I watched the mid-season finale of Fear the Walking Dead last night and it felt like a series finale. This is unusual because mid-season finales are typically cliffhangers, but there was a feeling of finality to season 4's episode 8, with all of the current plot threads having been resolved and no lingering questions remaining. And I'm happy with that. I have closure, which means it's a good time to stop watching.
No one lives happily ever after in the zombie apocalypse, and this season drove that home. It started with four members of the original surviving cast, and by episode 8 that number had been cut in half. I didn't want to see the remaining original character that I liked (Victor Strand) be killed or reduced to a shadow of his former greatness by meddling writers.
It's interesting the way that FtWD differs from its parent series, The Walking Dead. The biggest difference, of course, is that FtWD is completely its own creature and can follow its own course instead of having to follow in the footsteps of the comics, but there were others. For me, the most important difference is how the characters died: in TWD there was a pattern of "You know a major character will die soon because you're starting to hate them" -- or at least, this was true back when it was written well and they didn't kill popular characters just for shock value (Tyreese, Abraham, Glenn) -- but in FtWD the pattern was "Kill off a character as soon as they become too competent/acclimated to the world" (Travis, Ofelia, Nick, Madison).
The deaths of Nick and Madison really bothered me. I was frankly shocked that Nick was killed because I considered him uniquely qualified to survive the zombie apocalypse. I even called him "the cockroach" because I felt that he and roaches could survive anything.
Madison's death bothered me for a different reason: they'd been leading up to it all season, and instead of having a dramatic action sequence for the last quarter of the episode, they instead took an artistic path and focused almost entirely on her face and body. It was interesting, to be sure, but it wasn't very satisfying.
The show has introduced more characters, of course. I don't care about most of them, and I actively despise both Charlie and LauraNaomiJune. About the only new character I like is John Dorie, and he's such a nice guy that I know he's going to die horribly, probably at the hands of one of the women.
No, I don't care about Morgan, the TWD crossover character. I find him simultaneously preachy and hypocritical ("All life is precious"... until he loses his temper, that is). I do, however, find it indicative of the current state of TWD's morality that the one person with an ethical code chose to leave rather than stick around. But that's what happens when the writers murder the show's conscience for sake of drama.
Speaking of TWD, I stopped watching it last year because it was an abusive relationship. No, really; the writers manipulated me and fucked with me. First they left me hanging for seven months, wondering who Negan would kill; then they shocked us all with "The person everyone thought was going to die survived... haha, faked you out, we killed him too!" About half of the season was useless padding (who can forget the thrilling Sasha and Rosita Go For a Walk?) and the other half was the characters figuratively eating shit, never giving them a victory and forcing them to be humiliated to survive. Finally, at the big season ender -- after half a season of "We're going to war!" -- not a single villain of importance dies. Not the big bad, not even one of his lieutenants. Nope, even then, the audience was denied emotional satisfaction.
So I stopped watching, and I'm glad I did. From what I hear of this past season, I made the right choice. They killed off Carl, and the actor who plays Rick is going to leave at the end of next season. I don't know what that means for the fate of the show, since the writers have said that Rick is the hero of the story. Maybe they'll make Daryl and Michonne the heroes. I don't know, and I no longer care. The writers made it plain they didn't respect me, that they enjoyed manipulating me, and would continue to jerk me around. Once I realized that, I was free of them.
I left The Walking Dead with anger that turned to contempt. With Fear the Walking Dead, I have an entirely different feeling: satisfaction. The story has reached a natural end and I don't need to see more. I'm fine.
I love Star Trek. Not to the extent of my big three, which are Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, and Mystery Science Theater 3000, but in the eternal debate of Star Wars vs Star Trek, I'll always pick Trek. I remember seeing some of the movies when I was visiting my dad's family in Boston as a wee one, catching reruns in the afternoon, and staying up late to watch The Next Generation and Deep Space 9.
I still haven't (and most likely never will) finish watching Voyager. I keep meaning to watch the last two seasons of Enterprise, but can never find the time for it. I suppose this is for the best; those series will never reach the brilliance of story-telling that DS9 did, so I'll let them go.
I even enjoy the relaunch movies to an extent. Into Darkness was still visually pleasing despite being inferior to its inspiration, and it's a shame that nobody saw Beyond, because it was a lot of fun
What am I getting at with this nostalgic reminiscence? Well, Star Trek: Discovery will be coming out soon... I think. I say "I think" because I actually have no intention of watching it - not from some misguided boycott or sense of betrayal or anything like that, but just out of a lack of interest. I've kept up with behind-the-scenes scuttlebutt on the series, and given the re-writing, re-casting, and overall mess that's been going on around it, I just don't see a reason to get invested.
I've seen public statements that have been comparing the Klingons in ST:D (and who thought that abbreviation was a good idea?) to both Muslims and "Trump's America", and which celebrated the gender and racial diversity of the main cast, but there has been absolutely no confidence shown whatsoever in the actual writing of the show.
ST:D (I'm not going to stop calling it that) just does not look interesting at all. Something which has caught my eye - though in a very surprising way - is The Orville.
That's... a nice ride.
I hate Family Guy. I viscerally hate it. I don't think I've ever enjoyed something that's had the creative hand of Seth MacFarlane on it; there's just something about his humour that doesn't click with me. So when I heard he was making something of a comedic tribute to Star Trek, I decided I was going to just stick to ST:D and be done with it.
Except for two things:
ST:D is going to be on CBS All-Access, and I can't really think of anything else on CBS I want to watch, so I don't really want to pay for a subscription service for one show. I have a feeling this is going to be a fairly common sentiment as well, so a large portion of ST:D's audience is going to be torrenters, downloaders, and pirates.
The Orville is... actually pretty good.
That last one was a shocker to me. I wasn't going to watch The Orville, but given how many people on my timeline were singing its praises, I gave it a shot. The effects aren't bad (a plus, given how it will save on budget with its minimalist style and slightly cheap CGI); the writing isn't over-the-top inexplicable Family Guy humour; the acting is serviceable; and most importantly, it's got heart.
While I feel that ST:D is going to be a lot of super-serious people pulling super-serious faces while bashing us over the head with a Trump-hammer painted in a vaguely Klingon-esque manner, The Orville promises a light-hearted space adventure somewhere between TNG and Galaxy Quest. And really, I think that's what I want right now. I think that's what a lot of people want right now, if the ratings are any indication.
"Are they right? Am I out of touch? No... it's the viewers."
Here's to you, Seth. While Trek may be lost to heavy-handed message fiction, you've earned a chance. Don't waste it.
More away game material that ought to be showcased here:
If you want an explanation of why I feel this way: The boss fight in the final episode is okay at best, and had a little too much of "All you need to win is the power of love" to make me happy, but it was an acceptable 20 minutes to wrap up the series.
