WNW: 5 Reasons It Sucks Being a Joss Whedon Fan

It should be noted that while I am generally a fan of everything Whedon has made, I'm perfectly capable of admitting that not everything he writes is gold.

In fact, sometimes *cough AlienResurrection cough*, it is shit.

Therefore, because it's been over a year since I made rabid Whedon fans shit themselves in anger, I am pleased to present:

5 Reasons It Sucks Being a Joss Whedon Fan

#5. He Will Slaughter Everything That Makes You Happy Inside

Firefly fans loved Wash. Who didn't love Wash? Joss rammed a tree trunk through his chest for no reason. Penny from Dr. Horrible might be the most innocent, sweet natured girl Whedon's ever written. She ends Dr. Horrible bleeding out with a chunk of shrapnel stuck in her body, Normandy Beach style. Why? There is only one real lesson in Whedonland, and it's that loving cool people is dangerous because someone's probably gonna shove a flaming rock into their skull.

In fact, this is the only way Whedon characters achieve growth. It's a recognized cliche amongst his fanbase: If someone makes you happy when you see them onscreen, grab your balls, because he's going to lacerate them heavily. Sometimes I don't mind a good nut-stabbing. I like The Wire, I like Battlestar Galactica. But sometimes I just wanna sit back and watch Doogie Howser sing songs about horsies into his webcam. It's at those times that I'd rather Joss Whedon not pop up like the "Toasty!" guy from Mortal Kombat and pulp my yambag with senseless death.

The other 4 reasons can be found here.

If you're offended by this, you are cordially invited to post toxic, hate-filled rants in the comments section below. Just know that your burning hatred will keep me warm as I giggle myself to sleep tonight.

No Doll in this House

Dollhouse premieres tonight, but I won't be watching it.

Not because I don't like the premise, because I do. I like Joss Whedon, too, even though he does terrible, horrible things to beloved characters. And Eliza Dushku always brings the sexay to anything she's in.

No, I refuse to watch this show because it's on FOX. You may recall them as the network that seems committed to smothering new shows before they develop:

• Harsh Realm
• Brimstone
  
• Wonderfalls
• Point Pleasant
  
• Drive
  
• and, of course, Firefly

(Now I'm not claiming that all of these series were good; in fact, I didn't even see some of them. The point remains, however, that FOX has a track recording for developing geek-friendly shows and then canning them before they've found their legs.)

And this doesn't even count the series that managed to last over 13 episodes before being cancelled, like Tru Calling or Arrested Development or Dark Angel. I still expect The Sarah Connor Chronicles to get canned any moment now, seeing as it (and Dollhouse) occupies the Friday Night Death Slot.

And it's premiering on Friday the 13th, no less. Could this show possibly be born under an unluckier star?

(Well, yes.)

So in light of this, I will not watch Dollhouse, and will not until the following occurs:

1. It runs for a full season.
   
2. Its first season is released on DVD.
   
3. It is renewed for a second full season.
   

You're free to tell me I'm being an ass about this, but I'm tired of having my heart broken. It's not like I'm a Nielsen Femily member or something, so the success of the show is entirely independent of whether or not I watch it. I knew Drive would be cancelled, and it was; I think this one will be, too, even though I hope it won't.

Tho those folks who are brave enough to watch it: Enjoy. I mean it; there is no sarcasm. But I know that I cannot enjoy it, because in the back of my head there will be a little voice that says "If you like this show, then FOX will cancel it."

I'd like to conclude this post with a message to Joss Whedon.

Dear Joss,

After Firefly was cancelled, you once swore that you would never, ever, work for FOX again, and yet here you are.

Yes, I know that they have given you a contract for multiple episodes. I seem to recall they did the same thing for Firefly.

So while I sincerely wish you and your show well, IF Dollhouse is cancelled, don't have the gall to be surprised.

Love,
Erin Palette

A More Horrible Ending

Fair warning: I'm going to assume that anyone who wanted to watch Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog has already done so. If you haven't, you're too late, since it only ran for a week and it's since been pulled. If you want to see it, then buy it on iTunes or wait for the DVD to come out or torrent it.

Which is a longwinded way of saying "Here there be spoilers."

Now, I think the vast majority of us will agree that, as a whole, the DHSAB project was excellent. (Who knew Neil Patrick Harris could sing? Not I.) I believe we are also in similar agreement that Acts 1 and 2 were near-perfect.

