Thursday, February 14, 2013

This Is Horrifyingly True

After my mom's surgery she was told she would need a stool softener because the medications she was on would make it difficult for her to poop. When I went grocery shopping with my father, he insisted on calling it a stool sampler. I didn't correct him, because a) it was hilarious and b) I didn't want to deal with the inevitable fight that occurs whenever I point out he's wrong.

For V- Day today, I was given a Whitman's Sampler of chocolates. Now I can't eat them.

You figure out why.

And now, my Valentine to each and every one of you. It's got something for everyone, I think.

You, ah, might not want to open it at work. Or around children. Or other people.

Happy Valentine's Day!


  1. OMG, that's freakin' awesome! I'm sending your dad Good Karma for inadvertently programming your brain. My pop had "bowel troubles" and he delighted in explaining them to me until I lost almost 10 lbs from nausea. Let them warm slightly and then trust your sense of smell, if that suggestion doesn't trigger a heave-fest.  :) 

  2. Ya know . . . . if us fathers can't send our daughters off the deep end . . . . well . . . . then we're just not doin' our job!!  :)  I do my best to tweak my wonderful daughter every chance I get . . . . it's what us daddies do!!!

    As for the photo - think my head just exploded just a bit . . . .

    Have a great Valentines Day Ms. E.

  3. *facepalm*

    Please don't get me anything for Halloween.


  4. I think that was one of Stacie Laughton's campaign photos from [insert your choice of dubious gender pronouns]'s NH state house election.  Both of them. After she/he decided to run for re-election to replaced [--]self after it was discovered he/she was ineligible to run or hold office due to still being on parole for the felony fraud convictions. (Google it; as Dave Barry would say, "I am not making this up.")

  5. I hope you won't be offended if I say I'm sorta glad you're not my Valentine, cuz....GAWD!!!!!!

  6. You figure out why.

  7. Whitman's Sampler. 

    Stool "Sampler".

    Chocolate and poop have approximately the same color...

  8. Now you understand why I couldn't eat them.

  9.  "For V- Day today, I was given a Whitman's Sampler of chocolates. Now I can't eat them.

    You figure out why."

    Because ... your dad's ... a subtle monster?


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