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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Seasonal Depression

Gah. I must be suffering from seasonal depression, even though I don't exactly feel depressed. I'm just exhausted all the time, for no real reason. I have zero energy and no desire to do anything except  sit in front of the TV and vegetate.

Wait, that's not entirely true. I have the desire to write, except I don't have the energy or imagination to write anything other than this half-assed entry. There's something I wanted to do for Pear Harbor Day, which was yesterday, and by the time I get around to it I fear it will be too late for the entry to have any meaning whatsoever (although honestly it wasn't going to have much meaning anyway).

I am so fucking tired of this holiday season and it's only going to get more "in my face" festive in the coming weeks. Please, someone kill me now. Or at least supply me with enough booze that I pass out until after Christmas. A coma sounds delightfully restful.

I know it's Wednesday and I'm supposed to post something wacky, but nothing seems funny to me right now. It's all fake. Everything about this time of year is fake, including the forced sentiment we have to endure in order to avoid being called grinches.

I'm not a grinch, or at least I don't think I am. I don't want to take anyone's Christmas away. I just wish there was some way for you to have yours without foisting rampant commercialism and false cheer on mine. You know that hush you get in a church when the lights go down, right before the candles start lighting up and the congregation sings "Silent Night"? That moment, that pregnant pause, is my ideal Christmas moment, and all I want is to celebrate it.

Unfortunately it's being drowned out by the glitz and schmaltz and lights and carols.

4 comments:

  1. I don't know how you can beat this, sadly -- unless you find a way to flip your disgust into detached amusement at the chaos of it all.

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  2. The only thing I can turn my disgust into is a white-hot flame of pure rage. Does that count? Because I am totally up for a re-enactment of "Jesus and the Moneychangers" with me in the title role, only with retail displays instead. Here, let me get my festively-bedecked cat o' nine tails....

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm with ya'. With the exception of TCM, I've pretty much shut off the television and have intentionally buried myself in busy work. My spouse and I are separating and I can't bear to deal with the holidays and all the commercial fakeness this year. 2010 has been the worst for me in every way, it only seems suitable for it to end with this noise. But I'm sure 2011 will be awesome and so I've got my focus set on that and January 2nd :) It'll be great for you too.

    Until then, perhaps just find a charming movie like the original "The Bishop's Wife" and have your favorite holiday drink, and you'll feel a little better for it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ha -- there is something to be said for the cleansing power of fire!

    ReplyDelete

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