Justine, or Sometimes I'm A Woman.

     I'm sure you've all heard the theories and dismissals:   

• They're probably all a bunch of pervs, pretending to be girls online.

• Well, who wants to stare at a dude's ass for hours on end?

• They just want to play dress-up with skimpy armor!    

     I'm one of those weirdo guys that plays as female characters. Why? Can't be the first one. I never claim to anyone in multiplayer that I'm female. I'm willing to use my microphone, and have a distinctively male voice. As for the second, I'll play female even in first-person, where there's no arse to stare at. As for the last, I dress conservatively enough most of the the time (that ark hunter outfit below made me a little uneasy, but it just looks *so* badass) that I get hit on because other players think I'm really female because I'm not showing skin.

     Of all the games I play, the ones that hold a special place in my heart are the ones where you can create your own characters. I'll concede the point that there are a glut of 20-to-30-something, short-brown-haired white dudes as protagonists in video games, as there are in many forms of media, so my interest is always peaked at seeing a good, strong female lead. Give me a Faith Connors, a Jill Valentine, the new Lara Croft any day for a dash of variety in storytelling. If there's an option of male or female character, I'll actually feel more comfortable playing as the female character. There's a good reason for that, too.

Ark Hunter Justine

Commander Justine Shepard

     Which brings us to Justine. Justine is a topic I'm not always comfortable talking about, as there's a whole population boom of folk claiming head-mates and what-not (I swear I don't have a Tumblr account), but I was recently told it might make for good discussion. Justine was a loose set of viewpoints that floated through my head in my early days of writing, as I tried to inform a believable female voice to characters that I would write. I've always felt I had a gift for seeing the world from other viewpoints, and I felt that perhaps if I pushed that gift a little further, I could speak with a voice unlike my own. So a loose set of ideas and viewpoints remained in my head until such time that gaming started moving in a direction that allowed for deeper character customization.

     I think Commander Justine Shepard, Biotic Vanguard and XO of the Alliance frigate Normandy SR1 was the first time the name appeared. And appeared is probably the most apt term. I've never known a Justine in real life, and I can only think of a handful of pop culture folk that have the name, none of which had a particularly heavy influence on me. But Justine Shepard formed a more solid image in my head, with the first few defining traits. Red hair. Hard features, pale blue eyes, and a shotgun. Justine, from Vault 101, was the next time she appeared, and gained a touch more solidity. She'd be willing to help those who approached her, slow to anger, and a bit of a loner. Justine the Courier for the Mojave Express would try the diplomatic approach, but the moment you drew on her, she'd put you down. When she went back into space on the Normandy SR2, she fell in love with an old friend; he had reach, she had flexibility.

    Due to differences in game engine and artistic style, her looks do vary a little, but there are some things that never change. Red hair, blue eyes, almost always human (thanks, Kingdoms of Amalur, made me play a freakin' elf). Some way of getting right up in the enemy's faces, be that a cloaking device, biotic charge, or shotgun loadout. Sensible armor and/or clothing.  She'll negotiate, but she won't back down. She's fiercely loyal to her crew (except dumb muscle-heads that defy orders and wreck her shuttle), but wary of strangers.

Courier Justine, probably the most developed image of them all.

Justine, Dragonborn

Justine of the 3rd St Saints

      She's since been a celebrity gang leader, an Ark hunter, and someone who speaks with the voice of a dragon, but she's been the same person each time. She makes the same decisions that feel natural for her to make, picks the gear that would make sense for her to pick. It's almost like I'm not playing alone when I'm playing a game as Justine.

     Now, for those of you worried, I fully acknowledge that she's not a real person. She's merely a viewpoint in my mind that gets a lot of exercise. She has, however, grown past simply being a literary tool or a way to see through the eyes of another person. Either way, I take some comfort in the fact that I'm not picking my protagonists just to see some tail waggling in my face for hours on end.   

