WNW: My Little Pony plays with Guns

 

Never forget to make your gun make the ch-chk noise, or else it won't gun properly.

For those curious, the audio is from a much longer (and much cringier) video here. 

Happy New Year, Everypony

https://www.deviantart.com/inuhoshi-to-darkpen/art/End-of-a-Decade-825365600

It's been a hell of a decade, gang.

I'm really going to miss this show.

Mhrry Chrhhfmif!

https://www.deviantart.com/nimbostratus/art/Merry-Derpmas-274619594

May the star upon your tree

Stand for friends, like you and me,

Blazing bright for all to see

Friendship's might for eternity!

WNW: My Little Swearing Ponies

For reasons I cannot explain, I find it hysterical when people dub swears onto MLP characters. I cannot explain this because, you, I maintain that these are wholesome children's characters and that is why I hate it when they are sexualized or depicted as injured, dead, or worse. They need to be innocent... and yet, I laugh like a loon when they curse. I can't explain it.

So with that said, let's start off with a classic which I may have posted here once before: Reggie Watts' Fuck Shit Stack dubbed over Fluttershy. Warning! Extremely NSFW Fluttercussing!




But that's just the appetizer, my friends. Now for the main course: actual NSFW bloopers from MLP's final episode! (Which I haven't yet seen, because I'm not yet ready for the series to end.)Let me tell you, Tabitha St. Germain drops some very potent bombs in this clip, and it's hilarious how smoothly such filth trips off Rarity's cultured tongue.




As much as I love Tabitha's "Fuck me [adjective]" lines, I am absolutely enamored of her use of the word "Ballsack!" as a vulgarity.




And as you can see, "millennium" is still giving her problems.




Sweet lord above, I love my fandom.

Riding Shotgun With Charlie

I had the privilege of being interviewed by many people at the Gun Rights Policy Conference last year. One of them was my friend Charlie Cook, who took time out of his busy schedule to get me into a car so I could "ride shotgun" during the interview.

The interview is broken into three parts, but I've embedded the playlist so they ought to play one after the other.

Enjoy!

Merry Christmas & Happy Hearth's Warming, Everypony!

May peace, happiness and contentment be delivered to your door this holiday season!

New (Leaked) MLP Opening Sequence

This was leaked last week, but I only found out about it today. There are probably very mild spoilers here, but since this is the opening sequence all of these was going to be revealed early on anyway.

So let's watch and then obsessively deconstruct it!



The first 12 seconds tell us a LOT:

1. There's a new building next to Twilight's Castle, and it looks kind of like a school.
2. There are a lot of secondary characters getting screen time, like Maude and Vinyl Scratch and Ember and Thorax.
3. Big Mac officially has a girlfriend now (I'm pretty sure that's Sugar Belle).
4. There's a seapony frolicking in the moat, meaning that the events of the MLP Movie are not only canon but are being integrated into the show.
5. Is that a Yak from Yakyakistan coming down the stairs?

[0:13]The big door with the "Twilight Seal" on it seems to confirm the idea that the new building is a school. Perhaps the Mane 6 are teachers there?

[0:16] Pinkie Pie is teaching a class -- Celestia help us -- and the students are VERY diverse as I count a hippogriff, griffon, pony, that yak again, a neu-changeling and what I think is a dragon. 

[0:18] Good to see that Rarity's business is continuing to do well. Hi, Sassy Saddles!

[0:19] Applejack is teaching students to applebuck? I see the griffon, hippogriff, yak and dragon again. 

[0:20] I see that Sweet Feather Sanctuary is doing well. I'm noticing a theme here: all of the girls have succeeded in life. 

[0:23] That looks very much like a class photo, with all the instructors in the front row, Twilight in the center, and Spike holding what looks like a coat of arms and which matches the design on the door. I'm almost positive that Twilight has opened some kind of "Friendship Academy" and the other Mane 6 are going to be teachers there at least part time. 

[0:26] It's about damn time that Luna got a throne of her own!

