Mom Update: Not good news

Well, this isn't good news:  Mom is staying another night in the hospital because she is having trouble swallowing.  They think it's because she's over-medicated -- mom has always had low tolerance for narcotics -- so they're going to change the drug regimen and see if that makes a difference. Because they can't release her until she can swallow on her own.

This actually worries me.

Palette's Product Reviews: the Sub-2000 extended cocking handle by Twisted Industries, Inc.

Some of you no doubt recall that when I first got the Kel-Tec Sub-2000, I immediately took a dislike to the cocking handle due to its small size and awkward construction:

The second problem I have with this weapon is the manner in which it is cocked. The bolt assembly lives in the buffer tube to the rear of the action, so cocking it requires me to curl my index finger around the operating handle which protrudes underneath and pull it to the rear. As you may imagine, this requires a fair amount of force (akin to releasing the safety on a Mosin-Nagant) and all of it is concentrated on the crook of my finger. This is not only unpleasant, it's poor ergonomics, and something my mother (who has arthritis) would have trouble with.

I plan to coat this in black plasti-dip to give it a more uniform appearance. 

Fortunately, the fix for this is simple. I took the head from an old Mini Maglite and used epoxy putty to pack the cavity. This simple modification allows me to wrap three fingers and a thumb around it, giving me much greater leverage. While I had no problems with this extension when shooting, it is entirely possible that men with large hands might find it striking them on the back of their wrists. I don't think this is likely, as you hold the S2k like a rifle (forearm held at an angle) rather than like a pistol (forearm straight back from the pistol grip), but be aware of this possibility and test it before you permanently modify your S2k!

Each square is 1 inch.

Some of you may be wondering why I don't talk about my fix more, or why it doesn't show up in pictures. The sad, embarrassing truth of the matter is that my fix... well... broke. Catastrophically so. Apparently I packed too much epoxy putty into the bulb, which made the end significantly heavier than the material's tolerances. After several magazines' worth of moving back and forth, my kitbashed handle broke at its weakest point, which (as you can see in figure 1, above) is a cut in the handle's shaft where the recoil spring holds it in place via tension.  That part bent under pressure, fractured, and then fell off -- fortunately, while I was cleaning the gun. It could have been tragic if it had failed while I was operating the firearm. 

The take-home lesson here is, "If you attempt engineering without an engineering degree, be prepared to suffer the consequences."

But I maintain that my principle was sound, dammit, and it appears that someone agrees with me. Harry Perrette over at Twisted Industries -- the guys who make .22 LR conversions for Kel-Tec pistols, and who hosted the "Execute a Zombie" party I attended with Oleg -- makes an extended cocking handle for the Sub-2000, and because Harry is someone who actually worked at Kel-Tec, he knows how to make it right.

Left:  Stock cocking handle from Kel-Tec.
Right: Extended cocking handle from Twisted Industries, Inc.

The first time I saw this product, it was on Harry's S2K which was sitting on the "table of guns" I mentioned in this post, and the moment I saw it I knew I had to have it. It took all of my patience and social grace not to demand that Harry take it off his gun and give it to me immediately. Instead, I settled for badgering him constantly until he gave in and made me one.

Let me first say that I haven't shot with this yet, and given the increasing price of ammunition, it might be a while. That said, I don't expect there to be any issue, since as I said earlier, it was designed by one of the original Sub-2000 machinists.

I'm not a machinist, but the diameters look and feel identical.

That said, I love everything about this handle. By making it long enough for two fingers to grasp instead of just one, TI has made cocking the S2K a pleasure. I'm able to exert more force with less effort and less strain on my hand and finger. Even my mother, who has arthritis, had an easier time with this new handle.* Plus, it won't break like my homemade fix did.

It's brilliant, it's comfortable, it's everything I ever wanted in a cocking handle. Every Sub-2000 owner should have one.

How much will it cost you?  I'm sorry to say that I don't know. When I emailed Harry asking him about it, he said that he was ready to start production on it but was unsure of the price. (I recommended a price point of about $20 because people would snap it up at that price, but I don't know if that would cover their expenses or not. I can't see it costing more than $50 at the most.)

If you want one of these handles -- and believe me, if you own a Sub-2000, you want one -- then I suggest you contact Twisted Image and ask them to make one for you.

