Unknown Ponies: Derpin'

For my thousandth post, I give you nerdcore Brony rap from MC Chris:



Lyrics (cut and paste, and too much of a pain to edit)

you can't tell me what toys I can play with
you can't tell me not to grow my crops
you can't tell me which sex i can marry
its so scary the weird way that you watch

straight out of ponyville
motherfucker name twilight
don't call her belle
sweetie bell raise hell and beat you in barfight

she's unicorn
horn got the force move shit around and teleport
but she's a pony
that's a horse that will but of course cavort for sport

like spike on rarity clydesdale clarity
there's the horse that I hunger for
fluttershy got those butter thighs
bumblesweet but with a little bit of mumblecore

pinkemena is mean motherfucker
pullin pranks with rainbowdash
they don't give a fuck if your shit's fucked up
they gonna fall back and laugh

you can't tell me what toys i can play with
you can't tell me not to grow my crops
you can't tell me which sex i can marry
its so scary the weird way that you watch

you know the type
make you think about suicide they're so super hype
then you know that pinkie pie so freakafied
whatever sweets inside won't suffice

(beat) dash is lass with the rainbow mane
pass so fast make you lose your cool
she's a mine detector a cloud collector
when's the last time you heard a rainbow boom

everytime somebody rocks a rainbow
like R2 or lucky charms
they gotta get all aggro back in the backroom
make sure nobody doin any harm

bunch of baloney just a bunch of ponies
save that horseshit for your barn
the only danger in this manger
is finding friendship on the farm

you can't tell me what toys i can play with
you can't tell me not to grow my crops
you can't tell me which sex i can marry
it's so scary the weird way that you watch

don't talk smack unless they force you
if it's applejack you might taste her horseshoe
help her with the harvest if she requests it,
her heart is the part that is heavily invested

herd not a pack with some stand back dramatics,
don't panic when they stampede through the static
u heard that it's wack heard friendship is magic
better than back in the paddock

some ponies know their cutie marks
and some must crusade
some people know their role in life,
and some others must wait
I love my little pony
my little pony is great
i wish that people were ponies
then life wouldn't be lame

you can't tell me what toys i can play with
you can't tell me not to grow my crops
you can't tell me which sex i can marry
it's so scary the weird way that you watch

I thought the doom metal outro was a nice frisson of cognitive dissonance. Hat tip to Scumfuck for the link, and that's a phrase I never thought I'd ever say...

Now I bet you guys thought that was the big special 1000th post, right? You're wrong. You're SO wrong. That was the just aperitif. 

THIS is the main course:

Derpy Hooves statted up for Unknown Ponies.

And just in case you are one of the small-minded people who are offended by the word "derp," you are cordially invited to view this video containing rebuttal by someone who was in special education classes during school.