I confess that I am both intrigued and worried by the "exchange students". Intrigued because it gives the Friendship Academy depth and a "Xavier's School Meets Hogwarts" vibe; worried because the obvious differences between ponies and yaks, dragons, changelings and hippogriffs/seaponies likely means there's going to be a lot of episode time devoted to that... and that's bad only because it feels like our girls are being moved to the back seat while the next generation takes over the show. 

I am cautiously optimistic. There have been times that the show has done things which worried me (Twilight becoming a princess in season 3, the addition of Starlight Glimmer as a regular cast member) but so far the writers haven't screwed up and ruined the show so they get the benefit of the doubt. This season looks awesome; I'm going to have faith that it will in fact be awesome. 

Your Earworm Of The Day

I am quite frankly shocked that it took so long for this to happen.

My Little Pony the Movie: a Review

Executive Summary: Wait for it to come out on video.

Longer Review: This season's finale, the two part Shadow Play, was a much better story, despite being shorter and not having fancy CGI and famous voice actors. In fact, if MLPtM had spent less on aforementioned voice actors and CGI and spent more of that money on the story, it might have been better.

Bitchy Fan Review with Spoilers: The short version of the plot is that a traitor with undefined but potent powers comes to Equestria in order to subjugate it in return for promises made by the Big Bad. Said subjugation involves capturing all four Alicorn Princesses, draining them of their magic, and then using that magic to further empower the Big Bad. However, that plan is thwarted somewhat when Twilight Sparkle, with the help of her friends, escapes for a time. When all seems lost, however, the traitor realizes that the Big Bad never intended to live up to his promises, and so sides with the Mane Six in order to defeat him, after which the traitor is welcomed back into Equestrian society.

You know, I liked this story a lot better back when it was 2014's two-part season ender Twilight's Kingdom. 

Seriously. All that money, and they chose to spend it on giving the ponies sparkly irises and giving every damn thing a drop shadow rather than, oh I don't know, coming up with a new plot?

Plus, the songs just weren't that catchy, several allegedly smart characters made really dumb decisions (I call this "being given the idiot ball"), and several voice actors seemed to be in the film just to be there (Sia, I'm looking at you) instead of advancing the plot. Those who did advance the plot did so at the cost of making the Mane Six -- you know, the ponies who have saved the damn world multiple times -- look incompetent, and the less said about Capper the better.

Honestly, the ONLY good new character in this movie is Tempest Shadow, who actually managed to make a non-alicorn look powerful and menacing. Although while I'm on the subject, Equestria apparently needs a bunch of child psychologists, because unresolved childhood trauma seems to be the leading cause of unicorn villains in this universe.

Me as 3 Fictional Characters

I'm probably a week or two past the "this is still cool" date of this meme, but what the heck:

Herd Immunity Tee Shirts

My last Teespring campaign didn't succeed, but I'm giving it another chance. Not only are GunBlog PonyCast tees and hoodies available, but now, for the first time ever, are my "Concealed carry is herd immunity against crime" tees. You can get them in white text against bold backgrounds, and black text against light backgrounds.

http://tinyurl.com/humweuq

 And of course, my fabulous PonyCast tees are available in a rainbow of colors!

http://tinyurl.com/gv747xa

Get them now, because the campaign ends next Sunday!

http://tinyurl.com/zhobnvf

What Has Erin Been Up To Lately?

Sorry, all, I spent nearly all of Monday and a good chunk of Tuesday getting Blue Collar Prepping's Teespring store up and running. And then I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't it be a good idea to also have a store for yourself so people could buy t-shirts and the like branded with your own pony likeness?"

I thought that was a swell idea. And so, the GunBlog PonyCast store is now open for business! You can purchase tees, tanks, hoodies, sweats, mugs, tote bags and stickers, all bearing my delightful ponysona. The funds will go towards helping pay for me to attend various conventions, such as the Gun Right Policy Conference in Tampa in September and the NRA Annual Meeting in Atlanta next year.

Also, it's really going to cheese off Sean Sorrentino to see his podcast referred to as a PonyCast. ;)

Speaking of ponies, given both the popularity of "Force Sean to wear a pony to the Gun Rights Policy Conference" and my Blazing Sword initiative (which has successfully filed as a nonprofit in Florida and is now waiting for 501c3 status from FedGov), I've decided that my ponysona needed a rifle in her portrait.


