MLP D&D: Pinkie Pie

One does not choose Pinkie Pie as a friend. Pinkie Pie chooses YOU.

Name: Pinkie Pie
Race: Earth pony*
Alignment: Chaotic Shiny
Class: Bard

How does one adequately describe an incarnation of chaos?

The first time we see her, she gasps and runs away after meeting Twilight Sparkle. The second time we see her, she's thrown a surprise party for same. The third time... she mouths off to Nightmare Moon and gets away with it. And then later, she banishes fear with... a song?

She isn't just a bard, she's the most chaotically chaotic bard ever. While all of the ponies are cartoonish to one degree or another, Pinkie Pie is the only one who seems to understand that she IS a cartoon, and therefore can utilize cartoon logics and physics to bend space, warp time, and defy gravity. Is she altering reality with her madness? Or is she just so genre-savvy that she understands the most efficient way to do things?

THIS...  IS...  CAKETOWN!

Her personality is best described as "disgustingly perky" and yet she is surprisingly likable. She seems to know everyone in town and is friends with them all. She can talk to anyone about anything (whether the conversation makes sense or not is another matter entirely), has a surprising breadth of (bardic) knowledge, and is either immune to fear or too dim to realize when she's being threatened.

At one point, she tries to reason with a dragon by dressing up to make it laugh.

Didn't Daffy Duck wear something similar?

Pinkie Pie is practically the lost Looney Toon. She can walk on air like Wile E. Coyote, bounces and stalks like Pepe le Pew, and always has a smartass comment like Bugs Bunny. Plus, she can sing and dance like no one's business.




To summarize:

• Charisma is her core stat.
• Wisdom (common sense) is her dump stat. 
• Weirdly good at finding stuff out.
• Sings, dances, and plays tons of instruments. 
• Embodies chaos. 
• Can banish fear and inspire competence:

Key "Pinkie Pie is a Bard" episodes:

• Banishes fear in The Mare in the Moon
• Does all sorts of bardic things in Dragonshy
• Save Ponyville (solo!) with the power of polka in Swarm of the Century
• Breaks the 4th wall multiple times in Feeling Pinkie Keen
• Tries to stop a war with a song and dance routine in Over a Barrel

*Ponies which are neither Unicorns nor Pegasi are called Earth ponies. Don't ask me why.

MLP D&D: Twilight Sparkle

Name: Twilight Sparkle
Race: Unicorn pony 
Alignment: Lawful Studious
Class: Wizard

Twilight Sparkle couldn't be any more of a wizard if you painted the word "wizard" on her in primary colors.

She is the first pony we meet in Friendship is Magic, and at that moment she's studying a book of either prophecy or forgotten lore. She then races back to her home, which is part library, part laboratory, and part observatory, and enlists Spike, her pet baby dragon, to help her confirm a prediction that the Mare in the Moon is the dreaded Nightmare Moon. Let me repeat that: she has a dragon assistant.

My little grimoire, my little grimoire...

Twilight Sparkle is incredibly book-smart and organized to the point of obsession, but has such poor social skills that her mentor -- who also happens to be Princess Celestia, ruler of all Equestria and essentially Goddess of the Sun -- has to outright order her to make some friends. (This is essentially her first quest. We've all seen versions of the "straighten up and fly right" plot, most recently in Thor, but this is the first time I've ever seen a quest to "Loosen the heck up and get a life.")

Due to her superb organizational skills and unmatched intellect, she is not only the brains of the group but also its natural leader due to her ability to match problems to ponies with the proper skills for overcoming them. And while other unicorn ponies have some mild magical abilities relating to their raison d'être  (see: cutie marks) as well as weak telekinesis, Twilight Sparkle's magical ability is for, well, magic. She uses her horn the way Harry Potter uses his wand.





Oh yes, did I mention she frequently wields incredible arcane power?




To summarize:

• Intelligence is her core stat.
• Charisma is her dump stat.
• She has tons of knowledge skills.
• She has a baby dragon who serves as her improved familiar.
• And she totally rocks the wizard look.

Shown: robe. Not shown: wizard hat. I blame Trixie for making them unfashionable.