(In case you're interested, the games referenced here include the Mass Effect series, Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas, Saints Row The Third, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, and Defiance)

The Return of VIMH

Voices In My Head: Hey, there's some interesting stuff up here.

Me: I beg your pardon?

VIMH: Up here, in your memory. There's a large box labeled "Blogs I wrote in my head just as I was drifting off to sleep and then promptly forgot about." It's quite interesting.

Me: I don't like the thought of you rummaging about up there...

VIMH: Hey, you asked us for help, remember? So we're helping.

Me: By snooping?

VIMH: Precisely. It's not like we can go for stroll to clear our minds, you know? We're stuck in your head, after all. So it's only right that we get to riffle through the interesting fiddly bits you keep up in the attic.

Me: I'm not sure how wise that is, but go for it.

VIMH: Oh dear lord.

Me: ... what?

VIMH: This... this is horrible. Disgusting, even. Morgan Freeman slashfic? HAVE YOU NO SHAME?

Me: I'd like to point out in my defense that I was drunk at the time. Besides, he and Edward James Olmos make a very cute couple:


VIMH: (A chorus of disjointed voices) I... I can't deal with this right now. This is sickening. I feel hurt and betrayed. I rather liked it. Shut up, you!

Me: Aw, don't be like that... look, I can write you some nice lesbian fiction if that'd make you feel better.

VIMH: No, we think it'd be better if we just left.

<Exeunt VIMH>

Me: Huh. Apparently the Voices in my Head are a bunch of homophobic men. Who knew?

Internal Dialogue

Palette: Okay, Voices In My Head, this has to stop.

Voices In My Head: What do you mean? Like T.S. Eliot's Hollow Men, we have always been here. You aren't going to get rid of us just by asking, oh no. It'll take years of psychoanalysis, medication, and possibly even electroshock therapy.

P: That's not what I meant. No, you guys have been falling down on the job lately.

VIMH: That can't possibly be right. We've been giving you fucked-up dreams at industry-standard schedule, the Department of Inadvertent Outbursts has just embarked on its award-winning "Get her to say 'Goddammit' in church" program for the third year in a row, and the Subconscious Miners have been dredging up uncomfortable memories like clockwork. How can you possibly say we aren't doing our jobs here?

P: You're not giving me interesting material to write about.

VIMH: Well excuse us, Miss Demandypanties. We're your Id; we don't have to do what you want.

P: You don't seem to grasp the symbiotic nature of our relationship here.

VIMH: Grasp this, you little...

P: I'm a writer. Without new material to write about, I'm just an "er". Do you know what "ers" do? They watch reality television, work in retail, and follow celebrity gossip. I'm pretty sure I could drown you out, and kill more than a few brain cells in the process, if I suddenly start caring about Nicole Richie, Lindsey Lohan, and Paris Hilton.

VIMH: ... well played. What are your demands?

P: I need new material for my blog. I've stopped reading comic books, run out of authors to imitate, and new episodes of Jericho and Battlestar Galactica don't air until 2008. Furthermore, I've got a bit of a reputation as an eccentric, and I want that characteristic flavor of inspired, ecstatic lunacy to be prevalent in this new work.

VIMH: Hmm. The problem here, you see, is that we're inherently chaotic in what we do. Schedules don't work well for us.

P: All I need is a sperm of the idea and my conscious mind can do the rest. I'll handle the structure and implementation; all you guys have to do is churn out wild-ass notions. Sound reasonable?

VIMH: I think I can sell that, yes.

P: So help me out here.

VIMH: How about a series of internal dialogs between you -- the author -- and the voices in your head? You could turn it into a recurring series of faux conversations, with us suggesting insane notions and you responding to them.

P: Give me an example?

VIMH: With gas prices the way they are, I bet you'd save a ton of money if you refit your car to run by burning cow patties. Heck, if you changed your diet and stopped flushing your toilet, I'll bet you could even get it to work on your own excreta! And composting is so very trendy these days.....

P: It's been a pleasure doing business with you.