Now I've always envisioned Powder Flash as being a gunpony; both her name and cutie mark involve combustible powder, and I've said from the start that she has a black powder rifle in her cottage in Ponyville, but I never thought to add one until recently.


Given how I seem to be at the forefront of helping LGBTQ people learning to shoot, and I have such an affection for MLP, it seems now is the time for my ponysona to arm herself.

Here's a picture I sent to the artist for reference:

So these are some rough drafts from the same artist who drew her. I'm basing the design off a Kentucky rifle (partly because of her sorta-kinda-coonskin cap and partly because Kentucky rifles are awesome), only with a bar trigger instead of a finger hook. (Because ponies don't have fingers, duh.)

So far, I really love the powder horn and the filigree (filly-gree?) on the rifle. The bar trigger looks good to me, but I'm not 100% certain on it and I'd like some feedback. As for the flintlock mechanism itself... I think the flintcock itself looks fine, but there's something funky about the frizzen that I can't quite explain. Feedback and advice are welcome and encouraged!

Help Me Ponify Sean Sorrentino aka Operation Briarpatch

Jeez, Erin, do you have to give a code name to everything you do?

Yes.

Why?

Because it makes me giggle!

So for those of you who don't know. on this week's GunBlog VarietyCast my co-host Sean Sorrentino said -- on the record, in front of everyone (around the 30 minute mark) -- that if someone gave him the required $500 to attend, he would wear a purple pony shirt of my own design.

I reckoned that he's probably need three shirts, since Florida is freaking hot this time of year and conventions are sweaty, and he probably didn't want to wear the same stanky t-shirt for all three days.

As it happens, either people really want Sean to attend, or they really want to embarrass him, because as of this writing we've already received enough donations to cover his plane ticket and our hotel room. So now it's fallen on me to make shirts for him.

Special Super Bon Bon sized thanks to Sean's friend John Doughty for using his awesome skills to not only create a ponysona for Sean, but also to design a lovely logo suitable for putting on a shirt! John has saved me a TON of time and the end result looks better than anything I would have made.

Also, be sure to go to my Facebook page to vote for a name for Sean's ponysona!

So now I'm sourcing shirts for Sean, and here's what I've come up with.

I can get three of these from Allied Shirts for $56.35 and free shipping. But while they're nice shirts, I get the feeling that Sean won't wear them very often. But I'd much rather get just two of them for $37.57, and have the third shirt be a nice embroidered polo, like this one from Queensboro:

Some of you may well be wondering "But Erin, why are you getting a nice embroidered polo when you can just get a third t-shirt and be done with it for $56.35?" And that is an excellent question.

If I don't get enough contributions, then that's what I'll do. But my reasoning here is twofold:

1. If we make it a very nice polo shirt, then Sean may not pay attention to the shirt he's putting on an inadvertently wear ponies to work or to a political function. And that will be HILARIOUS. 
2. To meet the $50 car minumum for embroidery, I'd need to add an additional shirt to the order. And honestly, I'd like to have a pony polo shirt as well, featuring my ponysona (Powder Flash) in complimentary colors. There's an evening reception the first day of the Gun Rights Policy Conference, and Sean and I would look quite spiffy wearing our "team uniforms". You want me to look spiffy, don't you?
   
   Besides, unlike Sean I'd wear mine all over the place, like to the NRA Annual Meeting or the Big 3 Media Event. And if I ever have another TV interview like I did with the BBC, I'd wear it then as well!

I realize that this nearly doubles our total, but the shirts are REALLY nice and Sean has promised to wear his to all day and even be filmed wearing it. So please donate to my t-shirt fund and I will have a really nice shirt and Sean can be publicly embarrassed!

Any additional money will go defray my food and gas costs to get there, and any extra after that will be donated to helping Charles "Dustbury" Hill with his medical expenses.

Thank you very much!

Gun Blog Variety Podcast #105 - Purple Ponies at the Gun Rights Policy Conference

Erin "Voodoo Princess Daintyhooves" continues her nefarious plot to turn everyone in the gunblog world into ponies. This time, it's Sean "Unicorn Rampant Sable" Sorrentino who has fallen into her hoofy clutches!