Key "Twilight Sparkle is a wizard" episodes:

• Assembles the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon in The Mare in the Moon
• Tranquilizes an Ursa Minor in Boast Busters
• Leads her PC to fight a dragon in Dragonshy
• Fights a hydra -- solo! -- and defeats it with strategy in Feeling Pinkie Keen
• Casts spells that enable non-flying ponies to visit Cloudsdale in Sonic Rainboom
• Has her magical origin in Cutie Mark Chronicles

This isn't canon, but it should be. Kick her flank, Twilight!

Tomorrow: is Wednesday, and that means Wacky!

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic vis-a-vis traditional D&D

Yes, it's time for my blog to once again delve into the murky waters of gonzoid analytic comparisons between two things that have more depth than is frequently realized, or as Chris Hogan put it, "Erin does pop culture camp." In this special week-long series, I shall explain, in great detail, how the six core characters of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic comprise a functional Dungeons & Dragons adventuring party.

Look, would you all just stop screaming? I realize that most of my readership is male, and therefore cannot bear to be exposed to any entertainment that is expressly for girls lest it cause your testicles to shrivel and fall off, but trust me on this one. Has Auntie Palette ever steered you wrong?

Well, okay, other than that time with the Hot Gossip video?

Bah, you're all Philistines. Anyway, just give me 90 seconds of your time and watch this clip before you click away and I promise you that all of your concerns about MLP:FiM will evaporate faster than snow during winter wrap-up:



Did that remind you of anything? A classic cartoon, perhaps? If any of you said "Chuck Jones," "an episode of Looney Toons," or "Pepe le Pew," then give yourselves a gold star.This is a good cartoon, a fun and funny cartoon, and just because it's aimed at young girls doesn't mean it can't be appreciated and enjoyed by adults of all genders.

Now that's out of the way, I can proceed to my main thesis, which is: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is about a Dungeons & Dragons adventuring group.

No, really. And do stop shrieking like that, it's unbecoming.

Consider this: A young wizard discovers an ancient prophecy which states that, within two days, the deposed Goddess of the Moon -- who has been imprisoned for a thousand years due to a failed coup against her older sister, the Goddess of the Sun -- will escape her imprisonment, vanquish her sister, and cover the lands in everlasting night! 

This young wizard tries to tell everyone of the impending apocalypse, but being a young student, is ignored and instead given menial tasks to perform. Lo and behold, the prophecy does come to pass, and the student knows that the only way to defeat the Moon Goddess and reinstate the rule of the benevolent Sun Goddess is to find and utilize an ancient artifact. To that end, she recruits a diverse group of individuals with conflicting personalities but complementary skills. They must embark upon an arduous overland quest to the ruined keep of the Sisters, where it is believed that the artifact still resides. Along the way they are imperiled by terrain, the elements, monsters, and temptation.

After much travail, the group finally arrives at its destination, and before the young wizard can assemble the artifact, the evil Moon Goddess appears! In a last-ditch effort, the wizard discovers the proper activation sequence for the artifact, vanquishes the evil Moon Goddess, and restores the Sun Goddess to her rightful place in the sky.

Perhaps it's not great literature, but this plot would be right at home in any fantasy setting. Monsters, artifacts, ruined castles, apocalyptic deicide -- these are all quite epic and heroic, not to mention staples of many D&D campaigns. And a group of individuals who sometimes squabble but all have unique talents? That's pretty much the definition of a group of Player Characters of diverse classes and alignments.

And guess what? I just told you the plot of the two-part series opener of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. 





I therefore declare this Pony Week, and will devote a blog post to each of the "mane" characters in MLP:FiM -- Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash -- and how each of them perfectly embody a character class in D&D/Pathfinder and, together, form a perfect adventuring party.

Now you may commence screaming.

Apologies & housekeeping

I sincerely apologize for not being present for all of last week (though I must note some degree of irritation over the fact that, given the subject of previous posts, no one thought to check on me to see if I was all right or if I had been burnt to a crisp by wildfires) but due to the vicissitudes of weather -- both the wildfires churning out smoke and the lightning storms which are causing them -- I have been subject to crippling headaches. And not simple "My head hurts, I cannot brain" headaches, but far worse "Oh god what did I do to deserve this agony, I'm going to go lie down in a dark room with a cool compress over my head and try to lapse into unconsciousness" headaches.

Yesterday was the worst by far, as I woke up with (never a good start to the day) a pain that felt like a molten icepick was stabbing into my optic nerve and it lasted for, I kid you not, over twenty-four hours.  The only times I have hurt worse than this involved either physical injury or passage of kidney stones.

