Wednesday, December 5, 2007

WNW: Silver lamé bodysuits for everyone!

Sayeth Eddie Izzard:
"It's a big circle. There are a lot of circles in the world. Things join up in the back in a bizarre way. Madness and genius, extreme right wing and extreme left wing politics, and fashion. [makes a circle with his hand] Over here on this side of the circle you've got looking like a dickhead. On the other part [going around the circle] you've got kind of average looking, and then cool... Cool, hip and groovy... Looking like a dickhead. The cutting edge of cool, hip and groovy is right at looking like a dickhead. But the looking like a dickhead people don't realize they're right next to cool, hip and groovy. It's very hard to back into cool, hip and groovy. I personally cruise that back corner..."
(From his Definite Article album)

With that in mind, I give you Sarah Brightman & Hot Gossip singing
I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper.

Make no mistake about it: this is awful. So awful, in fact, that it somehow manages the impossible and backs into being cool, hip, and groovy again. It's still awful, of course, but at the same time it manages to be hilarious and awesome. I believe the proper term for this is "campy".

I refuse to apologize for my love of this video, because it has:
  1. Bare-chested men tossing glitter;
  2. Women doing the "Egyptian";
  3. Both genders doing the "Robot" (badly);
  4. A fully-clothed woman doing the shimmy on a half-naked man with no reaction from him whatsoever;
  5. Clumsy attempts at suggested lesbianism;
  6. Spastic dancing which isn't quite disco and isn't quite tap, and for all the world looks like an epileptic seizure;
  7. A cast full of bored-looking people when the song is about sex in space;
  8. Reasonably realistic pilot chatter when the rest of the lyrics are utter twaddle;
  9. Sarah Brightman in perhaps her worst role ever, complete with "sexy" hair pulling, extreme close-ups, and bendy-ness;
  10. Those things they carry during their robotic parade. Are they small barbells? Are they maracas? Are they microphones? Or are they in fact space-age dildoes?
And Sweet Buttery Eris, they're being completely serious the whole time.

This video is everything that was great about 1978, in 4 minutes 17 seconds.

Now I have a hankering to run a science fiction RPG (like Traveller) using all this wonderfully crazy stuff. Silver lamé bodysuits for everyone!


  1. Why would I want a lame bodysuit? Can't I get a cool one instead? You're just trying to make your own wardrobe seem ginchy in comparison, aren't you, Palette?

  2. Oh Troy.

    You're lame no matter WHAT you wear!


  3. Oh yeah, can't you just picture me. 6'5", 220lbs (picture a guy with a skinny build but now with a bit of a belly) in a silver lamé bodysuit.

    Everyone would be so jealous of my awe inspiring fashion statement =)

    What would top it off would be some 5" heels. Yeah, that would be perfect (assuming could find some in my size). Heheh

  4. There's heels in everyone's size. Just ask Gene Simmons.

    This video is unforgivably cool. I remember, back in the early days of Napster (I had one of the first banned accounts, btw!) doing a search on Sarah Brightman, because I'd heard some of her stuff whilst living across the pond.

    I found this. This was well after Deliver Me, well after her stint on Phantom (where the role of Christine Daae had been written for her), Not long after Harem had been released, and I found myself listening to Starship Trooper. I was immediately smitten.

  5. This got me in such a mood to watch "Battle Beyond the Stars" again.

    If you don't know what "Battle Beyond the Stars" is. B-movie Remake of Seven Samurai, meets Star wars with a cheese/camp factor worthy of MST3K.

    A tiiiny budget but some freaking big names doing one of their first gigs here. James Horner as the composer and James Cameron as an Art Director.

  6. I think you also just described Blake's 7, bunny..


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