The problem, however, comes with Act 3.

Really, at this point anyone who is surprised by Joss brutally slaughtering an innocent, beloved character has only themselves to blame. And yet, the interblogwebosphere is aglow with thousands of flames, as if an oilfield of fandom was ablaze with thick, viscous clouds of "OMG HOW COULD YOU JOSS" or "Her death totally undermines her status as a strong feminist character" or "Blah blah blah rattle pootie tootie" rising into the sky, their acrid odor choking all observers.

As you may have guessed, I too have some problems with the execution of Act 3. I also think Joss fumbled a critical scene -- but not in the way you think I think he did. My thoughts, let me show you them:

Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is, fundamentally, about loss of innocence. Some salient points, below, and then my rewrite of the scene.


Act 1

• Our protagonist is named Billy -- not Bill, not William, but Billy, a child's name.
• His alternate persona, Doctor Horrible, dresses entirely in white, the color of purity. (If you wanted to get really fancy, you could mention that while he has black goggles, they sit, unused, on his forehead instead of being worn properly. This is indicative of the dark future which looms over him but has yet to claim him.)
  
• Captain Hammer, however, is dressed in blacks and browns, shades associated with corruption.
• Based on all of this, and the way both interact with Penny, it could be reasonably inferred that Billy is a virgin, and Captain Hammer clearly isn't. Billy = white gloves = innocent; Captain Hammer = black gloves = not at all innocent. In fact, it's hard to find a single redeeming quality about ol' Hammer.

Act 2

• At this point we can see the beginning of Billy's change to "true" evil. The man who in the first act refused to fight someone in Dooley Park "because there's kids there" is now opening wondering, in song, if "throwing poison in the water main" would change anything in the way the human race behaves. He even states outright that "It's plain to see/ evil inside of me/ is on the rise."
  
• Instead of objecting to murder on moral grounds, his arguments turn toward style. "Killing's not elegant or creative." He's already on the slippery slope.
• And then, during the confrontation with Hammer in the laundromat, you can practically see the change come over him as he decides that, yes, murder is his style after all:
  

  It's a brand new day
  And the sun is high
  All the birds are singing
  That you're gonna die
  How I hesitated
  Now I wonder why
  It's a brand new day

• This is also the first time that Billy self-identifies as "evil".

Act 3

Given all that has transpired in the previous acts, two things are clear: One, Billy fully intends to kill Captain Hammer; and Two, he has to psych himself up to do it. Billy is not at all cool and calculating when it comes to murder, which is possibly the entire point of the "Slipping" song -- he's getting into character, as it were, working up the necessary rage toward his enemy -- otherwise, he'd just kill him and have done with it all.

But then there's that scene where shrapnel from the exploding death ray kills Penny, and while it's powerful, it doesn't organically complete the arc of character development we've been evolving throughout the previous acts. No, Billy is all set to kill his nemesis, the freeze ray malfunctions, and suddenly this story about loss of innocence and the conscious embrace of evil has its biggest moment subverted by malfunctioning equipment.

That's a cheat. The story of Billy and Penny deserves better than that. Here, then, is how I would have done it:

Billy: (singing) It's gonna be bloody/ Head up Billy buddy/ There’s no time for mercy/ Here goes no mercy...

[Enter stage right Penny, who runs between Billy and Captain Hammer]

Penny: Billy, stop!

Billy: Penny, what are you.... wait, Billy? How did you... ?

Penny: [indicating the goggles on his face] Well, it's not like you wear a mask.

Billy: Oh.

Penny: And you have a video blog.

Billy: Right.

Penny: And...

Billy: (interrupting) I get it!

Penny: But even though I knew you were Dr. Horrible, I was still your friend. Because I could see the good inside of you. You have a good heart, Billy, you're just misguided. I hoped that, by being your friend, maybe I could turn your villainous impulses into something more constructive. More... good.
Billy: (speechless)

Penny: But if you kill Captain Hammer -- if you commit murder, Billy -- then I can never, ever be your friend again.

[At this point, Billy goes into another verse of "Slipping". I won't pretend that I can write believable lyrics, but they should convey the mixed emotions he feels. Because, whatever he does, he loses. If he does as Penny asks, then the woman he loves go off with his greatest enemy, and he doesn't get into the E.L.E, and Bad Horse will probably kill him. But if he kills Hammer, then once again he loses Penny, and worse, she hates him for the rest of her life.

