Z Kit: The Crovel

It's been a long time since I did a Z Kit, and as May is Zombie Awareness Month it's the perfect time to restart this semi-regular series. Kicking us off is a tool that looks more likely to appear in Left 4 Dead 3 than in real life.

Behold the Crovel!

Crowbar + Shovel + Asskicking = Awesome

I don't know about you folks, but as far as I'm concerned the only way the Crovel could be any more exciting would be if they managed to attach Batman to it. In fact, it is an article of faith for me that Batman has one of these in the Batmobile's trunk. 

Weighing it at 5.5 pounds, this beast is more than just a shovel and a crowbar. So, so much more. According to this graphic, you can use it as:
 

 

• axe
• crowbar
• shovel
• hoe (no you are!)
• hammer
• nail puller
• knife
• cleaver
• saw
• machete
• bottle opener
• grappling hook
• chair

Plus there's  15 feet of paracord wrapped around the handle, so if you wanted, you could whirl it over your head and have a 15 foot-long Flail of Doooooooom. Not only could you cut off multiple zombie heads at range, you'd also terrify the crap out of human opponents who would take one look at you and question your sanity.

There are, however, drawbacks to the Crovel. It's not small -- 19 inches when folded -- and at $85 it's freaking expensive. On the other hand, it does save both space and weight when compared to the tools that do what it does.

But let's be frank. The real reason people will get this is because it's awesomely scary-looking. It probably also serves as a penis extension, which is a good thing since I imagine it's frighteningly easy to cut your bits off when using its sharpened edges as a chair.