A Funny Story

The CEO of a Fortune 500 company was having trouble with his Human Resources department. For whatever reason, his company could just not hold onto employees, and whenever they left they listed HR as the main reason why.

Distraught, the CEO went to see his monsignor in search of a miracle, or at least advice. "My son, I have just the man for you," he told the CEO. "I will send him to your company first thing tomorrow morning."

Sure enough, at 8 am the CEO is buzzed by his assistant saying that the interviewee is here. Upon entering, the CEO is flabbergasted; he expected a young man in a suit, but standing before him is an old Hispanic man in a work shirt and overalls, stained with grass and mud and smelling of a front yard.

"The padre, he say come speak to you today," says the man in a thick Spanish accent. "My name is Jesús García. I manage the peoples."

Naturally, the CEO doesn't think the old man is capable of working in HR at all, let alone running the department, but he's known the monsignor for decades and values his wisdom, so the CEO takes a leap of faith and takes the old man down to HR and explains what he needs done.

The old man takes to it like a fish to water. His techniques are old fashioned -- a bulletin board instead of a schedule program, an abacus instead of a calculator, pencil and paper instead of a computer -- but he works a literal miracle inside HR, adeptly managing hiring, firing, transfers, promotions, and vacations. He's so good that the boss loves to show his rivals his "new old system", and they are so impressed that they also try turning over their HR departments to old Hispanic men and women. However, their attempts fail miserably.

One day, the CEO's godson comes to him, fresh out of college with an MBA. He says, "You know I respect you and would never try to compete with you in business, but I must know how you managed such an HR miracle. I promise to you that I will never work against you in this field, but please tell me where to get a man like Jesús García when all your rivals failed."

The CEO smiles and says "Go talk to the monsignor of our diocese. He will help you find your own personnel Jesús."

[Erin exits stage right, pursued by a shaggy dog]