UPDATE 3/01/13: I am pleased to announce that the Extended Cocking Handle for the Sub-2000 is now available for sale by Twisted Industries. They are calling it the Double Finger Operating Handle and are selling it for $44.99. Trust me, it's worth it.

UPDATE 11/08/2013: I just noticed that the operating handle has been reduced to $24.99. This is a much better price, and if you own a Subbie you now have no reason NOT to get this. The upgrade in comfort is easily worth 25 bucks. Get it -- you won't be sorry.

UPDATE 9/22/2014:  Twisted Industries has changed its web address and updated their Sub-2000 Operating Handle designs to be stronger. They cost between $24.99 for the graphite black version and $29.99 for a stainless steel version.

Phone: (321) 631-6133 

Email: sales@twisted.industries

* Which isn't to say that she finds it easy, mind you. But the added width means that she's able to grasp the handle like a knife and, resting the stock against her knee, is able to use her entire arm and shoulder to work the bolt. This extra inch of length imparts extreme mechanical advantage. 

Mom

Today is the day mom has surgery to address her spinal stenosis by having a disk replaced in the C7-T1 region of her neck. I'll be updating throughout the day with, erm, updates.

• 9:00 am: Left the house in good spirits, being driving by my father. The "in good spirits" is important because her surgery is scheduled for 4pm and she wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything since midnight. The nurses are going to have their work cut out for them...
• 10:45 am:  Got a call from my father indicating they safely arrived in Orlando. Dad likes being early, almost pathologically so. Mom didn't have to be at the hospital until 12 noon.  Now it's "hurry up and wait."  I already feel sorry for everyone working there. 
• 3:30 pm:  The doctor begins surgery.  
• 5:30 pm:  Mom is out of surgery and in the recovery room.  While the operation was originally planned in the C5-T1 region, the surgeon said that T1 did not need any work. This is great news, because less surgery means a shorter convalescence and a faster recovery time. 

Big thanks to everyone who sent prayers and well-wishes!

Manidono, Petty God of Half-Assed Effort

Over two years ago, I submitted this to Jamie Maliszewski for inclusion in Petty Gods. Since then, the project has been tabled indefinitely, his website Grognardia hasn't been updated for over a month, and he hasn't replied to any of my emails.

From this, I conclude that the project is vaporware, and if I want my submission to see the light of day I'll have to print it here.  I figure that two years after the fact, with the editor AWOL, the rights have reverted back to me (even though I never signed them over -- or signed anything for that matter).

In accordance with this, and the fact that my mom has surgery tomorrow and the rest of the week is going to be half-assed at best, I present you with our mascot and sponsor:

Mr. Maliszewski,

I know that you said you preferred a serious tone for Petty Gods, but I figure that every monster book needs at least one loser monster. Manidono, the Petty God of slackers, half-assed effort, and loose change, is this book's Flumph.

Art by Barking Alien, who missed the memo on half-assery.

Name: Manidono
Symbol: An unmade bed
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral*

Created by the halfhearted, momentary worship of people who desperately desire (if only for only a few moments) that their current problem goes away, Manidono is the petty god of slackers, half-assed effort, and loose change. He has no organized priesthood, no formal temples, and no official holy days, because those things would take dedication, foresight, and effort, all of which are anathema to Manidono. He is called upon only in moments of duress (and at no other time) by people too lazy to do any real work and who expect a quick and effortless miracle.

If Manidono can be bothered to answer the prayer of a supplicant (25% chance), it usually manifests in the form of a handful of pocket change: 3d6 copper and 1d6-3 silver pieces. However, if the supplicant is truly lucky (rolling a 100 on percentile dice) then Manidono's curiosity has been aroused and he will bless his follower according to the Reaction Table below.

Instructions for using Manidono's reaction table: Grab the closest die or dice at hand and roll. Just because the table has 100 entries doesn't mean you should roll percentile dice; sometimes Manidono just doesn't care enough to roll more than a 6-sider, you know? Just chill, dude.

