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Monday, August 12, 2013

I'm so happy I could vomit.

Literally.

So, last night Squeaky posted that between the YouCaring site and private donations to her PayPal account, we've broken the $3000 mark.  Hooray!

This also means that you've unlocked what is, essentially, the Cheesecake Photograph Tier.  Quoting from my post about Stretch Goals:
$3000:  I might be persuaded to do a bikini pic. I warn you, however, that this isn't nearly as titillating as you might think. But if you want something fun, flirty, pin-up, etc, this is your goal. You poor bastards.
Now before you jump to conclusions, I want you all to know that I'm not going to weasel out of this at all. Squeaky has given me all sorts of escape valves here -- "Have you ever considered the fact that you don't have to wear ONLY a bikini?" -- but I have a sense of honor about keeping my word.  I'm not going to let the fact that I am so freaked out about showing more than my face that, when I heard the news, I threw up a couple times stop me from fulfilling my obligations.

Because I might be an asshole, but I'm an honest asshole, dammit.

Even though I honestly thought you folks would never donate that much, and I was never in any danger of having to see it through, and I included that tier only to entice folks to donate more, I will keep the promises I made.

But I am going to beg you guys -- please don't ask me to pose in a bikini. Please. You think you want to see this, but you do not.   I cannot stress this with enough force. I will find character references, if necessary, to back up how nasty my body is.

You will be horribly disappointed if you think you will get a sexy, titillating shot.   I'm talking seriously angry disappointed. "Demanding your money back" disappointed. I beg you again. Do not ask this of me.

That said... I made a promise, and I'm going to keep it. If that is what you folks really, really want... on your own heads be it. We will all suffer a disaster beyond your imagination.



37 comments:

  1. A beach ball is an appropriate prop to go with a swimsuit of any kind, and gives many tactical concealment options.

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  2. I was thinking a slinky evening gown with gloves to the armpit, hair done beautifully and a tasteful chinese style fan.

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  3. To be honest, that does cover far more of the body than is usual for glamour shots, and I approve of covering myself up.

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  4. :-) I was just happy to help. And it was before all this bikini stuff came up. Please don't do anything you feel uncomfortable doing. Unless it involves posing with a Traveller book.

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  5. I donated because you asked, and because your friend needs help, and that's what human beings should do when they are in a position to do so.


    If someone gets pissy because they're not getting a bikini shot, they can just fuck right off. Respect your boundaries. Your friends do.

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  6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-4Zobl5AJw

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  7. I'm sure it's not that abhorrent, but it's your call. You were pretty clear about the MIGHT be persuaded, too, so surely honour is satisfied anyway?

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  8. I'll repost what I put up over at Squeaky's

    "The idea of bikini pics most certainly will invoke a Pavlovian
    response from guys, but Erin is already putting herself way out there as
    it is to ask this of her would be crass in my opinion. I am however a
    huge fan of pinup and wouldn’t mind that at all, but I won’t insist on
    it. Erin is making a huge sacrifice just by having her picture taken. I
    would like to suggest that for now everyone who gets to make a request
    should request that Erin wear whatever she feels the most comfortable in
    even if it is a T-Shirt 3 sizes too large, baggy jeans and pink crocs
    festooned with My Little Pony buttons.

    The mischievous part of me thinks Erin in a Soviet Era Great Coat
    holding her Mosin Nagant skipping through a field of tulips would be
    epic."

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  9. That's... that's really lovely of you, Steve. Thank you so much. I'm actually crying a little bit. :)

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  10. Didn't mean to make you tear up, but you're welcome. :)

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  11. "My Little Mosin" with Oleg behind the camera and you dressed comfortably and feeling relaxed - much more class than any bikini pic.

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  12. I'm actually gonna second the evening gown suggestion. The bikini shot is intellectually easy and kinda the obvious call. Sharp formal wear, however, that's actually pretty cool and a bit more intriguing.

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  13. I'll gladly kick in some more for a "My LIttle Mosin" bit (photo, video, poem, song, your choice). I'm curious to see what you could do with the idea.

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  14. Evening gown would go along with that reference to Phantom of the Opera. Or a picture in a Phantom costume.

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  15. Ooh! Phantom reference. You know, I can quote the whole thing from memory. Anything from that sound interesting for a duet, Erin?

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  16. I've gone looking and I can't find the post on Squeak's blog where you said this. Link please?

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  17. I'm quite certain you're a much lovelier woman than you give yourself credit for. Do whatever makes ya comfortable girl.

