Salem: Cumstances McPriv makes up for my lack of sleep today.
Me: That name sounds so very twatty.
Salem: I'm thinking a tweedy gentleman in his early 20s, investigating animal-buggerings in rural england.
Me: He needs to have gone to university for animal husbandry.
Salem: With a mail-order PI's license ahd a ridiculous magnifying glass he carries everywhere.
Me: And a suspicious supply of latex gloves.

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Salem MacGourley You watch. FOX is going to jump all over this and remake it with an American cast and RUIN the storyline.
Erin Palette The lead will be played by a mediocre former rapper and the name changed to "Mac Privvvz".
Salem MacGourley Didn't Lil Wayne just retire? Oh god, the coincidences are piling up..
Ian Ng Redundant. Any amount of latex gloves is suspicious.
Salem MacGourley Yes, but if he's pulling a fresh set out of his tweed coat's pocket in every scene, that is noticeably suspicious.
Ian Ng Also, Snoop Lion could lend some much needed regality to the production.
Erin Palette "This Fall, justice goes SNAP!"
Erin Palette It's a bit like "All Creatures Great and Small," only with bawdier jokes about bestiality.
Salem MacGourley OOh can we pitch it to an American network claiming it's a British show that's still in production?
Ian Ng I'd like to guest star as the owner of the Chinese restaurant next door who keeps coming over to buy animals as if it were a market.
Salem MacGourley I want to put that character in.
Erin Palette I like your idea, Ian, but it's not offensive enough. Shouldn't you, a man of Chinese descent, play a Korean?
Ian Ng With a Japanese accent?
Salem MacGourley How offensive can we play this? Because I kind of want to start paraphrasing those racial stereotypes from Phantom Menace now.
Erin Palette 'Stance Mac Privvvz: Animal Fuckin' Investigator
Erin Palette Not to be confused with "fuckin' animal investigator."
Salem MacGourley Instead of a magnifying glass, he carries a tec9. Instead of rubber gloves, it's a blinged-out grill.
Erin Palette As an homage to the original series, we can have a weedy white boy as an assistant to the main character. He can speak in that stereotypical "That's Preposterous!" voice that black people do when they're imitating white folks.
Erin Palette Dude, if he's touching animals with his blinged-out grill, the show has definitely taken a turn for the perverse....
Erin Palette

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