Roll	Result
1	Dude. That's a major bummer. Manidono is bummed on your behalf. Everyone must succeed at a morale check or do nothing except sit around and be bummed out for 1d6 rounds.
2-3	Wait, what? Everyone in the vicinity loses a round as they figure out what just happened.
4-5	Here, have 1 hit point. It tastes like nachos.
6-7	So, like, stuff? A random piece of equipment worth no more than 50gp appears in your possession.
8-9	Aw, man, that sucks. Take a do-over and roll again.
10-11	That thing you don't like? Stop doing it. Restart the round from the beginning.
12-18	The spirit of half-assed effort fills the area. Everyone takes a -2 penalty to all rolls.
19-20	OK, like, everyone needs to just chill. Combat ends and everyone is returned to maximum hit points. Diplomacy is possible but everyone has the munchies.
21-99	Manidono has nothing better to do and appears next to his supplicant to "hang out for a bit." See below.
100	Manidono delivers you from your current dilemma by inviting you to hang out on his couch for a while. You disappear from wherever you are, reappearing 1d10 turns later. All of your wounds are healed but you have aged 2d10 years.

Adventurers who end up summoning Manidono must now deal with the presence of a slovenly, bored godling who shuffles along behind them. He does not help the party in any way ("I'm just here to hang out, dude, I'm not on the clock") but still consumes party resources such as food, water, bed space, etc. He will try to cooperate with the party's actions such as being stealthy or trying to appear inconspicuous, but will do so in such a half-assed manner that it might as well be failure.

Manidono never attacks, as that would be too much work. If attacked, he half-assedly defends himself (mostly by holding up his arm and saying "Ow! Quit it, dude!") and forces another roll on the reaction table. If the party persists in combat, Manidono disappears in a huff after taking more than half his hit points in damage, and forever after they will carry the Curse of Manidono – which will be really awesomely painful when he gets around to making it.

Manidono always appears as a large, unkempt man with stringy hair, stained clothes, and a strange odor about him. Imagine Hurley (from LOST) as a Greek God -- possibly Dionysus' slacker cousin -- and you've got the right idea.


Old-School Stats for those who are into that kind of thing

Movement: 90' (30')
Armor Class: 9
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 21 (7)
Attacks: Special
Damage: Special
Save: F7
Morale: 12
Hoard Class: V
XP: One. Seriously, you guys just whacked a stoner and you want a reward?

The original sketch I sent to Adam. Behold Manidono in his half-assed glory.

* Chaotic in the sense of entropic. It's a very lazy form of chaos.

Monday Gunday: Quote of the Year

Princess Celestia: Tool of Fate, Xanatos Gambiteer, or Gambling Addict?

OK, so I didn't get to the play-by-play of the MLP episode yet but I think you bronies are gonna love this. It's the result of some mad thinking between hardcore fans and I think it offers some very juicy ideas and ties a lot of concepts together.

It took place as an IM discussion so that's how I'll post it.

Him: O_o why are there tracks to a place that doesn't exist?

me: Huh?

Him: The train to the arctic north. Canada doesn't even have trains that go that far north. And we love trains!

me: Perhaps Celestia foresaw such an eventuality?

Him: Probably, she's pretty amazingly powerful and stuff.

me: And yet she needs 6 young ponies to solve crises?   I know, I know: she's grooming them to be her successors.

Him: I have no idea if that's what's going on there. She's setting Twi up for something, but part of me wants to believe that simple succession is too obvious.

(A pause in conversation occurs while I read something he emailed titled "A Mostly Accurate Summary of the History of Equestria" where he references Celestia and Luna finding the Elements of Harmony.)

me: Hm, that's something I'd not thought of. I had always assumed that Celestia had CRAFTED the Elements of Harmony. But wouldn't it be a kick if they existed before her?

Him: She actually said that she and Luna found them before facing down Discord.

me: Huh, I missed that. Which is interesting, because the EoH are, presently, optimized for 6. So either there are 4 alicorn princesses who are missing,
OR
the EoH are some degree of sentient and can re-configure themselves.

Him: Given that both Luna and Celestia are a thousand years old and don't look a day over 30, I'm pretty sure that they're probably kind of special.

me: No doubt, but I recall Twi asking why Cel and Luna couldn't defeat Discord again, like the last time, and Cel said something to the effect of "The Elements are keyed to you now." As in "They picked you"

Him: I would think of it as Celestia and Luna both having the Use Magic Item ability that 3e rogues had which let them emulate the appropriate factors to activate the elements, and because they're like level 40 bad-asses they can do it to 3 or even all 6 elements at once.

me: But that again begs the question, why have the Mane 6 fight Discord?