Unfortunately, there was 30 more minutes to go, and the denouement was similar to a souffle slowly collapsing.
If they had just stopped with him defeating Diamondback and Misty doing the whole "It'll be cool, I've got your back," that would have been great. All of the other stuff could have been folded into the second season.
That said, though, it's an amazingly good show and worth the time to watch. The casting is spot-on, the acting is excellent, the dialog flirts with Tarantino without actually trying to be Tarantino, the music is great (I can't stand rap, but I can grove to funk), and it's just basically a 21st century retelling of a 1970s blaxploitation movie.
It just deserved a better, perhaps tighter, ending.
People who follow me on der Lederhosen are no doubt aware that I have been critical of the past few seasons of Arrow. (Having finished this season, my thoughts are "I'm actually insulted by the season finale. I'm only sticking around long enough to see who lived through the bullshit cliffhanger -- probably everyone -- and then unless I'm given a damn good reason, I'm out.")
With that in mind, let's play a little game called When Should They Have Ended The Series?
Series I Have Watched
Arrow: At the end of season 3, when -- for the first and only time -- Oliver and Felicity are happy, driving off into the sunset. Not only is it a happy ending, but there are NO dangling plot threads to be resolved!
Babylon 5: Season 4, with the season 5 season finale as the series finale. Admittedly, there is lots of good stuff in s5, but the season was slow to start (what with having tied up all the plot threads at the end of s4, thinking they wouldn't get renewed) and did we really need Byron the angsty telepath?
Battlestar Galactica: Season 3, episode 4. This is right after the fleet has escaped from Cylon captivity on New Caprica, but before the start of "Starbuck kills herself, then inexplicably comes back" and "Part of the crew are secretly Cylon". Yes, plots are never resolved this way, but to be honest, some of them (Starbuck) were never resolved anyway.
Blindspot: 10-15 minutes before the end of the s2 finale, when they've wrapped everything up but before they introduce the "2 years later" lead-in to next season. (I am aware this is a bit presumptuous as s3 hasn't even aired yet, but the lead-in to next season just screams "Bullshit relationship drama between Jane and Kurt." And the magical DNA box & glowing tattoos just peg my WTF meter.)
CSI: Season 8 episode 7, with Sarah leaving the show. She joined the show in the first episode, so her leaving the show is a natural end point.
Chuck: At the end of season 4. Again, loose ends are tied up and everyone is happy.
Flash: I really want to like this show, but honestly I don't think I can take more grimdark. I loved the first season but I don't think I can take more gloom and doom.
Heroes: The end of season 1. I don't think anyone will dispute this.
Highlander: I never finished this series because when it aired in the 90s it was syndicated, and the channel it was on decided to move its schedule around and air it in the middle of the night. That said, either the end of season 3 (resolving the Kalas plotline) or the first episode of season 4 (where Duncan returns home to Scotland) make a good end for the series.
Lost: Considering the hot mess that this series became and how damn near every plot line was entangled with every other plot, I'm not sure there was ever a good place to end it short of "Never start watching in the first place".
Mythbusters: Whenever the build team left (end of season 11, I think?), because their departure seemed to suck all the joy from the show.
Sleepy Hollow: Season 2, epsiode 11, "Akeda", aka the midseason finale. It wraps up the entire Moloch storyline and neatly avoids all the Katrina crap.
The Walking Dead: When the the survivors reach the Alexandria Safe Zone (s5 e11). The gates open, Rick hears the sounds of children's laughter, and he just relaxes. It's reasonable to assume that everyone will be safe and we completely avoid all the stupid emotional manipulation and killing characters for shock value (other than Tyreese, whose senseless death -- and I will fight you on this -- is where the writing began to go downhill, with characters killed off purely for shock value).
Warehouse 13: Certainly no later than s5e1, which wraps up the previous season's cliffhanger without delving into the ridiculous "Myka and Pete are suddenly in love, just to make the shippers happy) and quite possibly sooner.
Series I Haven't Watched, But Have Been Told Went On Too Long
These suggestions aren't from me.
24: Season 1.
Gargoyles: Season 3.
Millennium: The second season ended very apocalyptically. It should have ended with "Did the world end or not?"
Prison Break: The end of season 2.
Sons of Anarchy: Season 3. They should have dumped the ridiculous Oirish side-quest and moved the major plot points from seasons 4-7 (which we all saw coming about three episodes into the show) up instead.
Supernatural: Season 5. They stopped Lucifer and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Heroic self-sacrifice. Natural conclusion. Cut the scene of Sam watching Dean and you have a wonderful 5 season arc.
First of all, I actually enjoy CBS' Supergirl TV series.
Sure, the plots are lame (I'm not sure if they're more lame than the Flash and Arrow plots on CW, or if they only seem that way because Supergirl has a bigger budget on a bigger network) -- I mean, they took Alan Moore's amazing Black Mercy story and turned what should have been a 'Wow!' episode into 'Meh, was alright I guess' -- but I like it because the actors are convincing and overall the mood of the series is bright and cheerful and not the "oh god everything sucks i shall cut myself while listening to Nine Inch Nails" thing we have going on in the other two shows.
In other words, it's fun and it's cheerful even if it's a bit campy, and Melissa Benoist is very easy on my eyes.
But oh god, the writing. It baffles me how a series can have such good characterization and dialog between characters, but suck so badly at everything else. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about.
Monday's episode, "Manhunter", dealt with how J'onn J'onzz became Hank Henshaw. And during a few flashbacks, we found out the following:
Henshaw calls the alien he is tracking through the South American jungle "the Manhunter" and "the Martian". Okay, how does he know this? It's not like J'onn was a prisoner on Fort Rozz...
Later, he says "This alien is over 300 years old!" Again, how does he know this?
He also says something like "Superman says this Martian is one of the most powerful beings on the planet!"
I... I just...
Okay, let me break this down.
If Superman says J'onn is powerful, it's likely because they had an encounter. Either they fought each other, and they fought alongside each other.
If Henshaw knows J'onn is Martian it has to be because J'onn told Superman he's Martian. It's not like Krypton had diplomatic relations with Mars (because if so I'm pretty sure Kara would have heard about them during her education on Krypton).
From what we know of J'onn, it's really doubtful that he'd tell a total stranger that he's a Martian. So it's likely that Superman gained his trust or respect.
So of course it makes total sense for a government agency to track down someone that Superman respects instead of other threats.
But let's assume that Henshaw is a total xenophobe nutcase (BTW, I don't buy that he's dead -- I totally expect him to come back as either a certain cyborg or something else) and thinks "I hate aliens, and Superman is an alien, so if he likes another alien I'm gonna kill him."
He still calls J'onn "the Manhunter".