• The GunBlog VarietyCast is now a proud member of The Self Defense Radio Network.
• Beth gives us some good pointers for on how to take a date to the range.
• Why does he do it? No, not the "NC Teen who's been arrested dozens of times before being charged with murder;" why does Sean do the "Felons Behaving Badly" segment? We're glad you asked.
• It sounds like a science fiction movie, but it's actually evil website design. Barron tells us all about "Dark Patterns."
• In our main topic, Sean and Erin talk about the Gun Rights Policy Conference in Tampa, and Erin talks Sean into doing something he'll regret. 

Cunning likeness, wouldn't you agree?
 I'm thinking about calling him Purple Brash. 

This is a work in progress of Sean's ponysona, one of three shirts I'm going to make him wear (yes, a pony shirt for each day of the conference).

Would you like to embarrass Sean?

Send donations to the following link:

• Did you know that Erin has a YouTube channel? She does Apocabox unboxing videos. What's an Apocabox? Erin explains.
• Weer'd didn't want to leave out all the other anti-gun nuts at the Massachusetts AG press conference. It's their turn getting a Patented Weer'd Audio Fisk™.
• And our Plug of the Week is for NBC's TV show Aquarius.

Thank you for downloading, listening, and subscribing. You are subscribed, right? We are available on iTunes, Stitcher Radio, and now on Google Play Music!

Listen to the podcast here.

Read the show notes here. 

Thanks also to Firearms Policy Coalition for their support. Go to www.FirearmsPolicy.org to join.

And a special thanks to our sponsor, Law of Self Defense at www.LawOfSelfDefense.com Use discount code "Variety" at checkout for 10% off.

Upcoming Law of Self Defense Seminars:

• September 10 - Alabama specific - Talladega, AL
• September 17 - Minnesota & Wisconsin specific - La Crosse, WI
• October 1 - Pennsylvania & New Jersey specific - Bensalem, PA
• October 15 - New York specific - Poughkeepsie, NY
• October 22 - Iowa specific - Johnston, IA
• October 23 - Iowa specific - Central City, IA
• November 5 - Oregon and Washington specific - Sherwood, OR

Can't We Please Vote For the Pony?

Can we PLEASE vote Princess Twilight Sparkle for President? I guarantee you she'll do a better job than any of the other candidates.

Artist: Pixelkitties

In fact, here's the lineup for the Equestrian Party:

President: Twilight Sparkle 

She's a Princess. She knows magic. She loves to read. She's OCD about rules and procedure. We're guaranteed to have the smartest, most ethical President in history. 

Vice President: Pinkie Pie

The Vice Presidency is pretty much a joke these days, and VPs mainly go to funerals, parties, and other functions that the President can't or wont attend. If it's a joke and it's a party, that means Pinkie Pie!

Secretary of State: Rarity

Daaahling, please! She's smooth, she's cultured, she speaks with a Mid-Atlantic accent so that she sounds European enough to win people over, but she can also be tough as nails when necessary. Isn't it time that America looks good on the foreign stage again?

Secretary of the Treasury: Applejack

She's honest. If that alone doesn't qualify her to manage our nation's money, there's also the fact that she's a hard worker and knows the value of a buck (pun gleefully intended). (Her brother Big McIntosh would make an excellent Secretary of Labor, and her grandmother Granny Smith for Secretary of the Interior.)

Secretary of Defense: Rainbow Dash

Aggressive, but a team player. Has the heart of a warrior but knows enough to listen to the wisdom of others. Plus, she can perform a totally sweet Sonic Rainboom. 

Secretary of the Interior: Fluttershy

Fluttershy is a friend to all animals, so naturally she will want to take care of them. But she's also kind enough to realize that humans have to be treated fairly as well. Plus, she can stare down a freaking dragon, meaning she's tough on pollution. 

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Zecora the Zebra

If you want to keep your people well,

You'll hearken to Zecora's spell. 

Her potions will help cure what ails ya, 

Even the bird flu from Southeast Asia. 

Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security: Special Agent Sweetie Drops

She's a skilled agent from an elite, secret agency dedicated to hunting and imprisoning monsters. Fighting terrorists and keeping America safe ought to be a snap for her. 

and finally, White House Press Secretary: 

Spike the Baby Dragon

Because it's not like he could do the job any worse than the last few people who had the job. 

