Thursday, June 18, 2015

A Eulogy For A Departed Friend

Friends, Occultists, Con-men, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Constantine, not to praise him. 
The evil that man does lives after him;
While the good is interred with his series;
So let it be with Constantine. The noble NBC
hath told you Constantine was unpopular;
If it were so, would it have grevious ratings shown
And grievously hath Constantine answer'd it.

Here, under leave of NBC and the rest --
For NBC is an honourable network;
So are they all, all honourable networks --
Come I to speak in Constantine's funeral.

He was my friend, fauthful and true to source material;
But NBC says he was unpopular;
And NBC is an honourable network.

Constantine brought few ratings home to NBC
Whose ransoms those coffers failed to fill:
Did this in Constantine seem unpopular?

When that the fans have cried, Constantine hath wept:
Series should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet NBC says he was unpopular;
And NBC is an honourable network.

You all did see that on Facebook
I many times shared praising status updates,
Which gathered many a like: Was this unpopular?

Yet NBC says he was unpopular;
And, sure, it is an honourable network.
I speak not to disprove what NBC spoke,
But I am here to speak what I do know.

You all saw the promise, not without cause;
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
O judgement! Thou art fled to low-brow sitcoms
And studio execs have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is on the cutting room floor there with Constantine,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

My sincerest apologies for butchering the metric of The Bard. Season 1 always sucks and gets low ratings, NBC;, seriously, you could have given it another 13 episodes for it to grow. 

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