Thursday, January 19, 2023

... Get Ahold of Yourself?

Earlier today I received an email about the Priapus Grip, a new product from Black Collar Arms.
The Priapus Grip is symmetrical with a mild palm swell, an arched backstrap that drives the hand into the correct position, and a nearly vertical, relatively square front strap that’s both comfortable and highly indexable. On any rifle or large format pistol, from full-size PRS guns to subguns, the Priapus Grip’s unique shape, angle, size, and grip textures ensure it feels right at home and outperforms the competition. It’s the best AR-compatible grip on the market!
At launch we’re offering laser-cut sand texture grip tape panels in Black, Gray, OD Green, and Brown, as well as rubber pebble texture in Black. One set of panels is included with each Priapus Grip, and additional sets are just $5. These grip tape panels are easily applied by the end user and are durable and reliable, yet remove cleanly should you want to swap them out.
We particularly like running a rubber pebble texture panel on the side that faces the shooter’s body when carrying the rifle on a sling, and sand texture on the rest. Sand texture is as good as it gets for maximizing grip — it does not slip — in any condition and is still comfortable in the hand, while the rubber pebble texture offers a medium grip level and is gentle on clothing and skin. 

If you aren't chortling to yourself at this, your education was deficient, and all will be explained in the email I sent in reply:
To whom it may concern at Black Collar Arms:

I received your email regarding the Priapus Grip.  

Are you aware that in Greek mythology, Priapus was a fertility god whose most prominent feature was an oversized, permanent erection? And that this gave us the medical term priapism, the condition whereby the penis stays erect for hours?

In essence, your new product's name means "big dick grip" to anyone with a classical education. 

If this was deliberate, then well done on the subtle penis joke. 

However, if this was accidental, you might want to hold an emergency meeting of the marketing staff in order to get ahead of this and potentially rename it.

To their credit, Black Collar Arms replied almost immediately:

Hi Erin,

LOL, yes. Everyone seems to love naming their firearm products after Greek gods, so we thought we'd get in on the fun as well and went with the most appropriate god we could think of for the product.

Jolly good,
Jeeves McSorely
Black Collar Arms 

Golf applause to you, sir.

Perhaps Black Collar Arms ought to go, ahem, 'balls deep' and use the phrase "The Priapus Grip: For when you need to stay up" in their advertising? That would be the chef's kiss on this masterpiece.  

By the way, if you want to add testicles to your Big Dick Grip, you can purchase them in either dangling or rigid style and (ahem) mount them to your rail system. 

Gunsticles Tactical Testicles

The Tac-Sac

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