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Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Well-Meaning Diminishment

Pardon me, I need to get something off my chest. I apologize if I come across as scolding, but this is something which has been bothering me for months:
I know that people mean well when they look at my face and tell me that it's not a big deal, that it's only a little scar. I know that they are trying to tell me "It's hardly noticeable, don't freak out about it."
But what I hear is "You're really overreacting about this. Stop being such a damn baby. It's only a little scar."
And that drives me absofuckinglutely bugnuts because it diminishes what I went through, because while everyone else sees a scar that is healing nicely, what I see is a reminder that I was betrayed and assaulted by a pet that I loved and I thought I could trust, and that assault disfigured me. And I have to look at it EVERY. GODDAMN. DAY.

Imagine the worst thing that's happened to you. Now imagine being reminded of it every time you look in the mirror. Now, imagine someone telling you that your daily reminder of your worst moment is just a little thing, it's nothing to worry about, hardly noticeable. How would that make you feel?

Even though I know they mean well, it makes me feel like they are diminishing what I went through. "Oh, it's just a little mauling. You'll be fine."

So please, I beg you: please don't tell me my scar is so little, so minor, so hardly noticeable. Instead, please say something like "It's healing nicely." Which is true, because it is and I am. 

Nice and slow. 

1 comment:

  1. I must apologize for not being more compassionate about this. It was not meant to be a dismissal of what you went through, by any means. And I feel that I should have been more helpful to you then I was. For that I must apologize. You have every right to feel like you have been slighted or not understood. I hope that you will forgive my lack of understanding and empathy. And I have you in my mind for further healing and strength for the next battle to come. Tim

    ReplyDelete

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