At any rate, I can hear the thunder rumbling outside again, so I will try to get this post finished before the onset of more pain. I'd like to begin a new series of blog posts this week but that will depend entirely upon how well I can concentrate.

Regarding the change in font size: Out of 28 participants, only 4 of you said you didn't like the new, improved legibility, with everyone else weighing in at positive to neutral, and zero votes for "I still can't read it." So the change in font & size will stay.

Regarding Disqus: Okay, I get that some of you don't like it. However, when asked, only one person expressed a seething hatred for it, and four respondents (20%) said they'd comment more if I ditched it. Compare and contrast that to the 55% who either liked it or had no problem with it, and the other 20% who said they didn't leave comments so it doesn't matter either way for them, and we have a clear winner.

Besides, I like the functionality Disqus gives me. I can reply directly to comments; I can edit my comments in case I make grammatical errors; and participants are notified via email when someone replies to their comments. This is a big deal for me, folks. I might have dropped it if there was overwhelming support for getting rid of Disqus, but there wasn't, so it's staying around. Also, it's ridiculously easy to sign up for a profile so that you can comment, so that really shouldn't stop anyone (I'm looking specifically at you, Barking Alien.)

Anyway. I'm doing better (at the moment) and I've removed the annoying poll results.If my head ever relents I've got a wacky idea for a week of posts that will either leave you laughing or screaming in terror. Perhaps both!

-- E to the P to the OIC

Friday Fiction

This is dedicated to Miakoda, who was nice enough to give me encouragement to keep writing Curse/Or. Don't worry, there will be more -- this just got the ball rolling.

Also, the current story so far has been turned into a downloadable PDF.  Firefox 4 users may be unable to open it within their browsers (I'm one of them) but if you right-click the link and save it to your computer, it will open just fine from there.

And now...




She was flat on her back, staring at the ceiling. She didn't remember falling. She didn't remember much of anything prior to coming out of the toilet. It was as if the movie of her life was a reel of celluloid and, having jammed in the projector, simply melted where it had stopped.

Remove reel.
Excise burnt section like a cancer.
Splice together healthy frames.
Life continues.

Teresa, she realized as her thoughts rearranged themselves into cohesion. My name is Teresa. I'm on the floor of a hotel room. I used to be in prison.

She took a long, shuddering breath as the memories came crashing back. The screaming had been rusty nails clawing at the inside of her mind. The suckling that ate at her soul. The constant, maddening demands. And then it had started talking, less than a year old and it was talking and pawing at her and killing other children whenever she left it alone.

It. The demon seed. The one good thing in her life, and it had become corrupt and possessed. Teresa had ruined everything she touched, just as her mother said she would.

I was in prison because I set my baby boy on fire.

 

Shotgun linkdump

Not really enough here to make a Monday Gunday post, so this is a quick & easy linkdump that follows up on Monday's discussion about shotguns for home defense:

• The shotgun for home defense
• Basics of defensive shotgun rounds
• Firearms Tactical Institute's brief on the penetration & lethality of shotgun ammunition

Lots of good reading there. 

Don't keep those home fires burning.

My apologies for not having updated much this week. There are several significant wildfires near my home and while we aren't in any immediate danger, Chateau Palette is frequently downwind of a particularly large (over 5000 acres) and nasty (45% contained) blaze. While these fires aren't as bad as the Firestorm of '98 where, I shit you not, every county in Florida except the Keys was on fire, they're still pretty bad and are getting worse. Just to give you an idea, I can look out my front window and see everything covered in a thin smoky haze.

Breathing smoke is not good. Being allergic to what's burning is also not good. I had to go to the ER in '98 for smoke inhalation, and now it seems like I'm even more susceptible to the stuff. I'm spending a lot of time in my room, trying to make it as over-pressured as possible. When I do leave the house, I'm wearing a wet dishtowel over my face like a cosplay of the Worst Bank Robber Ever.

What we need most is a soft, gentle rain that lasts for hours and soaks us with several inches of water. What we are getting, unfortunately, are thunderstorms with lots of lightning strikes which are starting even more fires.

Today's been a pretty good day, or at least it was until about 5 minutes ago. The wind has shifted, I've started hacking again, and we're under a severe thunderstorm warning.

I tell you, hurricane season can't get here soon enough.