"It's a big circle. There are a lot of circles in the world. Things join up in the back in a bizarre way. Madness and genius, extreme right wing and extreme left wing politics, and fashion. [makes a circle with his hand] Over here on this side of the circle you've got looking like a dickhead. On the other part [going around the circle] you've got kind of average looking, and then cool... Cool, hip and groovy... Looking like a dickhead. The cutting edge of cool, hip and groovy is right at looking like a dickhead. But the looking like a dickhead people don't realize they're right next to cool, hip and groovy. It's very hard to back into cool, hip and groovy. I personally cruise that back corner..."
(From his Definite Article album)
With that in mind, I give you Sarah Brightman & Hot Gossip singing
I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper.
Make no mistake about it: this is awful. So awful, in fact, that it somehow manages the impossible and backs into being cool, hip, and groovy again. It's still awful, of course, but at the same time it manages to be hilarious and awesome. I believe the proper term for this is "campy".
I refuse to apologize for my love of this video, because it has:
- Bare-chested men tossing glitter;
- Women doing the "Egyptian";
- Both genders doing the "Robot" (badly);
- A fully-clothed woman doing the shimmy on a half-naked man with no reaction from him whatsoever;
- Clumsy attempts at suggested lesbianism;
- Spastic dancing which isn't quite disco and isn't quite tap, and for all the world looks like an epileptic seizure;
- A cast full of bored-looking people when the song is about sex in space;
- Reasonably realistic pilot chatter when the rest of the lyrics are utter twaddle;
- Sarah Brightman in perhaps her worst role ever, complete with "sexy" hair pulling, extreme close-ups, and bendy-ness;
- Those things they carry during their robotic parade. Are they small barbells? Are they maracas? Are they microphones? Or are they in fact space-age dildoes?
This is everything that was great about 1978, in 4 minutes 17 seconds.
Now I have a hankering to run a science fiction RPG (like Traveller) using all this wonderfully crazy stuff. Silver lamé bodysuits for everyone!