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  18. Oooooo....evening gown, hair done up right, makeup, simple-yet-elegant jewelery....and her Mosin (bayonet is optional). Perhaps with a burning ballroom in the background? I'm sure Oleg would be up for that!

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  19. oh, i must have mis-read the first time. I assumed with cheesecake and bikini and Squeaky all in the same sentence you gals were going for bikini cheesecake wrestling. That way smushed cheesecake pieces would help cover any parts you may be overly unselfconscious of.

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  20. Wear the bikini! The smallest skimpiest one you can find. Wear it around your wrist and dress comfortably otherwise. Then we can say, "Look at this pic of Erin, that bikini isn't covering anything at all!"

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  21. Soviet great coat, summer in FL...


    Title for the pic post: Erin Gets Heatstroke for Squeaky

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  22. First off, it's your picture and your blog. You need to be comfortable and have fun. So, do or don't do. Whatever floats your boat works for me.

    Second, I'm willing to bet $5 that you're hotter than you give yourself credit for.

    Thirdly, anyone can do a bikini picture (though, admittedly, some should not), but you don't need nakedness to be sexy. My favorite outfit on my wife is a nicely tailored pair of white pants with a form fitting top.

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  23. New poster, I had to approve the comment. It's there, now.

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  24. LOOK!^ I'm NOT the only one who thought of the bikini as a technicality! BOOM GOES THE TANNERITE.


    Seriously, though, that's effin' hilarious. +1 to that idea!

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  25. Ok I have already made my thoughts known before and I will again. I didn't donate money to get a pic, song, dance or anything else. I donated my money to help your friend out in her time of need. I do not except you to provide any of the above eater.

    But if you feel you need to do what you said you would after some of us have said you don't half to that is your call. I would not go over board! Dress up but dress in a way you are happy with. Do a cosplay that you have always wanted to do. This is your chance to kill two birds with one stone.

    If you still want to go through with your stretch goals then throw out some ideas of somethings you want to do. Don't let a few vocal people box you into doing something you don't want to do.

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  26. Sigh,
    Anyone who has perused Oleg's site should be confident that he will produce some awesome shots of Erin no matter the attire. Being one of the financiers who originally voted bikini I would like to withdraw/modify my vote ad substitute three little words: Erin - Mosin - Steampunk. There I said it, now where do I send the donation for the totally smoking corset and boots?

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  27. Phantom is my all time favorite! I even have it as the ringtone on my phone.

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  28. Most women are hotter than they give themselves credit for. This is, of course, offset by the small minority who think they are magnitudes hotter than they actually are and make me want to claw my eyes out.

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  29. That is, without a doubt, the best idea yet presented on the subject.

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  30. "The mischievous part of me thinks Erin in a Soviet Era Great Coat
    holding her Mosin Nagant skipping through a field of tulips would be
    epic."

    I like it!

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  31. Let me join the cacophony in saying I was completely NOT motivated by a thin "maybe I'll wear a bikini" photo. Frankly, I never read that far.


    You do not "owe" anyone anything, but if having Oleg take a glamor shot of you and your Mosin will make you feel you've met your "obligation (remember, this is defined by YOUR thinking)," then by all means!


    I could shave my head and pose in a thong, but civilization as we know it would shatter into oblivion, and I'd scare small children, puppies and kittens as well. So that sort of shot published on the innertubes is right out for moi as well.

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  32. As noted, cheesecake does not require lots of bare body; blankets, scarves, slinky dresses all work well.

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  33. I would be good with a full size version of the profile pic you had for a while with the large glasses and the furry hat and the frontier style dress. I thought that was awesome.

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  34. You do what you are comfortable with. But you really should realize that your fans are fans and have no interest in ridiculing you. You are a beautiful person as demonstrated by your enthusiasm for a friend's needs.

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  35. I'm less concerned about being ridiculed by my readers (although there is that, don't get me wrong) than I am about the pictures being posted to The Internet That Never Forgets And Never Forgives where I can be mocked by trolls, tards and assholes for years and years to come.

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  36. Understandable. But the internet is full of pictures of JLo's backside to compete for attention away from you. Besides, if your picture really attracts that much attention, you'll only drive a Kardashian to put out another bad pron video to compete.


    ;-)

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  37. You agreed to 'in a bikini'... You didn't agree to '*only* a bikini'.... there's nothing stopping you from strapping on a parka and some snow pants, and throwing a bikini over the top of that, and still keeping your word, -and- your emotional balance.

    Just thinking outside the box.

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