300: Beautiful Obscenity

300
117 minutes
Starring: Dhalsim, that guy who played Faramir,
and no one else whose name you'd recognize

Beautiful obscenity. No, really.

This is not something you want your parents to watch, unless they're extremely liberal. This movie has gore, graphic dismemberment, bare breasts, sex, rape, and LOTS of good ol' "a shitload of people die" scenes.

It is also one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen.

Some people are calling it "The Matrix with spears." This does a huge disservice to 300. A more apt comparison would be "combat ballet". If you've ever wondered if a man could be decapitated with grace and artistry, look no further.

This movie does not take pains to be historically accurate. It is a movie about a comic book written by Frank Miller, and that means ninjas. Yes, there are spartan vs ninja scenes, kiddies. I know it sounds silly, but somehow, it worked for me.

My one complaint? Awesome as their abs were (and my god... if that wasn't CGI, I pity the actors who underwent that training), I kept thinking "Where are your breastplates?" But then something awesome happened and I didn't care.

My score: 5 out of 5 hoplites.