Meaning that, logically, J'onn must have been hunting someone when Superman encountered him. This is probably how they met, fought, gained respect, etc.
So if J'onn is hunting men (bad guys, we assume), then he isn't keeping a very low profile, is he? And didn't he want to keep a low profile to blend in and not let White Martians find him and etc?
Furthermore, if he's hunting men, why is he hiding in a South American jungle?
I mean, you'd think that a shapeshifter who wanted to stay hidden could hide pretty damn easily in the Amazon. Of course, that would mean he's not out hunting men. And if he IS out hunting men, then why is he hiding in the Amazon?
None of this makes sense, because it's terrible exposition. The writers wanted us to know that J'onn J'onzz is from Mars -- but we already knew this when he told Kara several episodes ago. The writers wanted us to know that J'onn is Kryptonian-level powerful -- but we already knew this from how he took down Supergirl when she was under the effects of red kryptonite that made her evil. And the writers wanted us to know that J'onn is a manhunter -- but we already knew this because that's precisely what he does for the DEO in his guise as Hank Henshaw.
In other words, they really wanted us to know stuff we already knew. Except for the 300 years old part; that doesn't make any sense at all, unless you go comic book fan deep paranoid on it (see below).
Now there are ways around this, of course. The easiest way is to simply say that the flashback was from J'onn's perspective and not what actually happened. He could have been lying about what was said, or otherwise be an unreliable narrator.
The more interesting way to resolve this conundrum is to address these seeming contradictions head-on -- why yes, Hank Henshaw DID know these things, and he IS a raging xenophobe, and this all makes perfect sense because he is actually the Eradicator. Of course, this doesn't address the second set of problems (manhunter, jungle, etc) but that could be handled with option 1, above, or just ignored altogether if the dramatic reveal is good enough.
The problem, though, is that I don't think either of these things are going to happen. I think everything's going to be as straightforward as it seems, because that's how Supergirl seems to roll.
Sigh. Ah well. At least we're getting that sweet crossover with Flash next week, right?
By the way, this has always been my favorite Supergirl costume. The belly tee makes her look young (because she is), the white shirt makes her visually distinct from her cousin instead of "Superman with boobs and a skirt), and it's similar to alternate-universe Power Girl that you get the symbolism but without the needless boob window.
I would love it if the TV show adopted this costume, but I'm so not holding my breath.
I realize it's poor form to complain about a show without suggesting how to fix it, and since I've been a very vocal critic about Legends of Tomorrow, I figure I ought to do that. In fact, I can fix not just the show, but most of the dumbness of the season, with just two little words.
No, not "The End" or "We're Sorry." I could tell you those words, but that would spoil the surprise. Let me show you instead.
1st Arc Episode: Solivore
The Waverider receives a distress call from the Vanishing Point that echoes across all of space and time. The Council of Time Masters is under attack! All past, current and future Time Masters are called to help, and if Rip Hunter shows up, all is forgiven.
Heartened by the prospects of a pardon, the Waverider returns to the Vanishing Point to help the other ships fight off some cosmic-level Big Bad -- I'm thinking something very impressive like a Sun Eater (yes, the thing that Ferro Lad died defeating in Legion of Super Heroes, and if you get that reference you've already twigged to where I'm going with this) -- and after a suitably dramatic battle where many timeships are damaged or destroyed, and all of the Legends use their powers to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Hunter is granted amnesty and the Waverider docks in order to make repairs, take on provisions, and get updates from HQ's computer on Vandal Savage's next location.
2nd Arc Episode: Para Bellum
This episode is a bit of a downtime, now-we-can-relax show, with the characters getting to engage in character development without an urgent plot bearing down on them: Ray and Kendra work out how they feel about each other, Snart and Rory come to terms (I will bet money that Snart didn't have the guts to kill him last episode -- he's just frozen), and Jax and Canary get up to... something, I dunno what. And Dr. Stein, being the nerd, decides that he'd be a fool if he didn't take advantage of what is basically The Library At The End Of The Universe and starts reading.
We also get an idea about how the Time Masters work by seeing them interact with the characters, especially Hunter -- who, by the way, is acting very worried. He believes that the Sun Eater wasn't just a random attack, that someone set it upon the Time Masters, and that they should be preparing for war. The Council doesn't really buy it, saying that his private war against Vandal Savage has made him paranoid, but his valiant deeds have earned him the right to address the council and make his point.
Meanwhile, Stein makes a troubling discovery: if both Hunter and his wife were Time Masters -- who know how history is supposed to shake out -- why did he send her to live in 2166? Didn't he foresee the rise of Vandal Savage? It seems like he deliberately put her in danger. Either that, or the rise of Savage took everyone, including the Council, unaware... but that would have to mean that Savage's rise to power was engineered by someone outside the time stream!
As he makes this discovery -- the shots of Stein's realization are intercut with Hunter making his "We must prepare for war" speech -- something does indeed attack the Vanishing Point, and the Council of Time Masters is hit HARD. The only one left alive in the Council Room is Rip Hunter... who, just as the episode ends, smiles knowingly... perhaps even wickedly.
3rd Arc Episode: Oubliette
The Vanishing Point is in ruins, and the Council of Time Masters is destroyed. There's lots of screaming and crying and bleeding and dying, and those few timeships which can leave are fleeing with the survivors.
Rip Hunter blames this on Vandal Savage -- although he is unable to explain how Savage did it -- and as the Vanishing Point crumbles around them, Hunter orders his crew and the few surviving Time Master rank & file to load up the Waverider with supplies and weapons, as he intends to bring the war to Savage.
Meanwhile, as Professor Stein makes his way back from the library, he discovers... Rip Hunter? Only this Hunter is disheveled and emaciated, like he's been in a dark hole for years. As it turns out, that explanation is correct: this new Rip explains that after the Time Council turned down his request to go after Savage, he was attacked and imprisoned in an oubliette at the Vanishing Point. But who would do such a thing, and why? And who is the Rip Hunter commanding the Waverider? Clearly there is an imposter here, but who?
A good chunk of the episode is survival-themed, as Hunter & co. try to repair the Waverider so it can leave the Vanishing Point, and Stein and Other Rip try to make their way back to the docks.
Finally, everyone meets back up in the last few minutes of the show just as the base begins to fall apart. There is a dramatic reveal -- "You!!" -- as Prison Rip meets Captain Hunter, and the rest of the crew goes "Wait, what??"
Prison Rip attacks Captain Hunter and damages his disguise (since this is science fiction, it's likely some form of hologram) to reveal another actor. In proper villain monologue fashion, this Fake Rip -- the Captain we've known since episode one -- indicates that he (or she, I'm not picky) surprised the Legends figured it out now, since they were obviously too dim to have noticed any of the other clues. He brags about how he manipulated them all into helping him engineer Vandal Savage's rise to power, and that he couldn't have done it without their help.
