Quick! Engage Sims Protocol One!*
Ah yes. That should do nicely. And now for a suitably Kirby-esque benediction:
Chris Sims, the Count of Chin-Checks! Will he survive the ticking timebomb of face-fracturing calendric chaos known only as.....
... HIS TWENTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY???
Find out, dear readers, in: "The Quarter-Century Suckerpunch!"
*A cute goth girl kicking people in the head.