Him: Once the true vessels of Harmony were revealed, the EoH went from "Eh, you'll do" to "NO ONE BUT THE CHOSEN ONES"

me: So you're positing a divine destiny sort of thing.

Him: I actually honestly think that Celestia is surprised at the power of the Elements even though she used them before.

me: So the 6 aren't just exemplars, but avatars?

Him: I've always had that position. I kind of think the harnesses and crown are just foci anyway, and the real element is the ponies themselves. Kind of like the Dragon Scroll in Kung-fu Panda... the secret ingredient is that they're awesome.

me: Assuming this is true -- and I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you -- this means that all of Twi's existence has basically been a Xanatos Gambit by Celestia, because what are the odds that 5 of the 6 Avatars of Harmony are living in Ponyville?  Ergo, Celestia must have one hell of an intelligence network**, manipulating things such that all the avatars are in one handy place for her Chosen One.

Him: I say fate.

me: If you say fate, then Celestia is either incompetent or a gambler of such a level that she needs counseling. "Yes, all the prophecies indicate that my evil and immensely-powerful sister is going to escape and imprison me. I shall do fuck-all about it, except to send my student to Podunk Town in the hopes she figures out what to do in time." Sorry dude, I just don't buy that.

Him: I'm not sure that Celestia even knows what the ultimate purpose of the Elements really is. It's possible they exist for one specific task that will be the end of them.

Him: Well, it needs work. And actually, that four lost alicorn princesses thing kind of makes me think that the four lights that entered the moon in Mare in the Moon might have more significance.

me: ..... ooh. There's definitely plot potential there. If you'll pardon the pun.

Him:  Why would Celestia and Luna never mention these other Alicorns? Are they possibly Alicorn princes instead? Why would they wait 1000 years if they always intended to free Nightmare Moon? If they didn't intend to free her, what changed their minds?

me: Damn, I like the way your mind works.  Actually, let's go 3 princes and another princess, so there are an even number. Well, odd number really. But a MATCHING number.

Him: I like that. I have this sinister plot in my head but every way I try to work it, there's no reason to suppress the knowledge of other Alicorns that doesn't also throw Nightmare Moon under the bus - except Celestia's regret.

me: Make them like the Ringwraiths? Corrupted by Nightmare Moon's power, they became... VAMPONIES! Dun dun dunnnnnn!

Him:  Essentially the other alicorns betray Celestia (who is an utter paragon of Harmony) and try to throw her for a loop by corrupting Luna, clearly not expecting that Celestia would place the good of Equestria before the good of her sister, but if they're, essentially, the previous bearers of the Elements, how does Celestia use the Elements against Nightmare Moon? With all five of the bearers turned against her, how could she activate the magic?

me: I dunno, but here's a thought: What if Sombra was an alicorn? We don't see much of his body. His wings might be hidden under armor or robes or whatever.

Him I was just thinking that!

me: *brohoof*

Him: *brohoof*

me:Which... oh shit. OK, hang on... Cadence is an alicorn, whose cutie mark is a crystal heart, and now she lives in the Crystal Empire. Clearly, Cadence is Sombra's heir! IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

Him: My brain has exploded

me: MINE TOO!

Him: Okay, so I was just thinking, isn't Chrysalis also an Alicorn of a sort?

me: Yes, of a sort. Which reminds of something I saw on My Little Brony. Let me dig it up... Aha!  http://cheezburger.com/6990634240

Him: Oh my! Wait, wait... did Chrysalis maybe get a hold of Sombra and that's why his heart was black? Because she ate all his love?

me: Possibly! Or maybe Sombra used the love poison on her and it turned her evil.

Him: I'm... not quite getting the logic jump in this picture... or was Sombra trying to make Equestria unappetizing so Chrysalis would go somewhere else? And actually, if that's the case then those two things aren't incompatable either. Though he had no love, he still had a duty.

me: AHA!  http://i.imgur.com/BU3JMoY.png

Him: +1,000,000 internets

me: AND LOOK THE PRINCESS IN THE ILLUSTRATION IS AN ALICORN.

Him:  "The book states that a long time ago, an Earth prince had given an Alicorn princess the drink intending for it to make her fall in love with him. However, they were so lost in each other's eyes, they were unable to perform their duties, and their kingdom fell into ruin." Sombra is not an earth pony... unless that horn of his is something going horribly wrong.

 me: OK. So someone else corrputed Chrysalis. Fair enough. And she tried to seduce Sombra, so he turned all dark. It still works, it's just less romantically tragic.

