My Firefly Dream

Gorrammit! I had a dream about Firefly and I woke up before it ended!

What's that? You want to know what I dreamed? Well, all right...

Cue plaintive guitar riff...

It opened with shot of one of the scrubby towns that populate the Firefly 'verse, with a subtitle that this world was called Ozark.

The camera panned to a bunch of townfolk shouting "They're back! The strangers are back! They must have returned for the gold they buried!" and then hustling off out of town in the direction of what was, presumably, the location of the gold.

As they scuttle off, we see that there was a little redheaded girl in pigtails, no older than 13, listening intently to the group of men. After they leave, she looks around to make sure no one is watching her, and she gets on her bicycle and goes the other way.

(What's cool about this bicycle is that there's a second chain from the rear tire to a spinning rod -- basically a horizontally-mounted drop spindle -- that is spinning or winding yarn out of a collection of fiber located in a basket over the rear wheel. My thought in the dream was literally "Oh, cool! As the kids ride their bikes, they're spinning wool into yarn! What a neat and totally Firefly-esque way of doing things!")

So the little girl -- who wasn't named in my dream but who I'm calling Jessie because she reminded me of the Toy Story character -- pedals to a warehouse-like building at the edge of town and sneaks inside. She makes her way through a collection of rusting farm equipment, and it's obvious she's looking for something... or someone. Her eyes widen as she sees (but we don't) what she's looking for, and there's the sound of activity ahead. She creeps towards one of the pieces of heavy equipment which is now sputtering into life and trying to idle, like it hasn't been run in a long time.

As Jessie gets next to this thing -- which looks like some kind of backhoe-forklift thing -- it begins shuddering violently before breaking down in a violent self-disassembly. She screams, covers her face with her arms, and everything goes black as the working arm falls toward her.

(This is probably where the title sequence would go.)

Can you believe that the opening credits for Firefly cannot be found on YouTube? 

I blame Fox. Anyway, this is the best I could do -- and it's nifty besides. 

Jessie wakes up with Simon tending her and saying things like "She'll be all right. It's just a mild concussion, I'd like to keep an eye on her for a few days, though," to a very agitated and rather guilty-looking Wash. Based on the state of his clothes and the grease stains, it's apparent he was trying to fix the fork-hoe and didn't do a good job. Mal, Jayne, and Kaylee come back from somewhere (I get the idea they were scouting -- Mal as brains, Jayne as backup and Kaylee as "You're the engineer, what kind of tools are we gonna need to do this?" -- and see Jessie waking up. Kaylee immediately goes to fuss over her, Mal has an expression of "WTF is she doing here?", and in proper style, Jayne goes over to the makeshift kitchen and starting making a sandwich for himself.

Then there's some dialog that I couldn't quite follow. I got the impression that this was either a sequel to an earlier episode, or this was referencing events that happened to the crew before the TV series. Anyway, what I pieced together was that the crew had been to Ozark before, and that they'd stolen a shipment of gold ore from the local mine, and that they'd used Jessie in their heist as "local kid who knows what's going on and can be our eyes and ears", and that something had gone wrong during the heist and that they'd ditched the train car full of gold in some really bad location (like, off a cliff and into a river-filled ravine bad) before leaving.

When Jessie comes to her senses, she is pissed -- at the fact that the crew left without saying goodbye! (And without giving her her share of the take.) Still rattled, she reaches into her overalls and pulls out a small lunch to eat on the counter. River helpfully points out Jayne's fixings and says "These potatoes are rust-flavored." Jayne replies, with a mouth full of sandwich, "Hey now, let's respect our guest's bad decisions." Obviously he didn't want to share his potato chips.

There's more discussion as Mal asks Jessie what's happened to her in the years since he'd seen her. She mentions that times are even harder for her folks since the last time the crew was on Ozark, and that she'd had to take a job at the local horsehouse.

"Whorehouse?" Mal asks, with murderous intensity in his eyes. "A little [Chinese word] like you? I'll kill whoever put you there." Jessie rolls her eyes. 

