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Friday, December 14, 2007

Executive Summary Movie Reviews

Blargh.

I've been meaning to do these reviews since last weekend, but... well, middles of the month are hard for me. I'm tired all the time, cranky, frequently depressed... sucks all around.

But I owe you guys a blog entry. Therefore, you get my patented Executive Summaries for two movies. Yarr, here there be spoilers and suchlike.

The Mist: A tersely-plotted story of survival horror which ends with a gigantic "Fuck you!" to both the main character and the entire audience. If you are depressive, do not see this movie. The ending acted as a trigger for me. I didn't want to drive home feeling like shit, so I went into another theater and saw...

The Golden Compass: I wanted to like this movie, but it is pure marzipan: all surface and no substance. It's exceptionally pretty, and the fight scenes are excellent, but not even the presence of Sam Elliott as a balloonist cowboy and Sir Ian McKellen as a talking, armor-clad polar bear can save this movie. It's not bad; it's just "meh". It's also obvious that the book it was based upon was gutted by Hollywood to make it more accessible to the general public.

Executive Summary: Don't bother seeing either of these.

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