Him:  There must be fallen kingdoms all over Equestria by now O_O

me:  It fits the genre.

Him: I think that both Chrysalis and Sombra will make a return. Oh... maybe that's why Celestia wanted to reform Discord? So that there would be some extra muscle for when they eventually did return!

me: Makes sense!

Him:  I'd really like to see Discord in the background of a few episodes, maybe with other ponies, so that we know he's making friends.

me: Okay. WOW. Good work.

Him: Wait, there's the Alicorn amulet. Where did that come from?

me: Good question.

Him: It honestly seems kind of evil

me:  There were theories it was Sombra's, and there's the chance his horn flew away in the explosion.

Him: His horn totally flew away. I remember thinking "That horn kind of didn't even seem to be damaged apart from the fact that it was no longer attached to a unicorn." Which... if the alicorn amulet works on anypony and not just unicorns, your tragic romance is back on.

me: And that reinforces my "Sombra is an alicorn" hypothesis.

Him: I had like, seven tabs of MLP episodes open for reference material earlier.  Just going to check on that horn thing.

(Time passes)

me: Talking to a brony on Facebook, and he made an interesting point: "The crystal empire city is a six-pointed star, and it acts as a magic circle that amplifies emotional energy and projects it over Equestria." To which I said, "Oooh! Civic-scale occultism!" *

me: He also said "This also is reflected in Twilight's cutie mark, a six-pointed star. It's like their version of a pentacle."

Him: I had an idea like that, the Crystal Empire was one of probably five or six locations all over Equestria of special magical significance. Probably six places, one per element, although if the Crystal Empire is specific to Love then the other locations are either also powered by love or other aspects of friendship not covered by the Elements.

me:  *ahem*  "LOVING kindness, it's an easy feat"

Him:  Yes, Sombra's horn is specifcally shown as being intact.  Hahaha XD Unless there are two stained glass windows of the Mane 6 defeating Nightmare Moon, they replaced the window of the element bearers with a window of Spike delivering the crystal heart.

me: hmmm

Him:  Waaaaait a second. What was the book that Luna summoned? I didn't see that last time. Tt had stars on it.

me: We don't know yet. But yes, very mysterious. With lots of meaningful looks between the sisters regarding it.

Him: It's probably something to do with what Luna and Cel were talking about before Twi showed up.

me: Yes.  And also why Cel was giving Twi more duties, and room to fail.

Him:  It's a book containing prophecies set down by Starswirl the Bearded... 

me: Could be!

Him: Starswirl is referenced in four episodes off the top of my head. Maybe it's only three. Luna Eclipsed, Hearth's warming eve, and It's About Time.

me: Still, it seems plausible.

* This would further explain why Celestia didn't want the Crystal Empire to fall; it was a matter of national security to Equestria.  And having the Captain of the Royal Guard marry the heir to the Crystal Empire is not only a smart political move, but also provides Celestia with constant intelligence about a potentially magical WMD.**


** From that same Facebook conversation I was having:

Other Him: So Princess Celestia is also that magnificent bastard Xanatos as well as being Sol Invictus?

me: That's my contention. Also, she has an incredible spy network, because: We have seen Pegasi Royal Guards, and we have seen Unicorn Royal Guards, but have we seen Earth Pony Royal Guards? (Okay, probably, but work with me here.)

Other Him: Yes, an army of spies. Just nomal looking folk. That's what the patrician of Ankh Morpok does, in Discworld. Just hires schmucks and gathers intel, then has professional spies sift through it. Also this is sorta supported in the show, what with Pinkie using stealth a lot. PINKIE SPY

me: "The name's Pie. Pinkie Pie."

Other Him:  It would explain her employment at Sugar Cube Corner, despite her never really doing any work.

If you're running a pony campaign and all these ideas do not set your mind to drooling with the possibilities, there is something wrong with you.

Pony Delay

Due to circumstances beyond my control my computer being a stroppy little shit who refused to cooperate until I opened its case, messed with its innards, and added a second drive to act as a dedicated pagefile, today's promised report on "MLP episode as playthrough of Unknown Ponies" is shelved  stabled until later tonight or tomorrow.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to execute an old hard drive in front of my computer in the hopes that it gets the message.