"No, no. HORSE house. It's like a hotel for horses. I'm the stable girl there." 

Mal has a kind of "Oh. Well. My bad" expression on his face, there's kind of a musical "womp-wooomp" as Kaylee and Simon look at him whimsically like "Oh look, we caught the big bad captain acting human for a moment and now he's embarrassed"...

... and then I woke up. 青蛙操的流氓!

Doctor Who: The Return of Doctor Mysterio

One year. One whole year.

That's the longest we've been without a new episode of Doctor Who since the wilderness years, measured from the time that Ace and the Seventh Doctor strolled off into a field at the end of Survival until the time the Ninth Doctor told Rose to "Run for your life!" (with only the terrible story featuring the excellent performance of Paul McGann as the Eighth Doctor breaking up the dry spell)

Was it worth the wait? In a word, yes, and much more so than I thought it would be.

From the trailers, I was concerned. The appearance of a super-hero in Doctor Who seems like a failed premise that would hold nothing but failed comedy, but the end product turned out to be anything but. This may be the first Christmas episode that ties directly into a previous one:  the events of the Doctor's personal timeline happen after the 24-year night spent with River in The Husbands of River Song; the return of Nardole, whose head was restored to his body; and the return of head-splitting villains Shoal of the Winter Harmony, now calling themselves the Harmony Shoal Institute.

I don't normally like Matt Lucas, and I still think he looks silly, but his character's been reigned in a bit and I don't think I'll mind him tagging along for a bit longer. He's proving to be a therapeutic influence after the Doctor's loss, knowing when to back off and when to call him out.

Always bring snacks when intruding.

(A fun bit of trivia: when Peter Capaldi was BBC Radio, he said that he'd learned while in Mexico that they call the show "Doctor Mysterio" and people would shout that to him when he'd visited.)

Much like with of Amy Pond and Ashildr, the Doctor seems to be showing duty of care by coming back to look after those whose lives he affected at a young age. It smacks of the guilt he feels in failing in his duty of care towards Clara, despite the superhuman efforts he put forward in so doing. He still can't read human age quite well, first estimating the 8-year-old Grant to be in his 30s, and visiting him at points throughout his life to check in on him and make sure he's behaving responsibly with his powers.

The Ghost didn't quite manage to steal the show from Capaldi -- short of Michelle Gomez, there aren't many who could -- but he was still passable as a proper superhero with the powers of Superman, the brooding of Batman, and the social awkwardness of a very insecure man unable to express his love for a childhood friend.

Lucy, our Lois Lane stand-in (I daresay she's a better Lois Lane than Amy Adams), was very quick. She's smart, determined, and has good instincts. "This is Mister Huffle. He feels pain." wouldn't work on everyone, but it worked on The Doctor.

UNIT shortly afterwards had Mister Huffle banned under the Geneva Conventions.

The villains of last year get some excellent fleshing out, with the very menacing German host Dr. Sim (best German Christmas villain since Hans Gruber?),  and the charismatic CEO Mr. Brock. The splitting head effect is still unnerving, especially when Mr. Brock's eyes move while his head is split open.

On a technical side, the episode holds up very well, packed full of little details both subtle and glaring:

• Twelve falling into his own trap, setting up the entire story. 
• Actual real-world comics (from both Marvel *and* DC) appearing in young Grant's bedroom. 
• Twelve's bafflement over no one realizing Clark Kent is Superman. 
• Literally quoting Uncle Ben's "great responsibility" speech to Grant. 
• The Ghost criticizing the political bias of Fletcher's newspaper. 
• Harmony Shoal being possibly another way of saying "Melody Pond" or "River Song."
• Grant's attempt to unmask himself referencing the 1989 Batman movie, where Michael Keaton repeatedly attempts to tell Vicki Vale that he's Batman, unsuccessfully. 
• Mr. Brock's assistants being Shuster and Siegel, the names of the co-creators of Superman.

That's a pretty good-looking super-suit.

