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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I am filled with frustration, anger, jealousy

Frustration: After admitting defeat yesterday, I wasn't in bed more than five minutes before having not one but many ideas on what to write about. Of course, I didn't immediately get up and write because I was tired and already in bed. Now that I'm awake I can't think of any of them. Goddammit.

Anger: By a show of hands, how many people remember even 10% of what they learned in high school chemistry? Biology? I dunno about you guys, but I took an algebra or pre-calc class every year and damned if I can recall more than 3 formulas, total.

How about college? Maybe if you're lucky you remember 20% of what you learned there. I'm not so lucky... with the exception of my Literature courses (which I adored) and one or two VERY notable classes, I don't recall shit about my college experiences.

Yet I can quote to you, verbatim, huge uninterrupted passages from Monty Python, Red Dwarf, and Blackadder.

I don't know which pisses me off more: that I have forgotten all of this potentially useful information, or that I spent so much time and effort in learning things that I've never used, nor ever needed to use, since graduation.

Meanwhile, I still don't know how to change the oil on my car.

Jealousy: How the fuck do some bloggers strike it big and amass huge audiences? I'm about ready to attribute it to random chance, because I've read many of the "big name" blogs and I know -- not think, not feel, but know with an ironclad certainty -- that I write as well, if not better than they do.

And it's not a case of my blog "lacking focus," either; some of them are just random opinion pieces about whatever catches their attention at the moment, and they're still pulling in big numbers.

Maybe I should just go "misanthropic bitch" route and try to offend as many people as possible. I got a huge amount of hits from the recent Canadian brouhaha, and from a quick scan of talk radio it seems like people enjoy being offended, seeing other people be offended, and feeling validated in their prejudices by agreeing with the person doing the offending that the offendees had it coming in the first place and really need to get over themselves.

I'm certain I could do it on a constant basis. I just think it wouldn't be healthy for me -- mentally, socially, emotionally -- to live my life in a constant state of venomous ire. Plus, I am a delicate flower and desperately want people to like me and tell me how great I am, not be angry with me and send nasty or threatening emails my way. I realize that criticism and dislike of my work is part of the literary "package", as it were, but choosing to offend as many people as possible just isn't my thing. I'd much rather keep being who I am -- a quirky, over-literate goth chick with a skewed perspective on life -- but to a much broader audience.

Reading that last paragraph, I think I see the problem: "goth" and "over-literate" simply don't belong in the same sentence as "broader audience." I'm too goth for the mundanes, not goth enough for the lifestylers, and no one ever struck it rich in the popular media being over-literate.

Of course, I'm sure I could increase my viewers by about a thousand percent if I posted nude pictures on my blog, but that's a line I refuse to cross.

Le sigh.

To whom must I whore myself out just to get some decent exposure?

13 comments:

  1. There are probablysome people out there who like to wait like a month and then read all your posts at once. Java likes reading your blog, but he always forgets till I talk about something you've posted, then he reads like a months worth. Maybe there are more people out there like that?

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  2. I'm just filled with home made chocolate chip cookies. Yummy!

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  3. You made chocolate chip cookies and DIDN'T OFFER ME ANY???

    You go to hell, Stumpy! You go to hell and you die!

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  4. I didn't actually make them, my BEAUTIFUL and loving wife made them special for me. They are VERY yummy. I'd share if you didn't live all the way out in the peninsula state there Palpal.

    Besides, if I go to hell and die, you'll have even one less dedicated reader then you do now! (I hear in hell, they only let you use the slowest of dial-up connections. It is hell after all.)

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  5. Here are some Gheredelli(sp) double chocolate brownies baked especially just right so they're moist and chewy, not dry and crumbly. Enjoy!!

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  6. Maybe you should force Chris Sims to link to you.

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  7. Hey, I'm in an even less-read boat than you (huh?). I think more folks would read mine if I knew how to get the word out, but at the moment I feel like I'm talking to myself (Lea reads it, I think to humor me).

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  8. I find myself in the same situation often, Erin. Especially the quoting chunks of Python, Red Dwarf, and Blackadder (I don't like spam, betty rubble, and my favorite series is actually the military one..).

    I really identify with the "too goth for the mundanes, not goth enough for the lifestylers." I find myself especially drawn to the lifestylers, yet I somehow never seem to have enough ink in my skin, holes in my extremities, or leather/pvc/etc in my wardrobe. Still. I have seniority. Bitches. ;-p

    I'll bet you anything though, you get a couple dozen more hits just from MENTIONING nude pictures..

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  9. This is just me, but I think PalPal might want suggestions as to how to increase viewing, rather than just plain ol' sympathy.

    Or at least, so I think. I've been wrong before!

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  10. Some people decide to learn Klingon over their summer holidays. Not French; not Spanish; not even Latin. Freakin' Klingon.

    At least Blackadder's funny.

    As to popularity: pretty damn sure you've got me beat in that department too, but at least I understand why you've got a greater appeal than me! Some bloggers' numbers perplex the shit out of me, though.

    That said, you don't really want suggestions about how to boost visits, do you? I mean attracting the attention of WFA, for example, is pretty easy...but I don't exactly see that as being your bag.

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  11. WFA? Is that another militant Canadian group, Plok? ;)

    Regarding suggestions: I won't turn them down, even though I'm pretty sure I've thought of (or Googled) most of them already. If I had the money I'd purchase some ad time from, say, Penny Arcade, which should tell you that I do take this seriously.

    At this point, I'm pretty sure it's all about social networking and word of mouth, which is why I'm trying to comment more on the blogs that I read.

    Unless a lot more people are reading LR from newsfeeds than are actually visiting the site, I reckon I've got about a hundred regular readers, all told. I'd be satisfied if that number doubled.

    I'd be ecstatic if it hit 500.

    I'd probably shit myself if it reached a thousand.

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  12. I'm sure you're thinking of WTF, Erin.

    Emoticon!

    (I'm just going to say that instead of "rimshot!" from now on, I think...)

    Personally I find WFA hits somewhat unfulfilling, as spike-producing as they are. A link from there makes an impressive amount of rain, but I just have the wrong sort of barrel, to catch it in. I think you've got the wrong sort of barrel, too.

    But, y'know...I'm not sure style like yours needs much of a barrel. Surely that pesky talent of yours is all the PR you need?

    I mean if you're all blocked up, then you're all blocked up, but you're not going to stay blocked up...

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