But now that the legwork has been done, and the Time Council has been destroyed (along with most of the time ships), he doesn't need them anymore. He thanks them for their service, and just before disappearing -- apparently he can travel in time without needing a ship -- he says that for their pains, he won't kill them. He'll just leave them trapped there, in time, forever.
Yes, the arc words are in fact "Time Trapper".
The Rest of the Season
The Real Rip Hunter and crew miraculously repair the Waverider using their special powers -- Heatwave welds stuff, Atom shrinks, and now would be a great time for Firestorm to learn he has transmutation powers -- get off the Vanishing Point, and have to figure out why the Time Trapper needed to engineer the rise of Vandal Savage.
They soon find that certain eras of history are blocked off by what is described as an "Iron Curtain of Time", which makes fighting the both Savage and the Trapper much harder.
I'm not really sure where the season ends, but the short version is that it's eventually discovered that the Time Trapper did all this because the actions of the Time Masters prevented his creation, and so he had to engineer the rise of Vandal Savage in order to safeguard his own creation. And that's why the death of Rip Hunter's wife and child was a surprise -- the year 2166 was SUPPOSED to be one of the safest in history, but due to the meddling of Time Trapper and the Legends, they're all actually responsible for genocide. Yay, darkness! CW loves dark edgy stuff, right?
Cue more cross-time vengeance and ass-kicking as things go really nuts -- dinosaurs in 1930s New York City! All of Congress replaced by cavemen! -- as the Legends try to clean up the timeline while still battling their foe the Time Trapper.
Bonus Fun
It's revealed that the Time Trapper is actually the child of one of Carter and Kendra Hall's incarnations. And given they've had LOTS of incarnations, and probably had lots of kids over those lifespans, that doesn't really narrow it down. But the fact that both their souls are "untethered in time" explains to some extent why the Time Trapper is immortal and has time powers, and makes it far harder to defeat him.
There: the series is much less dumb now. You'd watch this, wouldn't you?
I have largely moved away from commenting about popular culture or current events on this site because as time passes, such things become less relevant. Perhaps I am committing folly by assuming that things like my Traveller posts will stand the test of time, but let's be honest for a moment: once an election or a television season is over, no one really cares what was said about it, but my "I am the very model of a modern Marvel mastermind" filk is still funny years after it was topical.
But today I am going to break that rule -- I do it every so often -- and talk about something in pop culture that is driving me bugnuts crazy. Specifically, the CW's new show Legends of Tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but this show is terrible.
I want to like it, because I am a big fan of Arrow and Flash. I enjoyed Ray Palmer's "too smart for his own good" run on Arrow (even if The Atom is more Iron Man than Ant-Man), and I enjoyed seeing Professor Martin Stein be a mentor to Barry on Flash.
Sadly, none of that is present in this show. Instead, we get stupid plots that break the rules of time travel that were set up in Flash, and the leader of the group is a character we don't know and who has all the charisma of a bureaucrat. Arthur Darvill's Rip Hunter doesn't act like a leader -- he doesn't act very well at all, in fact -- and he's so overshadowed by the personalities who CAN act that you're left wondering "Why do these awesome people continue to listen to this jackass who has not only lied to them but also can't even grasp the basics of causality?"
Allow me to explain.
Rip Hunter wants to go back in time to stop Vandal Savage from conquering the world and killing his family. We're going to set aside the whole paradoxical argument of "You went back in time to stop something from happening, and so it didn't happen, and because it didn't happen you didn't go back in time to stop it, so it did happen, so you go back in time..." because 1) that way lies madness and 2) that doesn't make an entertaining show. So we have to assume that time travelers can fix things without erasing their reason for the fix. I'm fine with this, as it's the central conceit of the show and I know it going in, so I accept it as I watch it for the same reason I choose to accept "the dead animate to feast upon the living" so I can watch The Walking Dead. However, accepting this premise leads to some questions
Question #1: Why doesn't Rip go back in time to the day BEFORE Savage kills his family, pile them onto the Waverider, and take them to a safe place in history?
Question #2: Rip hesitates and doesn't kill Savage in ancient Egypt. Why not go back again and finish the job? Hell, why not go back MULTIPLE TIMES and have multiple Rips there to kill Savage?
The answer to both of these questions seems to be a variation on the observer effect: if a time traveller is there for an event, they cannot change it, because it is part of their personal timestream. In other words, Rip can't gang up on Savage because he didn't see multiple versions of himself there. He can't save his family because he's already seen them dead.
Problem #1: This directly contradicts how time travel works in the Flash, where Barry has not only changed events he is part of (Weather Wizard's tidal wave in season 1, and Vandal Savage going boom in season 2), but has actually met and interacted with himself (the fight with Zoom in the past). Since Flash came out before Legends, and because the entire season 1 metaplot was built around time travel, I consider its rules on how time travel works to have precedent unless there's a good explanation why things ought to be different. So far, there hasn't been one. Despite Rip Hunter talking a good game about how he's a Time Master and he knows how to make subtle alterations to the time stream so that the changes stick, there's been no explanation as to how he knows or what the rules for making proper changes are.
Problem #2: Again, according to Flash, when you alter the past to change the present, the past "fights back" and tries to reassert itself in the new causality. In other words, if you mess around with time travel, you pay for it, which makes good sense from a narrative standpoint because otherwise every villain can be beaten with "The Flash goes back in time 24 hours and defeats the villain." Now compare this with how it works in Legends, where the team screws up a 1970s arms deal and suddenly Central City of 2016 is in flames. So the past is easy to change, I guess? And it doesn't fight to reassert itself... except when it does, like when Leonard Snart tries to keep his father out of prison by stealing the emerald his father would get caught stealing, and instead his father is put in jail for fencing the stolen gem. There's no consistency here.
Problem #3: If the Observer Effect is how changes to the time stream work in Legends, then this is all a fool's errand, because Rip has already observed that Vandal Savage conquers the world 2166. Tough noogies, Rip, you can't change the future because you've just observed it. So either you don't know how altering the time stream works, or you're delusional with grief... or the writers obviously have no clue and they're making you look like an idiot.
Conclusion: There is literally NO POINT to this show. Either Rip Hunter wins, immediately, because he's a time traveller, or he's already lost and cannot change that because observing the events has fixed them in the time stream. Saying there's some kind of middle ground, especially without any kind of explanation as to how or why the rules are different, is just masturbation. And that's what this show is: character-based fanwanking. Which would be fine if the characters were handled intelligently and sympathetically... but they aren't.