Speaking of Ludicrousness...

... Happy St. Paddock's, everypony!

In Which I Have Strong Feelings About the MLP Season Ender

Earlier this year, Salem took a page from my playbook and talked about the Season 5 opener of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This two-part episode was a remarkable thing, as it effectively took social justice warriors seeking enforced equality of outcome and cast them into a talking cartoon pony version of the East German Stasi.

I mean, just watch this video and shudder at such lyrics as You can't have a nightmare/ If you never dream.



You know... for kids!

As it turns out, the Glorious Leader of Our Town and villain of the episode -- one Starlight Glimmer* -- has been showing up in the backgrounds of various episodes this season, and so it comes as no surprise that she should re-appear as the Big Bad for the season ender as well. So far, all is good.

(I will spare you the synopsis and assume that if you're reading this then you saw the episode. However, if you haven't but want to know what I'm talking about, go here and start reading.)

What was not so good is how the ending just sort of... happened. As The_Jack wrote on my Facebook,

I liked the time travel and how it showed all the alt-ponies and the ways the present could have gone wrong. But man... that reform was too neat and tacked on.

Now lest you think I am expecting too much from a cartoon aimed at preteen girls and meant to drive toy sales, I first direct you to watch the aforementioned season opener again and marvel at how the story, while accessible by children, carries a message that is meaningful and relevant to adults.

Then I ask you to look at this summation of alternate dystopian timelines as a result of Bitchicorn Starlight Glimmer mucking around with causality:

http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1047457-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic

What you are seeing here are dystopias. Kid-friendly dystopias, to be sure, but the fact remains that each and every one of them are great examples of places you wouldn't want to live. These are mature concepts made accessible by cartoon sensibilities. Fairly heady stuff, and one of the reasons I'm a big fan of the show.

The ending, however, was basically... this:

http://geek.cheezburger.com/bronies/share/8589520384

Yeah... that doesn't track with me, especially since Starlight Glimmer's end goal was this:

http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1047796-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic

So with that in mind, here is my big rant on why I didn't like the too-tidy ending, how it was broken, and how it should have gone.

First of all, Starlight Glimmer has some sort of pathology -- sociopath, psychopath, I don't know for certain, but anyone who 1) is incapable of making friends without emotionally manipulating them and 2) basically says "I don't care about the future, I just want to hurt you" is some version of insane, callous, or other severe dysfunction.

Second, I have issues with the whole "Every time Twilight goes back in time, so does Starlight in order to thwart her" because it raises the logical question of "Where does Starlight go when Twilight is sent to the new timeline?" There are various possibly handwave-y answers to this, but they seem to reduce to either "Starlight Glimmer is willing to permanently strand herself in the past in order to keep enacting her revenge, which means she's psychotically crazy" or "Starlight Glimmer also returns to the new timeline but is unable or unwilling to see the consequences of her actions, which means she's delusionally crazy."

Third, Twilight is the Princess of Friendship. In this universe, it has been proven empirically that Friendship is literally Magic, which means that she's Princess of Magic as well. I have a really hard time accepting that mere unicorn Starlight Glimmer (with some undefined cutie mark) could out-magic the Alicorn Princess of Magic (who also has a magic cutie mark). That's akin to saying "This unicorn over here with a sun-shaped cutie mark is better at raising the sun than Celestia, the Alicorn Princess of the Sun." I'm sorry, but NO.

Fourth, here is how it should have ended: Twilight, realizing that Starlight Glimmer is pathological, decides that she needs to go back in time and prevent the childhood trauma from happening (basically, a pony version of Let's Kill Baby Hitler). So Twilight uses her special talent in magic -- remember, she was promoted to princess when she fixed a spell that Starswirl the Gandalf Bearded couldn't do -- to modify this other Starswirl spell and goes back to Starlight Glimmer's past. There, Twilight shows her how to make new friends, and halts the creation of the nascent sociopath.** Starlight Glimmer makes new friends and understands that friendship is the most powerful magic of all. Bam, problem solved in a proper pony manner and it makes sense.

