Time for a righteous asskicking

You know, all I wanted was a somber, mellow 9/11 where I could be kind of sad and mourn the dead. I didn't want to get angry.

But then, some assholes in Egypt and in Libya decided that it would be fun to invade our embassies. Which, I would like to point out, are considered American soil. This means that yesterday -- on the date of the biggest terrorist act against our country -- two nations invaded us.

There are some who say it was an al Qaeda plot, and that I should be mad at them and not Egypt or Libya. I call bullshit, because whose job is it to prevent protests from turning into riots and then international incidents?  That's right, the police of the host nation. Who, I hasten to point out, did fuck-all to stop their people. 

What's worse, in Libya they actually managed to murder our ambassador, along with three other people, and then drag his body through the streets. 

So you know what?  Fuck it. I'm back in full aggro mode again, screaming at the TV screen. American citizens under diplomatic immunity have been murdered by foreign agents on American soil, and so far no one has done anything except use mild language to condemn the attacks in a very namby-pamby sort of way, when this is what we should have done in both instances:  

That's right, waste the motherfuckers. Instead, we look like complete pansies because we can't even defend our patch of sovereign soil in a foreign country.

So here's what I say we do: We withdraw all diplomatic personnel from North Africa and the Middle East; we officially close those embassies permanently; and then we implode the buildings with demolition charges, leaving those countries with nothing but a pile of smoldering rubble. If they want to use the real estate, they'll have to haul it all away first.

It's the closest I can come to leaving a gigantic, stinking pile of shit on their front lawns.

Today is a complicated day

I don't have the strength left in me to summon the proper anger any more. I just don't.

If you do, I certainly support your right to wrath. If you are reading this and feel unfulfilled, please take a stroll down my blogroll; many, if not all of the gunblogs are writing memorial posts, and good for them for so doing.

But I ran out of steam long ago. This is still a sacred day of remembrance to me, but the anger has passed and I've moved on through mourning and into acceptance. It happened, it sucked, but I'd rather spend what energy I have on being positive and effecting change in my life.

Much of this is tempered by the fact that last year, United States SEALs were able to deliver wrathful judgement upon Osama bin Laden. A lot of my anger had been about how the figurehead and mastermind of this plan was still at large, living when others far more worthy than he were dead.

But he's dead now, and hopefully in hell being sodomized by a demon's spiked cock.

If you lost loved ones 11 years ago, I am terribly sorry. I will remember them as I remember  all who died that day.  But all I can offer are prayers and sympathy.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I look forward to the day when today is as culturally relevant as December 7th, 1941 -- when all the hate has gone out of it and it is only a day of historical interest.

Until then:

לעולם אל תשכח

μολὼν λαβέ

Si vis pacem, para bellum

So, um... wow

I can't think of a good name for this. "Amazing and sobering" comes to mind, but so does "HOLY FUCKBALLS!"

Just... read the article.

Stop Playing 'Modern Warfare' And See What A Real Marine's Mission In Afghanistan Looks Like

Friday Freeman

So, about five years ago I tried to start a meme about how Morgan Freeman is sexy, sassy, smooth-talking pimp-daddy. It didn't take off. Turns out I wasn't wrong, I was just ahead of my time.

Behold!




And I daresay this gives Gilbert Gottfried's reading a run for his money:

WNW: Turn Off Your Bloody Phone

WARNING: SHOCKINGLY, VIOLENTLY, GRAPHICALLY, HOLY-SHIT-I-AIN'T-KIDDING NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR FOR PEOPLE WITH DELICATE DISPOSITIONS. 


That said, if you like horror, and/or agree that terrible, horrible things should be performed upon the rude "people" who text or talk on the phone in the theater, then you will love this video.

Me? I laughed my ass off. I don't care if you think it's sick or twisted or misogynistic or whatever. I say it's awesome, and I've wanted to do something very much like it on more than one occasion.

On this Labor Day...

... I give you a slightly edited and improved (for clarity) commercial I had in a dream, probably inspired by the day and this news item. 

Interior: a ledge of wooden rafters against a wall with high windows. We are made to think this is the interior of a church, perhaps Saint Basil's Cathedral in Moscow.

Vladimir Ilyich Lenin (hereafter VIL) steps into frame from stage left. Instead of his traditional black suit he is wearing a tight t-shirt with slacks and dress shoes, hipster-style. The shirt is festooned with colorful designs that simultaneously suggest Tetris blocks, political graffiti, and Soviet-era art. 

VIL thoughtfully takes a few steps onto a crossbeam, then notices the camera to his right. He stops, carefully turns, and addresses the audience. 

VIL:  Modern political fashion can be a bit of a balancing act. On the one hand, a dedicated revolutionary should make every effort to convince other workers that his cause is just. On the other...

Cut to: a scene depicting a bourgeois capitalist pigdog, finely dressed, getting rich off the honest labors of the working man by selling Che Guevara t-shirts to noble, hardworking proletariat for literal buckets of money.

VIL (voiceover): ... one does not wish to give aid and comfort to one's political enemies simply because they control the means of distribution.

Back to VIL, looking straight down the camera, face-only.

VIL: That is why, on this Glorious People's Day of Labor, I, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, am proud to announce...

Cut to wide shot. VIL's arms spread wide. To either side of him are large workmen, dressed in equally tight t-shirts.

VIL: ... the Second October Revolution! (SFX:  echo and reverb)

(Back to 3/4 shot of VIL)

VIL: Yes my friends! Today is a glorious day! Today, the workers take back style! From each, according to their sense of design! To each, according to their sense of fashion!

VIL begins stalking across the beam towards stage right, knocking over the workers in his way. Those further back, seeing the trend, dive off into oblivion.)

VIL: The workers control the means of production! Without the workers, you have no shirts! Do you truly wish to be seen as ideologically naked in this political struggle of class versus crass?

VIL stops again; head turns to the right to address camera once more.

VIL: (roaring) NO! Down with the industrial bourgeoisie! Up with the industrial  proletariat! Buy Second October Revolution apparel TODAY!

VIL stalks off-camera as the Second October Revolution logo appear: a dollar sign, a hammer and sickle, and a profile of Lenin, each indicative of the letters S, O, and R. 

Voiceover: Available at these fine outlets.

Fade-in logos of stores carrying the SOR brand, such as Aeropostale, Hot Topic, and Banana Republic. Linger for three seconds, then cut. 

Yes, even my dreams are full of satire.

Please tell me that all of you get this. I hate having to explain my humor...

Unboxing

Oh look, a package for me. I wonder what's inside?

Oh my. This looks promising...

Oh ho ho ho! Could it be...?

It could!

It is!

The PMR-30 from Kel-Tec! I have found a way to successfully turn bullshit my writing into guns!

It's larger than I expected, both in barrel length and grip size.

It's very thin, though, and quite light. About 90% of it is glass-reinforced nylon.

Sexy fiber-optic sights.


Well, I know what I'll be doing over Labor Day. A more in-depth review will follow soon after. I plan to have my mother shoot this as well, so as to provide that critical over-65 demographic.

My guy at the gun store, Kirk, was very interested in this. He's sold two PMR-30s, but has never had the chance to shoot one, so of course I invited him along. Not only will that provide me with a nice spectrum of reviewers, but it's always a good thing to have a gun store guy as a friend.

Pew pew pew.