Hey Arrow fans, you remember how smart and confident and competent Ray Palmer was? He was this awesome uber-geek who could leave Felicity Smoak in the dust, and he didn't have any of her crippling social anxieties. Really cool, right? Well, he isn't any of those things in this show. Instead, he's just a nerdy fanboy who gets handed the idiot ball so that smooth criminal Leonard Snart can show him up. Instead of being the smartest man in the room, he's been reduced to "shrinking guy."
Hey Flash fans, you remember how Professor Stein was wise and mature and a fatherly mentor figure? He talked about time travel and alternate realities and was generally warm and kind and filled the role of leader when Reverse-Flash abandoned his Wells disguise. Guess what? He isn't any of those things in this show, either! Instead he's an angry, controlling, almost bullying old man who will do or say anything to get his way, including roofie-ing and kidnapping Jax so that Old Man Stein can have his Big Egotistical Adventure.
The only bright spot in this dismal affair is the triple "bromance" that Canary has with Heatwave and Captain Cold. If the show was just those three travelling through time and getting into trouble, I would enjoy the hell out of it. Sadly, it isn't, and Wentworth Miller's schmoozy charisma and Caity Lotz's psycho intensity only highlight how much I don't care about Rip Hunter and Hawkgirl.
In other words, it's not just fanwankery, it's BAD fanwankery that doesn't deliver. I was SO excited for this show, because the premise was amazing -- "Your favorite side characters, in their own show!" -- and it's just terrible in execution.
However, because I feel bad for savaging Legends, I'm going to give Greg Berlanti (in the exceedingly slim chance that he reads this) an idea for his next show.
Put John Constantine and Zatanna in a series called The Books of Magic and have them fight magic-based villains. (Alternate titles: Trenchcoat Brigade; Shadowpact)
Set it in England (but film it in Vancouver, to have maximum crossover potential with Flash and Arrow).
Tim Hunter can be their teenage sidekick. This allows that funky quasi-family dynamic that CW loves, and also gives Constantine the chance to take the piss out of Harry Potter. Win-win!
At some point, add the Huntress to the team. She can be the third leg to the love triangle that I know you'll set up with John and Zats. (Feel free to rip off the Question/Huntressdynamic from Justice League Unlimited.)
Have over-arching metaplots linking to DC's cosmic entities: Lords of Order and Chaos; the Endless from Gaiman's Sandman series; and of course the Spectre. As the stories progress, the team can receive missions from the Phantom Stranger and/or Doctor Fate.
Etrigan the Demon can be the first season nemesis, but can redeem and eventually join the team as a good guy.
Also good adds or guest stars: Swamp Thing and Hawkgirl (who would be a MUCH better fit here than on Legends).
Yes, people will say it's a ripoff of Supernatural (and maybe it is), but it's a DC-themed ripoff. Think of the crossover potential between shows, and the rich mystical history of the DC universe. We have a natural show (Arrow) a science show (Flash), and an alien show (Supergirl); we need a magic show, and the character of John Constantine is popular (and the actor is available).
Boom, there's your new series. I give it to Greg Berlanti for free. Just add my name somewhere in the credits and we're good.
No really, there are spoilers here. Turn back if
you haven't finished the show.
And so, while men of Iron and Magic
Hammers fly in the urban canyons of NYC, we have a war brewing,
simmering on a smaller scale in the charmingly-named Hells Kitchen. A
place where the colours are washed out, and you wonder why anyone
bothers wearing a coat in this heat. A place where the shadows
themselves will sneak up and knife you in the ribs for your pocket
change, and the little old ladies that have lived there their whole
lives are harder men than the street toughs themselves.
Cough
Now that I've got that out of my
system. Daredevil, won't you? Netflix's first toe dipped into the
Marvel Cinematic Universe seems to be quite the success. If you
haven't seen it, please stop reading now. I mean it. I won't be held
responsible for butt-mad over Spoilers. Stop reading this, go watch
13 hours of Netflix, and come back. I'll wait.
In the meantime, how about that costume?! SPOILERS!!
Ok,
all caught up? Phwoar. Wasn't that a ride? When I said simmering and
boiling earlier, that wasn't just (corny) noir metaphor. What Netflix has
delivered us is essentially a 13-hour origin story movie, not just
for DD, but for Kingpin and the rest of the supporting cast. The
episodic format really allows Daredevil room to expand on the usual
flash and noise of the MCU films, drawing much more detail and nuance
out of the characters and the world they inhabit in a way that was
really only previously attempted with Winter Soldier, where they
started the film assuming you already knew Cap, Widow, and Fury. Most
origin stories give you maybe 20 minutes of build-up before we see
the hero in the suit, but by saving it until the very last episode it
has some real impact. We've really invested in Murdock by this point,
seen him built up and torn down, and almost can't help but cheer when
we finally see the suit.
There were a few, but very few, things
I didn't like. I don't like Foggy, at least not yet. He's grown a
little on me, but as I've heard it recently said something growing on
you means that you're noticing less the things you hate about it. I
didn't like Karen Page at first, either, but that may be less her
fault and more Frank Miller's (still can't stop thinking “Daredevil's
junkie ex-girlfriend” and worrying about her future, especially
given her mentioning moving onto something harder than alcohol). I
didn't like the surprise deaths of two of the supporting cast either,
as I was really fond of their characters, but then Hell's Kitchen is
dark and full of terrors. I should be used to this by now.
I
adore Vanessa. Especially her acceptance of Fisk and his reality. I
appreciate how this wasn't just Murdock's origin story, how it gave
so much time to Fisk as well, showing us his childhood, his
daily routine, how he fell apart after one of the aforementioned
deaths. Vincent D'Pnofrio deserves some kind of award for his
portrayal of Fisk, both for the physicality he brought to the role
(how much weight did he put on, anyway?) and the mental portrayal as
well. I see very clearly the childhood trauma, as well as a
possibility of Fisk residing somewhere on the autism spectrum from D'Onofrio's performance. I
dearly hope we see Madame Gao again, as well as seeing where her
“true home” is, it being much further away than
China she said mysteriously. I enjoy Rosario Dawson in just about everything she's done
(even Josie & The Pussycats), and didn't even peg her as Night
Nurse until I'd looked her up later. I hope she shows up again. Stick
is gloriously un-PC, perhaps the grouchiest old mentor that ever did
mentor.
I mentioned, in hyperbole, that
Daredevil has ruined Arrow for me. There is a little truth behind
that. Netflix is taking a really dirty, realistic approach to the
vigilante hero genre, one that is obviously far at odds with the
slick, clean presentation of a CW show. There's a layer of grime on
Daredevil that makes it so much more grounded, possibly the most
grounded of all the MCU offerings yet, and it shows in everything
from the establishing shots to the fight scenes. Shots of the streets
of Hells Kitchen are teeming with people. There's garbage stacked
against walls. Camera shots are much wider. Fight scenes have people
rocked with fatigue and are not the clean, graceful ballets shown in
Avengers or Agents of SHIELD. People get seriously hurt, and it wears
you out just watching Matt Murdock take a beating just to get back up
and take out a room full of thugs.