The special effects aren't quite MCU-level superheroics, but they're definitely passable for TV drama, at least on par with the CW family of shows. Even the American accents of the characters were passable -- with the exception of the Canadian actor playing Grant, who still sounds Canadian, and Lucy Fletcher and Mister Brock sounded pretty natural.

There's a recurring musical cue as well that's very, VERY old-school: the 80s synth riff that would be at home anywhere between Tom Baker and Sylvester McCoy's era. I remember first hearing hints of it back in Robot of Sherwood, and there's some very memorable heroic themes at work here, which have proven effective in both the Marvel movies and DC shows.

I've missed Peter Capaldi, really I have. This episode provides a vast array of him, from the irreverent moments (eating sushi while intruding in the evil lair), to the manic (absently answering a child's questions while setting a trap for temporal anomalies), to the said, quiet moments ("Things end" and unbuttoning his shirt alone in the console room). But at the end of Hell Bent, he promised to Clara to "Be a Doctor" again, and he's back in full force, velvety coat and new screwdriver, and it feels good to see him again.

As for the preview for the next series... I'm not sold on Bill yet, but if handled properly, she has the potential to be the next Donna. She seems a bit annoying and gobby, asking a lot of dumb questions; but then, so did Donna at the beginning. By the end of Donna's run, though, we had a fleshed-out character who had grown and matured (and what a shame that it was ruined by her departure. I'll never forgive you for that, RTD). Nardole also seems to be sticking around for at least a few more episodes, which will lend an interesting dynamic in the TARDIS, and Capaldi is delivering lines with serious gusto. Despite any reservations, I'm looking forward to the series returning properly and in full after it's year's rest.

All in all, I'd say that this is the best Christmas special yet. Not that this was a particularly high bar to cross, as the Christmas specials tend towards being outrageous and silly, packing in killer Christmas trees, robot Santas, silly giant headless robots, and the like. It's up there with Clara's second appearance, which was a genuinely good episode as well. The Christmas specials appear to be getting progressively better, with 2014 being the exception as an otherwise suspenseful and tear-jerking tale was marred by the jarring appearance of Nick Frost's Santa Claus.

In fact, the only problem I had with this special was the non-appearance of Slade's Merry Christmas Everybody, which I think has popped up in every one so far.

Final Reminder for the Amy Dillon Benefit Raffle

I mentioned the Amy Dillon Benefit Raffle last month, but in case you missed it -- or in case you meant to enter, but forgot about it -- or in case you didn't have funds because you were saving for Christmas -- or maybe you just want to enter again to get another shot at winning this sweet rifle...

... I want to remind you that you have only 24 hours left to enter the drawing. The deadline for entry is noon tomorrow (Dec 29), Mountain Standard Time.

To enter, all you have to do is go to Amy's GoFundMe page, donate $25 or more, and forward your receipt email to ADillonBenefitRaffle AT gmail DOT com. Each $25 counts as one entry. 

And even if you don't win the rifle, there are still other great prizes to be won, including signed books by such noted authors as Larry Correia, Sarah Hoyt, Michael Z. Williamson and Andrew Branca. 

Donate to help a firearms instructor and fierce 2nd Amendment advocate! You might just win something really neat for your trouble!

Feng Shui: The Power to Move You*

Movement hasn't been much of an issue in my Feng Shui campaign, because most of the fights have been in cramped spaces. But since my players prefer to play with a game map (blasphemy, I know! But they are uncomfortable with the vagueness of "theater of the mind" combat), this will come up at some point in the future and so I'm going to codify it now.

Page 101 in the core book states that it is a 3-shot action to "Run full-out, traveling twice your Speed in meters."

From this I derive these very loose rules:

• It costs no shots to move 1 meter (this is the Feng Shui version of the "Five foot step" rule from D&D). 
• It costs 1 shot to move your speed in meters. 
• However, if you make it into a stunt (-2 to your attack value), then you can move up to your speed in meters while still attacking. 

* Apologies to Tenacious D. (Mind bullets are a separate schtick.)

