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Saturday, October 13, 2007

Jurassic Dork

by Troy Hickman


Every day I see more evidence that there's a rift in fandom. There's very definitely a generational divide between what we'll call the "nouveau geek" and the older fans or, as I like to call them, the Original Geeks (OGs). How do you know which you are, pinkboy? That's easy. As someone who's terribly, horribly, painfully old, let me give you some questions that will establish if you're an Original Geek:

If you think Capt. Kirk having a green woman in every spaceport made him Da Man rather than a "sexist womanizer," you might be an OG.

If you've ever spent an entire weekend in your basement
cataloging every character ever to appear in a Legion of Superheroes comic...and LOVING IT...you might be an OG.

If you can hum the theme song to "Manimal," you might be an OG.

If your exposure to anime is limited to Gigantor and Prince Planet, you might be an OG.

If you think the word "pocky" is merely a description of the average nerd's complexion, you might be an OG.

If you believe in bathing...once a month whether you need it or not...you might be an OG.

If you've uttered the name "Ray Harryhausen" more than three times in your life, you might be an OG.

If you think "MMORPG" is the sound you make when you get caught in your zipper, you might be an OG.

If you're sure the answer to the Jessica Alba vs. Jessica Biel argument is "Julie Newmar," you might be an OG.


If you've never kissed anything besides your pillow or your forearm, you might be an OG.

If your weekly comic buying ever took you to the same store where your mom purchased cauliflower, you might be an OG.

If your idea of a goth chick is Morticia Addams, you might be an OG.

If your only option to seeing a monster movie on TV was to STAY HOME WHILE IT'S ON, you might be an OG.

If you ever spent two hours sitting on the john, transfixed by the new issue of Famous Monsters of Filmland, you might be an OG.

If you ever watched an episode of Lost in Space and masturbated...to June Lockhart...you might be an OG.

If you know that Marvel Triple Action doesn't involve a threesome with Quesada and Bendis, you might be an OG.

If you think emo is a big Australian bird...well, then you're just a doofus.

7 comments:

sean witzke said...

Mo'fucker, I'm 22 and I've been talking about Ray Harryhausen since I was like six. You just old.

Troy Hickman said...

I didn't say that age and geek category were linked. There are plenty of "young folk" who have more of an OG mentality, and there are geezers who think like nouveau geeks.

And I never fucked Mo.

And don't make me open up a can of OG whoopass on you (you know, much like both Sinbad and Jason did on those Harryhausen skeletons).

Salem MacGourley said...

Troy, you remember Mo, she was that redhead in Pensacola about three years back..

Sorry, what?

I'm with you, though. Going through a divorce, you meet a lot of people younger than you (and subsequently make them laugh by warning them not to ever get married..the fools!) and most of the "nouveau geeks" I've fallen in with lately fit nearly the antithesis of your list..

Salem MacGourley said...

Oh, and by Sinbad, he didn't mean the comedian, Sean.

sean witzke said...

Hardy fucking har.

Allura-Mike said...

While I agree whole heartedly with Kirk being Da Man and still swoon over Julie Newmar in that outfit (though I certainly wouldn't say no to Jessica Alba) and while I remember Manimal, I don't recall the theme song. The rest doesn't really apply to me that much.

I didn't get into comics until I was 16-17 (35 now) and was always more of a Marvel person than DC and a dabbler in Marvel at that, mostly Xavier's groups/kids.

What I DO consider myself is a Gamer Geek. Tabletop, LANs, MUDs, MMORPG, I'm not picky =)

On a side note, I always thought Mortica Adams was hot =)

Stumpy said...

Julie Newmar...rawr! Oh the things she and that Cat Woman outfit did to my young and impressionable mind.

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