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Saturday, September 23, 2017

These Raptures Are Getting Tedious

By my count, I have now lived through three major (and countless minor) Raptures:

  1. The Great Rapture of '88, which actually was delayed until 1989, inconveniencing nearly everyone. 
  2. The Silent Rapture of 1994, predicted by Harold Camping, actually did happen despite what many naysayers claim, we just can't remember it. 
  3. And now, today, as I'm trying to go about my daily routine, another Rapture happens.

I got up today - a day like any other day - had my coffee and took my shower. I got dressed and forgot my wallet, so had to turn around and get it. I stopped in at Subway to get a good breakfast. Bacon, egg, and cheese on multigrain flatbread. Megan's a good Sandwich Artist, and always keeps a few eggs in the refrigerator for me, because she knows I'm terrible at waking up early. Unfortunately, when I got there, she'd already been Raptured, so there was nothing but a visor and a pile of clothes draped over the counter and no egg in the refrigerator.

Having to forego breakfast, I decided to pick up some groceries, so my next stop was Target. Target, unlike Wal-Mart, doesn't have door greeters, so I didn't notice anything amiss when I first passed through the automatic doors and walked past the Starbucks near the entrance. I thought the store was surprisingly empty, but it wasn't until I walked up to my usual checkout aisle that I noticed that Cheryl, the pretty older woman who always has a bit of an extra smile for me, was gone. Another frustratingly empty pile of clothes on the floor next to her register.

Unable to obtain groceries, I left the food spoiling in the cart at the registers and decided to go pick up a package from the post office. As you can imagine, this went as well as the rest of my visits - the entire post office had been Raptured. I'm not kidding. Every person in the place, customers included, was gone. In fact, the front windows, all of the packing materials, and an entire wall of PO boxes were gone as well, but whether that was from looting or some new kind of Rapture I'm not qualified to say.

I've now returned home, and I intend to spend the rest of the day fuming in frustration, watching Star Trek on Netflix and playing video games, as I apparently can't get anything done thanks to these annoying Rapt

[note: the preceding is all that exists of this article. The author cannot be located, but this was found in his home]

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