Ok, for real this time. How badass does he look.
Ending where we began, the
fact that this came out all 13 episodes at once on Netflix, and has
pretty much set the internet on fire, shows an interesting
development. This is a tight and focused story, and avoids having filler episodes or really even filler scenes, unlike other shows that have abbreviated runs. This is my first experience with the launch of an
internet-only show. I understand House of Cards and Orange is the New
Black have come before it, but the idea that a show can drop an
entire series at once and cause such an impact is fascinating, and
it's got me eagerly anticipating the next MCU show.
Now before I begin, let me make something clear: I'm not calling the writers of The Walking Dead racist. I'm NOT. They've killed young and old, black and white, male and female. It's just that I've noticed this pattern and I wonder if anyone else has, as well?
First there was Morgan Jones, in the very first episode ("Days Gone By"). He's a neat character who I wish we'd seen more of (and hopefully we will if he catches up with the group this season), but he stays behind when Rick goes to Atlanta. This gives us a Black Male Value of 1.
However, the BMV of the show doesn't change, because even though we've lost Morgan we meet T-Dogin the next episode ("Guts"). Sadly, T-Dog doesn't do a hell of a lot for his entire run and his character is never fully explored, despite being on the show for two seasons.
In the second episode of season 3 ("Sick"), our intrepid group of survivors goes to the Prison and finds several inmates inside. This is where we see the Law of Conservation of Black Men in action, as three of the characters (Andrew, Big Tiny, and Oscar) are black and, at this moment, any of them could join the group. But within that same episode, Big Tiny is killed and Andrew becomes a villain, fleeing from the group. This sets our BMV to 2.
The next time we see them ("Killer Within"), T-Dog is killed by walkers and Oscar takes his place within the group. The BMV is reset to 1, and the LCBM is observed to be constant.
In episode 8 ("Made to Suffer"), Oscar is killed when the group assaults Woodbury to rescue a captured Glenn and Maggie. Later that episode, we first meet Tyreese, but he is not accepted into the group due to Rick flipping out, and so Tyreese goes to Woodbury. The BMV stays at 1 for the duration of season 3.
By season 4 I'm already aware of the LCBM, so when we're introduced to Bob Stookey I'm convinced he's going to die horribly that episode ("30 Days Without An Accident"). I think perhaps the writers are aware of this as well, and so they spend a good chunk of the season messing with us, making us think Bob is going to die at any moment: trapped under a shelf of booze to be eaten by walkers, getting alcohol when he should be getting supplies, generally annoying the group, etc.
Miraculously, Bob survives the entire season, which means that the BMV has permanently been set to 2. I think this is mainly due to the fact that Bob and Sashamake an adorable couple, and this gives Tyreese a family he can look after... which means the stakes are upped as now even more heartache can be inflicted upon these people as the things they love are ripped away.
This brings us to season 5, and in the second episode ("Strangers") we are introduced to Father Gabriel Stokes, who is both a priest (Episcopalian) and a black man. Much like Bob, in his first few episodes we wonder how he's survived this long and when he's going to die... but there's always the possibility that he can pull a Bob and increment the Black Male Value by one. Does he?
Nope. Bob is captured in that same episode, and he's dead by the next. Both the BMV and LCBM remain constant.
In episode 4 ("Slabtown"), we are introduced to Noah. He's a bit of a statistical anomaly in that he isn't part of the group, but is rather a prisoner held by the same people who captured Beth. Later he escapes, and even later he meets up with Darryl and Carol. He doesn't join the group until episode 8 ("Coda"). BMV temporarily rises to three...
... and then, in episode 9 ("What Happened and What's Going On"), the LCBM reasserts itself and Tyreese dies in what is probably the best and most touching farewell episode ever given to a character.
Again, I'm not asserting racism. I am asserting either lazy writing or a deliberate attempt by the writers to screw with us.
Look, basically what I'm really saying is this:
The moment Morgan catches up with the rest of the group, someone's gonna die (right now it's even money between competent-yet-injured Noah and Father Gabriel the moveable feast)
If the survivors ever run into another Asian male, I'm going to be very, very frightened for Glenn's safety.
So, tonight the CW aired the pilot episode of The Flash, and it was pretty good. This ought to come as no surprise to anyone who watches Arrow, as they're cut from the same cloth (and have more or less the same executive producers). Marvel might rule the cinema, but DC owns television -- at least until ABC picks up that "Agent Carter" series I've been hearing about.
Also, I was really quite impressed with the nod to TV history by the casting of John Wesley Shipp -- the star of the 1990 version of The Flash -- as Barry Allen's father. I might have even let out a fangirl squeal at that.
Equally nifty were little visual references that might pay off (a broken animal cage with the word "Grodd" on a nameplate) and might not (testing at a Ferris Aircraft runway). Oh, and a throwaway bit at the very end about a future merger between Queen Industries and Wayne Technologies, which gladdens my heart because it's a reference, however oblique, to Batman existing in the CWiverse.
And then there's Barry's traumatic past, which likely ties in with a certain character we've already seen -- who fans will have recognized by name alone, and who casual fans probably won't have even noticed.
I also have a sneaking suspicion that the head of STAR Labs, Harrison Wells, has a middle name that starts with the letter "G"...
All in all, a good show: good acting, fun writing ("Lighting gave me abs?"), great special effects, and a more lighthearted feel than the (deliberately) gloomy Arrow.
But you know the real reason I'm writing about this? Because it's all about me. Me me me me me. Back in 2008, I wrote a post about the Flash that I felt didn't get the traction (hurr hurr) it deserved, and now I have an amazing opportunity to re-use it!
Some of you folks may have heard of Goldentusk, a YouTubie who writes lyrics to well known theme songs (Superman, Batman, and James Bond, to note a few). But I've noticed that, well, he missed one. Notably, a certain scarlet speedster who had his own short-lived series in 1990.
Naturally, I have corrected this glaring oversight. Do feel free to sing along! (PS: Wait until the 7 second mark.)
A flash of light -ning!
Is very fright -ning!
This is how I sing!
As I go fly -ing!
And hit my own logo... (ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow my ego)
Bolt from the blue
Now I see you
Justice is swift
D'you catch my drift?
Demon in red
Cannot be shed
I will pursue
You have no clue
I am the Flash, the monarch of motion
I'll knock you on your ass!
I am the Flash, the fastest man alive
And I run really fast!
This is my love interest
Tina McGee
She's replaced Iris
(Obviously)
Then there's this guy
What is his name?
