People have been asking me how I'm doing, and I appreciate that they care. Thank you. ❤ Because I don't want to keep replying to the same question, however, I am making this post.
My father died last week. He was 87 years old. I don't know yet what he died from (we are still waiting on the death certificate, because apparently the coroner can't be bothered to sign it), but from all reports his death seems to have been from natural causes. He was frequently sick in the VA home, and I believe his most recent illness was some kind of pneumonia. He also had a suite of problems stemming from his diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease, which was caused by Agent Orange exposure during his service in Vietnam and which resulted in him being declared 100% disabled as far back as 2019 or 2020, I don't quite recall. I do know that he passed quickly, as the VA gave us no warning along the lines of "He's dying, come say your goodbyes now" and they had always been very good about letting us know his medical condition (at least once before they were pretty sure he was dying and we received such a message).
How am I doing? I'm tired and stressed, because in addition to this there's a lot of other things going on at home, with stuff breaking on a regular basis and the insurance company dragging its feet on paying out our mold claim for 6.5 months now. It's fortunate that my father handled his funeral preparations years ago, before the dementia set it, because that saves us about 95% of the work... however, that 5% is still a fair bit and it's almost all aggravating paperwork (such as notifying insurance of his death, which requires a death certificate, WHICH WE STILL DON'T HAVE AFTER A WEEK) or the logistical fandango of scheduling a memorial service and funeral so that family members who live in two different time zones can attend.
How am I feeling? At the risk of being labeled callous, I don't feel any different. I mourned my father a long time ago; due to various factors, including dementia, the moment he left home and went to the VA he basically forgot I existed. (For example, he didn't even acknowledge me on Christmas or my birthday.) I took my mother to the VA on Sunday and we cleaned out his room, and I thought that maybe it would hit me emotionally that "my father is gone and I'll never see him again" but it never did.
People are asking how they can help, and the sad truth is that unless you can give my mother $250,000 so that she won't have to worry about financial stability for the rest of her life (she's 84) there's really nothing you can do. We treasure all the prayers and well-wishes you offer, of course, and I don't want to discourage that, but in terms of things you can do to improve the situation there aren't any.
The funeral is set for mid-August, and hopefully we won't have a hurricane during that time. I will not be posting my father's obituary or other details online; this is to protect my mother's privacy from anti-gun and/or anti-queer zealots who would use the details to dox and harass her because she's related to me. If you wish to do something, then in lieu of flowers or cards I ask that you donate to the charity of your choice and let me know (via comment or email) to whom you donated. If you are looking for suggestions, then any charity which fights Parkinson's or helps veterans is appropriate, but again any charity will do.
Thank you all for your love, care and concern.
PDF
