor Bird, came to her aid. Unable to heal her wounds, this bird -- whom the locals believe is a reincarnation of dead souls -- absorbed Shakira's soul and merged it with its own. In that moment, Dr. Hummingbird was born, a mystical fusion of bird and woman.

In addition to super-fast flight, Dr. Hummingbird can diagnose illness with just a glance; heal most wounds and diseases with but a touch; and see, speak to, and command spirits of the dead.

Scarlet Ibis

Trinidad & Tobago

Gabrielle Walcott appears to be an ordinary woman, but she is not. Born under a blood-red moon to parents of  Egyptian ancestry, she is actually a vessel for Thoth, the ancient god of wisdom and the moon.

She is a sorceress, though most of her spells revolve around divination and revelation, as well as a telepath of the highest order. She can shapeshift into a scarlet ibis, or assume a half-woman/half-bird form (seen above.) In either form, she can fly and swim at amazing speeds. She can also assume the form of a super-strong baboon (of scarlet hue), though she is reluctant to reveal this ability, as it is her "ace in the hole".

The Scarlet Ibis is a sworn enemy of Set, and many supervillains with snake or voodoo powers are unwittingly in service to him.

Two-Can

Curacao

Eva Van Putten is a genius-level scientist, engineer, and inventor, as well an amateur ornithologist who longed to fly with the birds she so admired. Researching the properties of minerals, she was able to synthesize a form of sapphire which produced an effect related to piezoelectricity: when put under pressure, the crystalline structure generates thrust according to the Biefeld–Brown effect. Modeling herself after the Blue Toucan, she uses her technological expertise, as well as ionicly-powered flight/super-strength/force fields/energy blasts to soar with the birds and fight crime.

What is most interesting about Two-Can is her ability to appear in two places at once. Most people believe this is achieved with some form of teleportation, but some theorize that she has developed the ability to create an energy duplicate of herself, or perhaps bi-locate using a heretofore unknown loophole of physics.

What these people do not realize is that she has a twin sister, Anna, who is using the spare Two-Can suit that Eva created. They take great pains to hide the fact that there are two sisters in two suits. (In fact, the press thinks her name is Toucan, not Two-Can.)

Super-Fashion Week: Miss USA

Let's start close to home with Miss USA, Alyssa Campanella. Or, as she is called on Earth-P --

ENSIGN GLORY

Click to embiggen... if you dare.

A newly commissioned officer in the United States Navy, ENS Campanella was a Signals Intelligence officer who was part of a team tasked with creating a new, undetectable method of sensing and communicating. Their efforts were only partly successful, however, for while they were able to modulate streams of light in a unique kinetic pattern, the effects were both bright and loud. The project, code-named GLORY, was soon cancelled, with the team reassigned and the only working part -- a multi-spectrum kinetic LIDAR rectenna -- was put into deep storage.

Years passed, and soon Project GLORY had been forgotten -- except by Campanella. Now a lieutenant, she continued to work on the project in her spare time, refining it in an attempt to make it feasible. She felt that her career in the Navy had been stifled by the failure of the project, and saw this as a chance at redemption.

She had her chance one night when the USS Constitution, performing its annual "turnaround cruise," was caught in a violent squall and threatened to be lost at sea with all hands -- including the civilian ride-alongs. The Navy and Coast Guard had been dispatched, but it was feared that they would not arrive in time to save America's oldest commissioned warship.

Realizing what had to be done, Campanella raced to the storage locker where the GLORY rectenna was kept, and combined it with the modifications she had made over the years while throwing together a hasty costume to disguise her identity. With some difficulty, she was able to fly out into the storm and render enough aid that by the time relief vessels arrived, neither the ship nor the crew was lost.

The opto-kinetic energy projected by the GLORY rectenna is amazingly bright. When it flies, it leaves streaks across the sky, and its energy can be focused to produce loud concussive blasts. (Think Jubilee's powers, only useful instead of sucky.) Given this and the circumstances of her origin, it is to be expected that Campanella modified the rectenna to resemble an American flag and her costume to look like a  Revolutionary War-era  U.S. Navy officer's uniform. She took the name "Ensign Glory" as an elaborate double-pun.

When asked why she dressed like that, Ensign Glory replied "You think I'd cover up legs like this? Besides, I'm putting the navel in Naval."

The oversize hat contains avionics.

Super-Fashion Week Begins!

As those who follow me on Facebook, Google+, and Twitter already know, I am a big fan of watching beauty pageants so that I can applaud and/or mock (usually mock) the costumes. There's something about the big multinational contests that really brings out the opulent and absurd elements of costume fashion, such that whenever I watch Miss Universe or Miss World, I like to play a little game I call "Superhero, showgirl, slut." You can probably guess what the rules are for that game.

