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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

WNW: 5 Reasons It Sucks Being a Joss Whedon Fan

It should be noted that while I am generally a fan of everything Whedon has made, I'm perfectly capable of admitting that not everything he writes is gold.

In fact, sometimes *cough AlienResurrection cough*, it is shit.

Therefore, because it's been over a year since I made rabid Whedon fans shit themselves in anger, I am pleased to present:

5 Reasons It Sucks Being a Joss Whedon Fan

#5. He Will Slaughter Everything That Makes You Happy Inside

Firefly fans loved Wash. Who didn't love Wash? Joss rammed a tree trunk through his chest for no reason. Penny from Dr. Horrible might be the most innocent, sweet natured girl Whedon's ever written. She ends Dr. Horrible bleeding out with a chunk of shrapnel stuck in her body, Normandy Beach style. Why? There is only one real lesson in Whedonland, and it's that loving cool people is dangerous because someone's probably gonna shove a flaming rock into their skull.

In fact, this is the only way Whedon characters achieve growth. It's a recognized cliche amongst his fanbase: If someone makes you happy when you see them onscreen, grab your balls, because he's going to lacerate them heavily. Sometimes I don't mind a good nut-stabbing. I like The Wire, I like Battlestar Galactica. But sometimes I just wanna sit back and watch Doogie Howser sing songs about horsies into his webcam. It's at those times that I'd rather Joss Whedon not pop up like the "Toasty!" guy from Mortal Kombat and pulp my yambag with senseless death.

The other 4 reasons can be found here.

If you're offended by this, you are cordially invited to post toxic, hate-filled rants in the comments section below. Just know that your burning hatred will keep me warm as I giggle myself to sleep tonight.


  1. Whatever. People rip the shit out of Dollhouse all the time. And they love ripping on Dushku for reasons I can't even begin to fathom.

    Christ, just go back and watch some old school Buffy. The acting wasn't much better. Which isn't to say the acting was bad, either. It's just that between Firefly and Dr. Horrible, his fan base has gotten completely spoiled.

    Not everyone is Nathan Fillion, for christ sake. And the Dollhouse storyline is good. Or, at least, I'm enjoying it. So fuck it all, I'm going to sit here and soak in the Whedony goodness while it lasts. Because I give it another season tops. The rest of you losers can go back to watching Heroes and crying yourself to sleep.

  2. Um, Zif?

    You're not the kind of fan being insulted here. The fact that you wrote the second paragraph pretty much proves that.

    Still, you've got me pegged about Heroes. It's been various shades of crap since season 2, and yet I can't stop watching it...

  3. It's like a trainwreck PalPal. You want to look away, but for some reason you can't.

  4. But not as awesome as Dr.Horrible!

  5. :-p I'm just angry that Dollhouse always gets such lousy reviews.

    It's not amazing, but it's better than 90% of current network TV.


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