Product Review: the Hard Charger

I've been using the Hard Charger side-charging handle system ($154.00 & free shipping) for the past 7 months and I love it to death.

I apologize if this review isn't as detailed as some of the others I've done. To a certain extent, there isn't much to say beyond "It's a side charging handle, and it does everything it says it will do and it does it really, really well," but I have endeavored to go into more detail for my readers.

What It Is
The Hard Charger is an accessory that mounts to any standard flat-top forged upper, replacing the standard charging handle and occupying the first Picatinny rail slot. As you can see from the photos of my AR, you can still mount optics with the Hard Charger and their installation does not prevent its use.

It also comes with a selection of handles (one all-metal, one coated in cushioned plastic) which gives the shooter the ability to tailor the system to his preferred shooting style and comfort level.

Hard Charger with red/green dot sight and BUIS.

Hard Charger with BSA Sweet .223 scope on a QD mount.

What It Does
As the embedded video shows, the Hard Charger gives an AR-15 operator the ability to work its action using his left hand (or belt, or other body parts, or bits of the environment, or etc) while still retaining the ability to use the charging handle in the traditional manner.

While I do not expect to use this in combat with a wounded arm, I like being able to chamber a round without fumbling around and under my scope's eyepiece for purchase. I can also see the appeal in working the bolt without having to take my hand off the pistol grip.

Installation
This is ridiculously easy:

1. Open your AR-15 for maintenance;
2. Remove the bolt carrier group and charging handle;
3. Install the Hard Charger receiver on the picatinny rail;
4. Insert the pull handle into the Hard Charger receiver;
5. Insert the Hard Charger charging handle as demonstrated in the video;
6. Insert your bolt carrier group as usual;
7. Close rifle and perform function check. 

Your Hard Charger is now ready to go. 

Other Versions

There are currently other versions in development, such as those which mount in the middle of the rail and at the end, as well as a version for left-handed rifles, but those are not yet for sale. 

My Verdict
As I mentioned above, I've been using it since May and I really enjoy mine. I like the options that it gives me, it does not interfere with any of my optics, and it continues to work flawlessly.

What's more, Devil Dog Concepts is veteran owned and operated. In fact, the design for the Hard Charger was formed from the combat experience of the founders both in the Middle East and as SWAT team members, and so I'm inclined to listen when combat veterans say that this is a good idea.

About the worst thing I can say about it is that, at $154, it's rather spendy.

If you are at all interested in having a side-charging system for your AR-15 rifle, I strongly encourage you to investigate Devil Dog Concepts and their Hard Charger.

Dear FTC: I received this product free for review. I did not promise a good review, nor did I receive anything in return for a good review. Also, tell your mom I said hi. 

Gun Blog Variety Podcast #123 - Happy Holidays 2016

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from all of us at the GunBlog VarietyCast! Enjoy our holiday-sized episode and we'll see you next year!

• Beth is "On Assignment" and will return next week.
• Two suspects are arrested in the murder of a third, and you'll never guess how they knew each other! Sean tells you all about it.
• Barron is on assignment and will return soon.
• In the Main Topic, Erin and Sean take a look back at 2016.
• Tiffany was so intrigued by Weer'd's Audio Fisk of the "Miss Sloan" film trailer that she had to run out and watch it...and then she tells Weer'd all about it in a double segment we like to call "The Weerdy and Tiffy Show."
• Erin combines her Blue Collar Prepping segment with the Plug of the Week to tell you about the Mule Light by UVPaqlite.

Thank you for downloading, listening, and subscribing. You are subscribed, right? We are available on iTunes, Stitcher Radio, and now on Google Play Music!

Listen to the podcast here.

Read the show notes here.

Thanks also to Firearms Policy Coalition for their support. And a special thanks to our sponsors for this episode, Remington Ammunition and Lucky Gunner.com.

Merry Christmas 2016

May the joy of this holiday season

be as precious as jewels,

as plentiful as snowfall, 

and sparkle as brilliantly

as diamonds in your heart. 

Merry Christmas & Happy Hearth's Warming, everypony!