Since it just so happens that it's Fashion Week up in New York, and Miss Universe was on last night, I figured I'd take some of the more interesting costumes and give them superhero writeups. The rules are pretty simple:

1. Their costume has to look like something. It can't just be a nationally-appropriate piece of clothing. Sorry, Miss Greece. Your toga looks fantastic but it doesn't specifically shout "super-powers." 
2. Their costume must look like it could conceivably be worn in a super-battle. Therefore, floor-length gowns are out. Sorry, Miss Mexico. You'd be a one-appearance villainess at most.
3. Their shoes get a pass because a) these are women in a contest so they're all wearing heels, and b) superheroines have been wearing impractical footwear since forever. Running in stilettoes is just one of their powers. Good news, Miss Guatemala, you're in.
4. Their costumed identities need to come from/ represent the host country, because that'd be cheating otherwise. This gives us the fun ability to make Cultural Stereotype Heroes a la the Global Guardians.
5. Extraneous bits like feathers may be interpreted as special effects for superpowers, because you can't get a lot of mileage out of "Tickle Lass." (Well, you could, but that would be an entirely different genre...)

The fashion show begins in the next post!

MLP D&D: the Equestria Campaign

And now, the thrilling conclusion of our series!

I have demonstrated that the "mane six" ponies constitute a functional PC group -- Wizard, Bard, Rogue, Ranger, Druid and Barbarian. While each have individual strengths and specialties, there is enough of an ability overlap that the loss of a single member does not mean defeat of the entire group.

But what of the world they inhabit? How would a GM run a My Little Pony campaign using D&D or Pathfinder rules? And just what are the stats for the different pony races, anyway?

Relax, I've got this under control.  


THE PC RACES

I wish I could take credit for these, but I can't. Someone far more skilled in game design and photoshop created these three excellent "Ponyfinder" PC race writeups. They look pretty balanced to me, but I could be wrong. At the very least, I believe they're balanced against each other, and they're the only types of non-deity pony we've seen so far. (Sorry, there are no rules for baby dragon PCs. Or griffons. Sorry 'bout that.)

Although, they are a bit too serious in places. Rules for using weapons? Really?

 

MECHANICS

While there are (as yet) no rules for Cutie Marks in Ponyfinder, a hasty houserule could be cobbled together thusly: When using skills or powers in line with their Cutie Marks, Ponyfinder PCs may always take 10, even in combat or when stressed. If they choose to roll, any 20 is considered a Critical Success with spectacular, magical results (such as a sonic rainboom).

Yes, I just invented the Cutie Mark Critical.

Also, if you're interested in crazy theories about how pony magic works (and who isn't?) I highly suggest that you check this out:

A horn is made of keratin as are hooves, thus as magic is focused through an alicorn to perform Unicorn magic, a small form of magic must also transfer though Earth Pony hooves. This being the tactile telekinesis that allows they and all MLP to manipulate delicate things with seemingly blunted hooves. With further study an Earth Pony might find an ability to focus magic through their hooves. Though I think the alicorns natural focusing shape makes the use of arcane powers, more potent and directed through unicorn means. 

GAMEPLAY

The thing to keep in mind about MLP D&D is that, if you want to be true to the spirit of the cartoon, you need to realize there is a distinct difference between conflict and combat. Out of the 26 episodes of the first season, only a quarter of those had any sort of physical altercation at all, and in only one episode did that actually advance the plot. In fact, rushing headlong into battle actually makes things worse in the series!

Now I realize that a lot of gamers are looking at this and rolling their eyes. "No combat?" I hear you scoff. "What is the point?"

Cuteness is in the eye of...

The point is that My Little Pony is cartoon for children, and you want to play MLP D&D, you're doing one of two things: you're introducing a small child to role-playing, or you're a hard-core brony and want to role-play in Equestria. Either way, you must observe the genre conventions.

You don't out-fight your opponents in MLP. To steal a phrase from the reality TV series Survivor, you outwit, outplay, or outlast your opponents. Maybe, sometimes, a fight is necessary, but that really should be the path of last resort. If it truly bothers you, reverse one of Carl von Clausewitz' famous sayings and you get "Diplomacy is simply war by other means."

