You Have Milk

It's 1997. Rammstein's most popular song has debuted, and I know just enough German to be dangerous. 

My friends and I hear the music on the radio for the first time, and we start headbanging. Then the lyrics begin, and I start laughing so hysterically that I have difficulty breathing. 

When I've recovered my composure enough to explain to my friends why I'm pissing myself with laughter, I explain "Du Habst Milch" in German translates to "You Have Milk" in English. 

Not once do I ask myself "Why would a hardcore German metal band write a song proclaiming that someone has milk?"  No, I just take it as a given, because in my world this makes perfect sense. 

Needless to say, I was EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED to learn that the actual lyrics were "Du Hast Mich" which, translated, means "You Have/Hate Me". *

I still prefer my version of events.

* Before anyone gets all "Well, akshually" on me, let me explain that the song is more complex than people realize. 

• Du Hast = You Have
• Du Hasst = You Hate 

Hasst and Hast sound a lot alike, especially when sung aloud. 

Also consider that the chorus, Willst du bist das tod euch scheidet, treue sein fur alle tagen, which means "Will you stay true to each other for all of your days until death separates you," is the German version of wedding vows, including "Till death do you part." 

Put it all together and it's pretty clear that, as someone said on Facebook, the song is clever wordplay regarding the dichotomy of love and hate in marriage. 

Good Stuff from an Away Game

 

I am hilarious, and if you're not laughing your ass off at this, well, you're wrong. 

WNW: My Little Pony plays with Guns

 

Never forget to make your gun make the ch-chk noise, or else it won't gun properly.

For those curious, the audio is from a much longer (and much cringier) video here. 

Wednesday Night Wackiness: The MA37 Assault Rifle (Standard UNSC Rifle)

I've mentioned before how I adore people taking fictional or absurd topics and giving them full-length, super-serious analysis?

Yeah, this is one of those. In this case it's a well-known gun vlogger talking about the battle rifle from the Halo  series of games.

Wednesday Night Wackiness: Speaking of Les Stroud...

... he is doing a Survivorman web series on COVID-19. It's basically Les satirizing himself.

I found it funny. Check it out!

WNW: My Little Swearing Ponies

For reasons I cannot explain, I find it hysterical when people dub swears onto MLP characters. I cannot explain this because, you, I maintain that these are wholesome children's characters and that is why I hate it when they are sexualized or depicted as injured, dead, or worse. They need to be innocent... and yet, I laugh like a loon when they curse. I can't explain it.

So with that said, let's start off with a classic which I may have posted here once before: Reggie Watts' Fuck Shit Stack dubbed over Fluttershy. Warning! Extremely NSFW Fluttercussing!




But that's just the appetizer, my friends. Now for the main course: actual NSFW bloopers from MLP's final episode! (Which I haven't yet seen, because I'm not yet ready for the series to end.)Let me tell you, Tabitha St. Germain drops some very potent bombs in this clip, and it's hilarious how smoothly such filth trips off Rarity's cultured tongue.




As much as I love Tabitha's "Fuck me [adjective]" lines, I am absolutely enamored of her use of the word "Ballsack!" as a vulgarity.




And as you can see, "millennium" is still giving her problems.




Sweet lord above, I love my fandom.

Thank You! & a video

A big THANK YOU to everyone who donated to my #GivingTuesday fundraiser! We didn't hit $2K, but we got within $232 of it!

Last year I asked for $1,000 and got more than that (I don't recall how much... I think it was about $1300 or so). I figured I might as well shoot for the moon this year and ask for double that. Go big or go home, right?

As far as I'm concerned, it was a success. We hit 88.5% of a goal that was twice as big as last year's. Amazing! Wonderful! Thank you so much!

You can even help support us Operation Blazing Sword with online shopping and it won't even cost you a thing. Not only are we a registered charity with Amazon Smile, but OBS also has its own Amazon Affiliate link! That means if you use Amazon Smile and our link, you can donate to us twice while shopping online and without costing you anything!

If you follow that link, you'll see it leads to what could be called an influencer page. I call it an "Operation Blazing Sword recommends these products". Not only are they quality, but they're a good starting point for the new shooter or concealed carrier!

And so as a thank you for all your support, I give you this very fun video.

Mickey Mouse & His Guns

Even though these are from 2015, I just discovered these. They're an interesting look at how Disney was once pro-gun!

As an extra bonus, these videos are hosted by my buddy Chris Cheng!




There really is a video here, despite the blank thumbnail.

WNW: Star Wars Episode IX Opening Crawl Revealed?!

I'll be honest: this is about what it would take to get me to watch Episode 9.

Hello, gamers. Look at your PC class, then back to me.

In a twist no one saw coming, ultra-manly Old Spice decided that an effective marketing technique would be to appeal to nerds by making a Pathfinder PC class called the Gentleman.

And yes, I do mean Pathfinder and not D&D; if you look at the class skills you will see that it says "Acrobatics".  3.5 edition D&D used Balance and Tumble; the were not combined into Acrobatics until Pathfinder.

So there you have it:  Old Spice decrees that Pathfinder, and not D&D, is the greatest role playing game of all time! ;)

Download this new Old Spice Gentleman Class for the greatest role playing game of all time, which we cannot mention for legal reasons, to fulfill that fantasy dream you have always had since reading this post. https://t.co/sz1D2hMMm9 pic.twitter.com/f7KsKE6aiQ

— Old Spice (@OldSpice) February 7, 2018

For those folks who are having difficulty downloading the class due to its immense popularity, I've uploaded a copy to my own google drive for your convenience.

