Miniature Black Holes

I don't mean black holes that exist only in a quantum state; I'm talking about the miniature black holes that exist in every one of our homes. We all have them. Yes, even the neat freaks.

What are they, then, if not what Hawking theorized? I'm glad you asked. MBH's are gravitic anomalies which only affect objects, never living beings. Much like regular black holes, you cannot detect them directly, but you can determine their presence based upon the persistent accumulation of clutter in an area despite your best attempts to clean or organize it. Sure, you can disperse one by removing the detritus surrounding it, but it's impossible to eliminate an MBH; you can only hope that it evaporates on its own. Of course, I suppose you could move to a new house, but that just makes the MBH someone else's problem, and you'll soon discover new MBH's in your new home.

Here are some MBHs spotted within my home, along with my observations upon their appearance, persistence and behavior.

This is a nascent MBH, only a few hours old. It is easily disrupted by taking the containers to the garage and dumping them into the recycling bin. However, it reappears on a weekly basis, thereby demonstrating that even baby MBHs are quite tough.

The increased size, spread and disorganization of the clutter indicates that this is a juvenile MBH. Though not quite a hardy as an adult, it nevertheless is much harder to disperse the debris surrounding it as said detritus is too useful to just throw out, yet not valuable enough to have a place of its own. It is theorized that MBHs form when clutter accumulates past a critical mass. This serves to draw in more clutter, since the semi-useful not-trash "must be put somewhere" and "this is as good a place as any to put it". It reforms near-daily.

Vain attempts at organization have only delayed entropy, not prevented it. Soon this clutter will collapse into a full-scale adult MBH and only violent action will remove its debris; even so, it will reform within the day. Drastic steps must be taken to remove it permanently, such as removing the table from the house. Even so, it is entirely possible that such a tenacious thing merely relocate... especially if a similar surface exists nearby or another table is brought in to replace it.

Flat surfaces are not the only places MBHs form; they also prefer corners. Despite being in bins and placed on shelves, my preps aren't neatly as tidy as I'd like. Perhaps the disorganization provides a nurturing environment for this juvenile? We may never know.

The rarely seen catty-corner MBH. Unlike the one on the table, these do not appear to be in a state of eminent collapse; rather, they have achieved a stable orbit around each other. This stability gives them a form of harmonic resonance, making it impossible to disrupt one without disturbing the other, and the size of the adult makes that a daunting task. Thus, the smaller MBH shelters in the lee of the larger. Perhaps this is a mother and child?

Finally, we see the effects of a supermassive MBH. Over four feet long and at least three feet high, this beast is impossible to clean up, let alone disperse. For scale is my dog Daisy, a West Highland terrier who is my rootie-tootie cutie patootie. As you can clearly see, she is herself unaffected by the MBH and can move from it at any time.


Further study into the creation, persistence, and dispersion of miniature black holes is desperately needed. If you have observed any forming in your houses or places of work, please submit your data for analysis.