To this end, instead of having adventures that are variations upon "Go to this place, kill things, and grab the loot," the Ponymaster is encouraged to build adventures which utilize the 7 Basic Conflicts:

1. Pony vs. Self      Example: Sonic Rainboom
   
2. Pony vs. Pony    Example: Look Before You Sleep
3. Pony vs. Society  Example: Winter Wrap-Up
4. Pony vs. Nature   Example: Swarm of the Century
5. Pony vs. Supernatural  Example: Feeling Pinkie Keen
   
6. Pony vs. the Other  Example: Bridle Gossip
   
7. Pony vs. Destiny  Example: The Show Stoppers

While Georges Polti's 36 Dramatic Situations are probably too "adult" for MLP D&D, Ronald Tobias' 20 Master Plots will serve a Ponymaster quite well:

1. Quest
2. Adventure
3. Pursuit
4. Rescue
5. Escape
6. Revenge
7. The Riddle
8. Rivalry
9. Underdog
10. Temptation
11. Metamorphosis
12. Transformation
13. Maturation
14. Love
15. Forbidden Love
16. Sacrifice
17. Discovery
18. Wretched Excess
19. Ascension
20. Descension

Find a plot you like, combine it with one (or more!) of the basic conflicts, and et voila, you have an MLP D&D adventure ready to go.

There's a reason I mentioned the episode Dragonshy in every singly MLP D&D character writeup, because not only is it a great episode, but it's classic D&D: a quest to defeat a dragon, complete with overland perils. You will note that the dragon was not defeated by force of arms -- in fact, that only made it angry. Likewise the Manticore in Elements of Harmony, the Parasprites in Swarm of the Century or the Hydra in Feeling Pinkie Keen.

Remember, when in doubt, Love and Tolerate the heck out of them.

Just... not like this. 

THE CAMPAIGN WORLD

At first glance, Equestria might seem unexciting, but this misunderstanding comes from not properly embracing the weird. Consider the following:

• Princess Celestia must make the sun rise each day, or there is no dawn. 
• Pegasus ponies are in charge of making the weather. 
• All ponies are responsible for making the seasons change (see Fall Weather Friends and Winter Wrap-Up).
• The ponies are scared to enter the Everfree forest, where plants and animals function without pony intervention.

Is Equestria a world on the brink of ecological collapse that needs constant attention? Or is it an alien planet that is the result of thousands of years of magical terraforming by its inhabitants? Or is it both, and -- much like like the world of Thundarr the Barbarian -- a strange new world, built upon the ashes of the old (and perhaps the bones of humanity), containing a mixture of science and technology?

Equestria: half Dark Sun, half Gamma World. If that doesn't get your gamer juices flowing there's something wrong with you.

My Little Ponypocalypse.

IN CONCLUSION

Is there a little girl in your life who you'd like to introduce to role-playing? Odds are excellent that she's already a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (and if she's not, by all means, introduce her to the series!). All children have a natural affinity for make-believe, and rolling funny dice in bright colors can be fun. Make it an educational experience: you can teach her math, probability, and problem-solving, As she grows up she will want more sophisticated challenges and you can move on to other, more complicated games.

Remember: children are the future of gaming. Don't let them succumb to the instant gratification of MMO's and video games. Teach them the joy of tabletop gaming as they unleash their imaginations.

MLP D&D: Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash is here to make your weekend 20% cooler.

Name: Rainbow Dash
Race: Pegasus pony
Alignment: Chaotic Zoom
Class: Barbarian

I fully expect this one will cause a lot of controversy, and frankly, it does require some stretching and extrapolating of the rules to get here. All I ask is that you bear with me until I'm done and listen to my explanation with an open mind.

Rainbow Dash is your typical fighter pilot: arrogant as all heck and, annoyingly, with the skill to back up that arrogance. She's the Maverick of the pony world (pun fully intended): hot-headed, undisciplined, highly competitive, and unfocused on anything that doesn't involve flying, going fast, winning, or charging in recklessly. She has an intense rivalry with Applejack, because while they both love competition and being outdoors, Rainbow Dash is more concerned with winning by any means necessary whereas Applejack desires a good, clean, fair competition.

So: Dashie is clearly a warrior of some kind (being able to go hoof-to-hoof with the best athlete in Ponyville) and is quite obviously chaotic to Applejack's lawfulness. But while AJ can go for days without sleep (high constitution), Rainbow Dash is more Dexterity-based, due to the demands of flying (skill focuses in both Acrobatics and Flying.)

Yes, yes, I hear you saying that Fly isn't a barbarian skill, but Rainbow Dash is a pegasus pony, so let's just assume that Fly is a racial skill, hmm? Similarly, it makes sense that the Fast Movement power inherent to barbarians applies to her flight and not to her ground movement, because, again, she's a flying creature (and has been shown to out-fly even other flyers) and also because in the footrace versus Applejack in Fall Weather Friends, the two were evenly matched.