As observed by Comicbook.com,

The Gentlemen class is basically a bard on steroids, with a few overpowered abilities mixed in. Not only does a Gentlemen get an increase in their Base Attack Bonus every level, something that's usually reserved for martial classes only, they also get to add their Charisma and Dexterity modifier to their Armor Class whenever they wear a fancy suit.

A Gentlemen's default abilities are the catchphrase and punchline - abilities that can either inspire allies or damage their opponents. As a Gentlemen levels up, they also gain abilities like turning into an intelligent dog, spontaneously summon a horse, or heal allies with their pleasing scent...which comes from a Gentlemen using Old Spice products, of course. Eventually, a Gentlemen also earns an MBA and has the opportunity to marry and can instantly level up his party by getting a new haircut. If a Gentlemen reaches Level 20, he becomes a being of pure energy and can make anything explode...but at the cost of ascending to a higher plane of existence.

This class is an odd beast indeed: far too much work has been put into it for it to be an unplayable joke class, but neither is it properly balanced (some abilities are too powerful and some are just jokes). I feel like with some work, this could be turned into a balanced (if weird) combination of Bard and Paladin.

I know that I probably could make it work. The question is, should I?

Your Earworm Of The Day

I am quite frankly shocked that it took so long for this to happen.

WNW: SNL Grows a Backbone

For the first time in what, this century? SNL has decided to take a swing at the Democrats.

When Donna Brazile first threw Hillary under the bus, I wondered when she would commit suicide by shooting herself in the back of the head multiple times. Now I wonder if the rest of the country smells weakness in the Clinton political machines and is jumping on that.

Alternately, I wonder when Lorne Michaels will be found dead under mysterious circumstances...

The Perfect Ammo for Han Solo Season

You folks remember that Hornady Z-Max ammo from five years ago, right? The stuff that was basically Critical Defense, but with a green tip instead of a red tip and zombie branding on the box, to cash in on the big zombie craze?

http://tinyurl.com/ybr4fcvb

But there's an even bigger craze out there that's been sweeping the country for longer than zombies, and I think that Hornady needs to get on this right now to tap a hitherto-neglected market.

What's my big idea?  Pumpkin Spice Ammunition. No, wait, hear me out:

1. Hornady makes pumpkin orange colored inserts for their ammunition and a seasonal "Pumpkin Spice Ammo" box. 
2. Throw in a little cachet of actual pumpkin spice to make the ammo smell nice. 
3. Sell this ammo to all the pumpkin spice-obsessed people. 
4. PROFIT. 

Why is this not a thing already? Sell it right next to those North Face vests and you'll make a mint!

http://tinyurl.com/y9qu4njx

Perhaps the Bounciest Goosestepping EVER

I must admit that I'm enamored of the green coat and black skirt ensemble. Normally military skirts are right at knee length or below, but careful, dutiful study over frequent rewatchings has proven to my satisfaction that these skirts are 1-2 inches above the knee. Combined with such... bouncy... goosestepping, this is an audacious fashion choice.

And yet, somehow, it works. It's almost ridiculous, but not quite. Neither is it "sexy" or "slutty". It has an endering teenage quality to it, like you might get if you crossed cheerleaders with ROTC cadets.

The DM's Lament

I need 6 more hours in my day in order to get stuff done. Can anyone tell me where I can go to get a 30 hour day? Maybe start a petition at Whitehouse.gov or Moveon.org?

At any rate, this has been another typical week of being tired and working hard with little to show for my efforts. I'm even late in posting a silly little video that I should have done on Wednesday night.

Not only is this funny and fits within my experience as a DM, but the tone of tired frustration nicely matches how I feel in Real Life.

Hipster Canadians Shooting Guns

Aww, aren't they cute? I'm amused by the proto-ponytail on the guy. It's like a man bun, only smaller!

This video amply demonstrates a few things:

1. Why safety gear is important
2. Why dressing for the range is important
3. Why some guns are best suited for experienced shooters (.50 AE is probably Too Much Gun for newbies; I'd have had them shoot .45 ACP instead)

I'll give them credit, though: unless the video is heavily edited (which it might be), they observed Col. Cooper's Four Rules, even while clowning around, and they hit their targets.

I'm glad they gave shooting a try, even though they decided that guns aren't for them. That's an informed choice, not one dictated by fear.

Wednesday Night WTF?

I... have very confused feelings about this video.

On the one hand, "Yay boobs! I like looking at boobs!"

On the other hand, "Boobs without nipples aren't as interesting. Boobs with mouths IN PLACE OF nipples are downright disturbing. Rather like a distaff version of Neil Gaiman's Corinthian."

On the third hand, I'm pretty sure everyone reading this blog can think of kinky stuff to do with boob mouths.

WNW: Alas, Poor Alexa?

What do you get when you combine Amazon's Alexa with a three-axis talking skull? This:



I feel like it needs more atmospherics to become truly disturbing. Perhaps an enclosure to give the illusion that the skull is floating; perhaps an artificial flame effect to evoke the appearance of a bound, damned soul.

The creator (artificer?) lists the specifications here, if you want to build one of your own.

And then this happened

WNW: the Best Political Ad of 2016

No, trust me, this one's funny.



We need more political ads like this!