He's Julio (was never canon)
I gotta go (get my run on)
Bust some heads!
And you'd!
Never!
Think that!
I am seeee-
cretly police scientist Barry Allen!
And just in case you didn't find that amusing, I leave you with this:
Hellblazer is a series that has always
been held dear to my heart. I've got the first 5 or 6 trade
collections of the comic, and a few later volumes. One day, I'll get
around to picking up all the collections, but it has been a rather
long-running series. It'll take a while. In the meantime, there's
been the occasional adaptation that's cropped up. There was a film
about a dark-haired and dark-coated American man named John
Constantine that had some rather good points to it (save the presence
of Shia LeBouf, whom I maintain there has not yet been built a bus
large enough to properly run over), but was certainly no Hellblazer
film. I even made a valiant effort to play through the terrible
licensed game that was made said film. Rumour has it Castiel from Supernatural was originally supposed to be John Constantine, but
licensing fell through, and we got Misha's charming rogue Angel
instead.
Now in the interests of plausible
deniability, I'd like to say that while I am aware of the
leaked pilot floating around the internet, I certainly haven't
seen it, as that would imply some less-than-legal and certainly
immoral ways and means, and I would nevereverever
partake in such activities. Just so we're clear. Officially, anything
I discuss here has been gleaned from various publicly available video
clips and discussions. Honest. If you get my drift.
Walked right off the pages, he has.
Let's get the giant demonic elephant in
the room out of the way. Unlike Keanu, Matt Ryan nails the character
of John Constantine. The new John is an asshole. He's selfish, lazy,
reluctant to get involved, dripping with gallows humor, and prone to
answering questions with truths so audaciously unlikely that people
assume he's lying. But he's charming, charismatic, trouble that you
just can't say no to, and knows that he's probably the only person
equipped to deal with the things that he sees. It's a perfect reflection
of the way John's been written in the books for decades now. One of
the most important details is covered in the very beginning of the
pilot episode, that being Newcastle. Years and years ago, John and
some of his more irresponsible and experimental occultist friends
accidentally damned a young girl's soul to hell, and he's dealt with
crippling guilt since. Everything he's done since Newcastle has been motivated
by a conflict between his instinct to avoid responsibility and his
desire to redeem himself.
The other characters are a mixed bag.
Chas returns, Constantines hapless but faithful friend. He's American
now, like he was in the film, but is portrayed by a gruff, bearded
Charles Halford instead of the aforementioned (and afore-cursed)
Shia. Visually and performance-wise, he hits the mark so well you
don't even miss the original nationality. His omnipresent taxi cab is
back, but this time it's a classic 50s Chevy instead of the London
Black. Again, much more suitable than a 90s Caprice. The cast is
rounded out by the angel Manny, played with a menacing charm by
Harold Perrineau, and Lucy Griffiths as Liv. Manny's
a fantastic character, but I was sadly disappointed by Liv. I have
fond memories of Lucy Griffiths in the BBC's cheesy Robin Hood
series, but she just falls flat here. Fortunately, I hear there's
recasting afoot, and someone will be taking her place, but playing
existing character Zed instead, opening up the possibility of an
adaptation of the Damnation Army arc from the books.
The show has a very interesting feel, a
mix between more modern exorcism/possession films and higher-quality
horror/adventure shows. The special effects are low-key but
believable, with what appear to be a lot of practical effects. Lots
of shouting in cod-Latin, as you'd expect from pulp horror. The
setting was in interesting choice, being not New York or Los
Angeles as you'd expect, but Atlanta of all places. Always knew there
was something weird about Atlanta. Due to this (and I mean this in
nicest possible way) I half expected to see a Winchester brother
wander past in the background. The pacing was a bit odd, and the
story didn't flow terribly well, but that's something you'd expect
from a pilot episode, and doesn't worry me. Sherlock, for example,
has a frankly amateurish pilot episode compared to its premiere.
Overall, I have high hopes for this adaptation, based on the
very limited materials I've seen of it so far, having totally
not seen the actual leaked pilot episode. It's certainly
better than previous adaptations of Hellblazer that I've seen, and
I'm encouraged that Matt Ryan really feels like he understands the
character. I honestly thing even my pick, Marc Warren, wouldn't have
been better for the role. I've got a feeling this could, if properly
handled, be at least as good as DC's other successful television
property, Arrow.
And yes, that was Dr Fate's helmet. I have
to go squee now.
To paraphrase Monty Python's Australian Wines sketch, "This is not a show for watching. This is a show for turning off and avoiding."
I'm not going to do a long analysis of what's wrong with the show. I'll just hit the high points of what pisses me off:
The first episode starts in the modern times when a Plot Device happens to turn off all forms of electricity everywhere. Categorically NOT an electromagnetic pulse, apparently it is capable of affecting the entire world, and prevents things like batteries from working. At least they acknowledge within the show that this is bullshit and, according to physics, shouldn't happen.
Of course, according to Hollywood logic, losing power causes transformers to explode; airplanes to go into flat spins and crash; and turn off cars in a dramatic down-the-line fashion.
Then the series skips ahead to fifteen years later, thereby bypassing all of the interesting post-apocalyptic bits about survival and rebuilding. (A viewing of the second episode shows that we may get bits and pieces of this parceled out in flashbacks. Still, that's 10 minutes of flashback to 40 minutes of show.)
15 years later, and all the kids have remarkably perfect teeth. Their hair is washed, their faces are clean. They have clothes which look BRAND NEW and have undamaged, top of the line, compound crossbows. Apparently entropy only happens to the sets and not the props.
Speaking of which, I've watched "Life After People," and these places do not look like they've been abandoned for 15 years. Five, maybe. It's amazing how good Chicago looks.
Oh yeah, the St. Louis Arch is missing a chunk at about the 2:00 position, but it's still standing. I'm not an engineer but I'm pretty sure this is impossible.
Given all the guns in America, we are supposed to believe that they've either gone missing or have been confiscated by the Militia? But yet these same militia troops are using Civil War-era flintlocks?
But the named bad guy has a modern semi-auto pistol. Well that's movie logic again: why would you want to arm your front-line troops with good weapons when you can give them crap and only arm the officers with modern equipment? I swear, it's like this Monroe guy is reading from the big list of villain cliches.
Oh, okay, so the key-fob thing is another piece of Plot Deviceium that somehow turns the power back on... and also apparently rebuilds crumbling infrastructure such as telephone lines, because there is a computer that is communicating long-distance with another. If it's cellular, replace phone lines with cell towers. About the only way this might make sense would be if they were connecting over satphones, in which case I have to ask how the hell they restored power to the satellites in orbit (assuming their orbits hadn't degraded to the point of uselessness or re-entry).