All right, let's extrapolate some more. Barbarians get Rage Powers at level 2, and some of the powers available are such things as raging climber, raging leaper, and raging swimmer, which allow the barbarian to add her level to all climbing/leaping/swimming skill checks while raging. It would make sense, would it not, that a race of flying ponies would also have access to a power called raging flyer?

I think we can take it as a given that Rainbow Dash has also selected the Run feat (again, applying to flight and not ground speed) as well as the Swift Foot (in her case, swift hoof) rage power:

Swift Foot (Ex): The barbarian gains a 5-foot enhancement bonus to her speed. This increase is always active while the barbarian is raging. A barbarian can select this rage power up to three times. Its effects stack.

So let's assume that all ponies have a ground speed of 40 feet per move action and a flying speed of 60 feet. This gives Rainbow Dash a base flying speed of 70, and when she rages, that increases to 85. That makes a full move for her 170 feet, and a flat-out non-combat run (x5 speed, because of the feat) gives her a movement rate of 850 feet per six-second turn. This comes out to...

141.66  (repeating) feet per second, or 96.59 miles an hour. The only other class which can even come close to this speed is the monk, through a combination of spending ki points, increases to base movement due to level, and whatever other feats or class archetypes I may have missed. The problem, however, is that all monks are lawful, and anyone who has seen this show knows that Dashie is anything but.

But here's the best part: flying at nearly a hundred miles an hour? Still slower than the speed she moves during Sonic Rainboom:





Look at that face! Teeth clenched in concentration, eyes tearing from the effort... she is focusing her rage to push past the mach barrier (760 mph) and rescue her friend. If Dashie isn't a barbarian then I defy you to find a better base class for her.*

(Notice that I said base class. If there are any prestige classes out there which focus on speed, I'm sure she'd take those.)

Whoever made this is brilliant.
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/04/physics-behind-sonic-rainboom.html

What's even more impressive is that Rainbow Dash has created a Sonic Rainboom not once, but twice; the first time she did it, she was a filly, and not only did it earn her a cutie mark, it also had an effect on everyone else who saw it, too, effectively blasting all of them into puberty.

After this, everything else -- including charging an adult dragon solo and kicking it in the jaw -- pretty much pales by comparison.

IT'S OVER NINE THOOOOOOUUUUUUSAAAAAAAND!!!

To summarize:

• Dexterity is her core stat, with Strength right behind. 
• Charisma is her dump stat, due to her incredible ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. The only character we've seen who is ruder than Dash is Gilda the Griffon, whom everyone hates because she made Fluttershy cry. 
• If she isn't going fast, she's being a jerk, charging ahead without thinking, or generally making a mess of things. 
• Regularly breaks things, including the speed of sound and the laws of physics.

Key "Rainbow Dash is a Barbarian" episodes:

• Charges and attacks a dragon all by herself in Dragonshy
• Creates a tornado (yeah, she can do that too) in Swarm of the Century 
• Has an "Iron Pony" contest with Applejack in Fall Weather Friends
• Totally sides with the buffalo (other barbarians) against the settler ponies in Over a Barrel
• Creates a Sonic Rainboom through force of will in Sonic Rainboom
• Does it again in her origin story in Cutie Mark Chronicles (this time it was in a race)

This series isn't over yet! I will wrap double-length pony week with rules and suggestions on how to actually make an MLP D&D game/campaign setting.


* Having said this, I fully expect someone will show up with a cheesy 3rd party core class for her.

MLP D&D: Fluttershy

Name: Fluttershy
Race: Pegasus pony
Alignment: Neutral Adorable
Class: Druid*

Look, if you don't find Fluttershy utterly adorable there's just something wrong with you. How could this scene not melt your heart and make you go "D'awww"?





Everyone loves Fluttershy; that's her entire schtick. Wild animals love her, trust her, and most importantly obey her; between her massively high Charisma, her druid ability of Wild Empathy, and her having taken every single feat related to that class feature, she exhibits a level of communion with nature that would be frightening if not for her utter lack of ambition aside from wanting to cuddle every living thing.

She's like every hippie chick you've ever met, except she smells better.

Well, every wild living thing. She can face down a manticore but she is terrified of being the center of attention by other ponies. And of course her crippling fear of adult dragons.

But what's important to note is that even though she is terribly afraid of many things (which would indicate a low Will Save, and therefore low Wisdom score) she manages to pull through when the chips are down. Which means that while her Wisdom isn't great, it isn't as low as you'd think -- probably in the 8-11 range. Sure, she isn't going to be casting high-level druid spells any time soon, but that's fine with Fluttershy, because she isn't about conflict at all. She's about healing, nurturing, and empathy. The only reason she goes along with the rest of the Mane Six (i.e. the Player Characters) is to make sure they're all right. She'd feel absolutely awful if one of her friends were to get hurt without her there to make it better.