Finally, let's say the writers really wanted that ending. OK, that still isn't a problem: just replace Starlight Glimmer with The Great And Powerful Trixie. This actually makes narrative sense, you see, as Trixie has a longstanding magical feud with Twilight (see Boast Busters  and Magic Duel), and she's demonstrated both an ability and willingness to find things which give her a magical edge (like the Alicorn Amulet).

If they'd used her instead of Starlight Glimmer, it would have changed the thrust of the episode from a stalkerish "I hate you and will do everything I can to ruin you" to "I'm going to prove once and for all that Trixie is the greatest!"

Which would mean the end conditions would change: all Twilight would have to do is admit that yes, Trixie beat her this time and Trixie is indeed both Great and Powerful, but The Great And Powerful Trixie's ego is turning the future of Equestria into a horrifying uninhabitable wasteland, so would she please stop screwing around with time? And Trixie, because she isn't an utter sociopath, accepts.

Either of these endings would have been preferable to the one we saw on screen. This matters to me because I have this terrible sneaking fear, given the final scenes of this season and the fact that the girls have been a unicorn short ever since Twilight was alicorned, that Starlight Glimmer will join the cast next season.

If it were Trixie, I'd be okay with it. The fans like her -- I like her -- and while she has an ego the size of an Ursa Major, she's not a bad pony and can easily be redeemed by the Avatars of Harmony. 

Starlight Glimmer, though -- is she actually redeemed? Or has she just been temporarily mollified by having been given what she wants, which is unconditional love? I think it's the latter, because I haven't seen any evidence that  she truly learned her lesson and has turned her back on her mandate of Enforced Equality For All. 

She's a ticking time bomb. And if she sticks around, Twilight and the others better keep not turn their backs on her.


* As Dustbury said back in the spring, "If you're a unicorn with a name based on a time of day, you're probably overpowered."

** It was asked "How come Starlight Glimmer's parents -- I assume she didn't arrive via parthenogenesis -- never saw this little ball of resentment growing? Unless they just didn't give a flip." Based on her actions and sense of entitlement, I'm guessing that their special snowflake could do no wrong in their eyes, and was likely an only child.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everypony!

May your day be full of food, festivities, and friendship.

I'm taking the rest of the day off

Enjoy your celebration of work by playing all day, everypony!

Traveller Tuesday: My Little Tyafelm

About this time last month, a fellow on the Traveller Facebook group talked about turning characters from The Wizard of Oz into Traveller PCs. This, naturally, got me to thinking about statting up one of my favorite shows...

My use of Traveller setting and dress falls under
fair use guidelines for both Mongoose and Far Future Enterprises.

My Little Droynie
My Little Droynie
Ah ah ah ah....
My Little Droynie
I used to wonder what tyafelm could be
My Little Droynie
Until you shared iskyar with me!

Twilight Sparkle
Leader caste. Smartest and with the strongest magical psi powers of them all, Twilight is the natural leader of the group. (Princess Celestia, her mentor, easily fits the mold of Yaskoydray, and Spike makes an obvious un-casted chirper.)




Rarity
Sport caste. She is clearly the most diplomatic of all the ponies, and is most likely to go off for solo adventures.

Pinkie Pie
Drone caste. Pinkie is all about community -- she knows the names and birthdays of everypony within ponyville, knows what everypony likes/loves/needs, and throws coming of age parties. Clearly she'd run casting ceremonies for young Droyne.

Fluttershy
Technician caste. A bit of a stretch, this one, but Flutters is well-versed in biology, ecology, and veterinary medicine, and technicians are the ones most schooled in the hard sciences.

Rainbow Dash
Warrior caste. 'Nuff said.

Applejack
Worker caste. She doesn't just value honesty and hard work, she THRIVES on it, and will work to exhaustion to help others.


Turn their various magical powers into psi talents (Rarity and Twilight have Telekinesis, Twilight has Teleportation, Fluttershy has high levels of Telepathy for use on animals, Dashie and AJ have Awareness to boost their physical stats, and only Yaskoydray knows what Pinkie has that allows her to break the 4th wall like that) and it actually works rather well to be honest...