Was anyone at all surprised that the big bad guy was the other man in Uncle Badass' car? I mean, they all but telegraphed it.
Speaking of Uncle, he's one of only two characters who seems halfway competent (the other being Deagle Dude). Two episodes in, and I already want to punch the others in the face. How did any of them manage to survive this long?
Flexible morality: It's immoral to kill someone who was trying to kill you, and who will cause you future grief if you let him go, but it's perfectly okay to kill slavers as long as you act angtsy about it later. Sure, that makes sense.
The female teenage lead is basically Katniss. Her love interest is basically Jacob from Twilight, minus the lycanthropy. And so far, the entire series seems to be written at about the intellectual level of a young adult novel.
I could go on, but you get the point. For all that Cormac McCarthy's The Road was too bleak to be believable, this series isn't bleak enough. I could understand that if this was an 8 pm show, but it's on at post-watershed 10 pm instead.
My initial prediction was "One-season wonder" but NBC is trumpeting how it's a "hit new series" so it might stick around for a while, increasing in suck. I'm torn between giving up on this show entirely, and watching it like a trainwreck where I can skewer it on a weekly basis. If you haven't started watching it, then please, take my advice and stay away.
It's not me, it's you. You just aren't the same show any more.
From the moment I caught your first episode on a SPIKE TV marathon and I was instantly hooked. I would race home from work and watch 2-3 hours of you while I ate dinner and decompressed. I got caught up with 4 seasons of your show in a period of a few months, and then I watched your new episodes every Thursday.
But you changed. My first indication that you were moving on should have been when you took Greg out of the lab and put him in the field, but I liked the tow-headed little rascal and wanted to see him do well. I started to look askance at our relationship when George Eads was almost kicked out due to contract negotiations, because Nick Stokes is my boy, yo. And that's when things got abusive.
You put Catherine through such an emotional wringer that I almost wanted her to leave because every episode that focused on her was angst-ridden. You killed Warrick, who I admit was never my favorite character, but I liked the way he interacted with Nick and Grissom. You got rid of Sara -- a move of which I approved, thank you very much -- but then, in defiance of all logic and continuity, you brought her back. Meanwhile, you allowed Grissom to leave. I understand that the actor wanted out and you didn't have much control over that, but Grissom was very much the soul of the show and when he went, the show stopped being an ensemble techno-mystery and became...
Well, it became lame, if not flat-out awful. I mean, just look at the vast majority of last season's episodes and you'll see what I mean. A shark, in a pool, in Vegas? Oh, a pool shark, how droll.
But I digress. I liked Gil's replacement, Ray Langston, quite a bit. Laurence Fishburne is an excellent actor, and he's married to Gina Torres, so that makes him a Browncoat as far as I'm concerned. I even enjoyed the arc with his nemesis, Nate Haskell. It's just that, well, sometime in the past few seasons the show stopped being about an ensemble and focused on Langston. I realize he is a big name actor, and you wanted to get the most out of what is probably an enormous salary, but he became the star of the show. Look, there is a reason I don't watch CSI: Miami or CSI: New York, and that reason is A) I don't want to watch a star vehicle (even though I have much love and respect for Gary Sinise as a person and as an actor), and B) I cannot stand David Caruso and I wish he'd die of cancer of the aids of the leukemia of the eye.
But you know what the final nail in the coffin of our relationship was? It was when you made that execrable David Hodges into a full cast member. I cannot explain how much I hate that smarmy little toad of a man.
Still, I couldn't quite break away. There were characters I still cared about, and plotlines I wanted to follow. But at the end of last season, you gave me a perfect exit point when you wrapped up the Haskell/Langston arc while, at the same time, not ending on a cliffhanger. Add to that the fact that Fishburne wanted to leave the show, and that you were going to replace him with Ted Danson -- TED DANSON, for crissakes -- and my breakup with you could not be more perfect than if I had received an engraved invitation cordially inviting me to tell you to shove it.
I should have left long ago, when William Peterson left. I see that now. The weakness was mine. But I'm stronger now, and I need to end this. So, come next fall, I will no longer be watching you, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, on Thursday nights. I do sincerely wish you continued luck and happiness as we go our separate ways.
Although, if I may: get rid of that damned Sara Sidle. That little weasel-mouth smirk of hers disgusts me about as much as Hodges' ass-kissing.
Dollhouse premieres tonight, but I won't be watching it.
Not because I don't like the premise, because I do. I like Joss Whedon, too, even though he does terrible, horrible things to beloved characters. And Eliza Dushku always brings the sexay to anything she's in.
No, I refuse to watch this show because it's on FOX. You may recall them as the network that seems committed to smothering new shows before they develop:
(Now I'm not claiming that all of these series were good; in fact, I didn't even see some of them. The point remains, however, that FOX has a track recording for developing geek-friendly shows and then canning them before they've found their legs.)
So in light of this, I will not watch Dollhouse, and will not until the following occurs:
It runs for a full season.
Its first season is released on DVD.
It is renewed for a second full season.
You're free to tell me I'm being an ass about this, but I'm tired of having my heart broken. It's not like I'm a Nielsen Femily member or something, so the success of the show is entirely independent of whether or not I watch it. I knew Drive would be cancelled, and it was; I think this one will be, too, even though I hope it won't.
Tho those folks who are brave enough to watch it: Enjoy. I mean it; there is no sarcasm. But I know that I cannot enjoy it, because in the back of my head there will be a little voice that says "If you like this show, then FOX will cancel it."
I'd like to conclude this post with a message to Joss Whedon.
Dear Joss,
After Firefly was cancelled, you once swore that you would never, ever, work for FOX again, and yet here you are.
Yes, I know that they have given you a contract for multiple episodes. I seem to recall they did the same thing for Firefly.
So while I sincerely wish you and your show well, IF Dollhouse is cancelled, don't have the gall to be surprised.
... because we have conversations like this every 10 minutes:
Mom: Where was Claire last episode? Palette: Claire wasn't in last episode. Mom: Yes she was, we saw her shooting Peter. Palette: That was future Claire. Present Claire wasn't present. Mom: I get so confused.
Please keep in mind that Mom saw last week's episode at lunch today.
Another fun snippet:
(Having just seen Daphne speaking to Linderman)
Palette: Aha! She's seeing someone else's power! Mom: What? Palette: (sighing, pausing TV) Look there. First she was talking to him, and now in the wide shot with the bystanders, you can't see him. Mom: Okay.... Palette: That means she's seeing Linderman in her head. Which means Nathan isn't crazy, and that someone is using their power to project Linderman images and manipulate people. Mom: But I can see Linderman. Palette: (facepalm)
I swear, I spend a quarter to half an episode explaining the plot to my family. Does this happen to anyone else?
Erin Palette is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
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