If this wasn't a children's show, you can be certain Fluttershy would have a marijuana garden behind her cottage. Healing, peace, and love, dude. And if you have a problem with that, well... she'll give you the stare.

In the place of a Dark Lord you would have a Queen!
Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn!
ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!

This is the Face That Breaks Mortal Men. For when you have angered the incarnation of love and tolerance, she will level upon you a gaze which carries the same weight as a gun. This look has been used to admonish a cockatrice who was turning her to stone as she used it. It has also proven effective against unruly chickens and misbehaving children.

And, oh yeah, a red dragon a hundred times her size.



Pure Pony Pwnage.

To summarize:

• Charisma is her core stat. 
• Wisdom isn't as low as you'd think. 
• Strength is her dump stat (she's only used to lifting birds & bunnies).
• Loves nurturing & healing animals. 
• Has tons of animal companions (Pack Lord archetype).
• Can use Wild Empathy to devastating effect.

Key "Fluttershy is a Druid" episodes:

• Tames a vicious manticore that defeated the rest of the team in Elements of Harmony
• Lays the smackdown on a dragon in Dragonshy
• Wakes up all the hibernating animals in Winter Wrap-Up
• Out-stares a cockatrice (and defeats its petrifying gaze) in The Stare Master
• Is seen taking care of animals -- including a very ill phoenix -- in A Bird in the Hoof

* It could be argued that in episode 26, The Best Night Ever, she takes a level in Barbarian....

MLP D&D: Applejack

Pony week continues! Partially because I've had crippling headaches which prevented me from finishing the MLP D&D series, but also because these fillies are too awesome for one week to contain!

Name: Applejack
Race: Earth pony
Alignment: Lawful Git 'er done
Class: Ranger

Applejack is a headstrong country filly who is one of the best athletes in Ponyville (whether or not she is the best is a matter of debate between her and Rainbow Dash). She lives on a farm (Sweet Apple Acres) where she and her family harvest -- you guessed it -- apples. In fact, her entire extended family have names based on apples and know the best ways to plant, grow, and harvest apple trees. (The latter is called applebucking and AJ has refined the skill into a sweet science -- one kick and all the ripe apples fall into waiting baskets.) And when that's done, she can prepare those apples for eating in more ways than you thought possible.

So to reiterate, she's a slayer who comes from a long line of slayers. Her clan is so dedicated to this task that every single one of them takes the name of their Favored Enemy (that they are ever mindful of their duty? as an atavistic remnant of a primitive religion whereby they assume the characteristics of those they hunt? to strike fear into their quarry? The ways of the Apple Clan are chthonic and mysterious and their reasoning is unknown). In short, while they may love apple trees, Applejack and her kin clearly have no love for apples themselves, as she spares no opportunity to subjugate them.

Combine this with her outdoorsy nature and that fact that she has an animal companion (a dog named Winona, who understands complex commands perfectly) and it's obvious that Applejack is a Ranger.

Favored Enemy: Plants (specifically Apples)
Combat Style: Natural Weapon (Hooves)

She once single-hoofedly saved Ponyville from a stampede. Represent, girl.

She's strongly driven, our Applejack. The path of a slayer is a hard one, and requires both determination and dedication -- strong Lawful qualities which make her a natural second-in-command to Twilight Sparkle. She frequently clashes with the more chaotic members of the team (Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, and Rarity to a lesser extent), but when it's time for the hoof to meet the hay, she isn't afraid to jump into a scrap or shoulder a burden if it'll help a friend.

And I will show you fear in a bushel of apples.

To summarize:

• Strength and Constitution are her core stats.
• Charisma and Intelligence are her dump stats (she's quite likable but is terrible with social niceties).
• She defends society without being part of it. 
• Has an animal companion. 
• Has a ton of outdoorsy skills. 
• Comes from a long line of apple-slayers.

Key "Applejack is a Ranger" episodes:

• Leads the party up a mountain to a dragon's cave in Dragonshy (and then drags another party member along a different route while the rest of the group takes the main path)
• Suffers for her dedication to duty as she swears to slaughter harvest all the apples in Applebuck Season
•  Does all sorts of athletic, rangerish things as she competes with Rainbow Dash for the title of "Ponyville's Best Athlete" in Fall Weather Friends
• Uses a combination of animal empathy and rodeo skills to round up a village full of parasprites in Swarm of the Century
• Transports an apple tree named Bloomberg to Appleloosa, where she and her apple-loving kin get stuck in a range war against Buffalo in Over a Barrel.