So, mad with passion and obsession and regret, he makes the only choice he feels he can make. It isn't a logical choice, of course -- the lyrics and the singer must make this clear -- but it the choice of a man with thwarted desires and a broken heart and more than just a little anger.]

Billy: (resuming his place after the song) I'm sorry, Penny. I'm really sorry it has to end like this. But... I'm Dr. Horrible, after all.

Penny: What do you...

[Billy SHOOTS HER DEAD.]

Billy: ...

[Penny slumps to the floor. Billy takes aim at the still-frozen Captain Hammer. The Freeze Ray shuts down. The scene continues essentially as it did before, just minus the last words with Penny. After Captain Hammer flees the scene, the reality of the situation sinks in, and Billy picks up the lifeless Penny while singing "Everything I Ever."]

With this, the final scenes become more poignant and more relevant:

"Now the nightmare's real." Yes, but whose nightmare?

"Now Dr. Horrible is here." With the death of Penny, Billy is gone... only Dr. Horrible remains. He sheds his virginal white and garbs himself in red and black, the colors of death. For the first time, he puts the goggles over his eyes, covering the traditional "windows to the soul" with opaque black glass.

"And I won't feel...." Because he is a true villain now. Instead of having been granted his wish through comic misadventure, the conscious choice to kill Penny -- even in the heat of the moment, even if it was a decision he would not have made were he thinking clearly -- cleanly and logically closes the character arc. He's no longer pure.

As the chorus intones, he has "Everything he ever [wanted]."

"... a thing." And yet, in that same instant, he's lost everything. Innocence, purity... his soul.



EDIT:

Jesus, people.

I do not need 20+ posts telling me "ZOMG U GOT IT WRONG."

At this point, you're just rehashing the same old points over and over again.

And nothing you say will make me change my mind, either.

I respect your opinions. Kindly respect mine.


SECOND EDIT, MARCH 2011:

Enough is enough. It's been three years, and I'm still getting hate mail about this post. I'm mature enough as a writer to take criticism of my work, but I'm tired of the personal attacks. Therefore, I'm closing comments. If you want to see the kind of abuse I've been getting, go check out Unholy Ram's comment, which has been left as an illustrative example.

Putting the Sing-Along in "Sing-Along Blog"

Lyrics for the first 2 Acts can be found here!

So Horrible, I had to watch it twice

No, seriously, this this is awesomesauce on awesometoast.

Toasted in an awesometoaster.

With extra awesome.





Act 2, now playing!

WNW: A Horrible Story

An open letter to Joss Whedon

Dear Joss,

I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

Love,
Erin Palette.

RAC: Official Whitefall Press Release

For those of you gorram no-good Yi Dwei Da Buen Chuo Roh who thought I was lying when I said that Whitefall had been acquired by QMx , I present you with this:


Yes, I know what he's working on for QMx.

No, I don't have any proof.... yet.

But I can tell you this much: you know how jaw-droppingly shiny the Serenity blueprints were?

This new project is better.

Bowel-looseningly better.

Hand to God.


Also, you can bid for a dinner with Joss on eBay.

I Am Dua Khalil

I can't believe I missed this back in May, but it's still important and relevant. Quoted from Whedonesque in case some of you folks don't follow links:

Let's Watch A Girl Get Beaten To Death.

This is not my blog, but I don’t have a blog, or a space, and I’d like to be heard for a bit.

Last month seventeen year old Dua Khalil was pulled into a crowd of young men, some of them (the instigators) family, who then kicked and stoned her to death. This is an example of the breath-taking oxymoron “honor killing”, in which a family member (almost always female) is murdered for some religious or ethical transgression. Dua Khalil, who was of the Yazidi faith, had been seen in the company of a Sunni Muslim, and possibly suspected of having married him or converted. That she was torturously murdered for this is not, in fact, a particularly uncommon story. But now you can watch the action up close on CNN. Because as the girl was on the ground trying to get up, her face nothing but red, the few in the group of more than twenty men who were not busy kicking her and hurling stones at her were filming the event with their camera-phones.

There were security officers standing outside the area doing nothing, but the footage of the murder was taken – by more than one phone – from the front row. Which means whoever shot it did so not to record the horror of the event, but to commemorate it. To share it. Because it was cool.

I could start a rant about the level to which we have become desensitized to violence, about the evils of the voyeuristic digital world in which everything is shown and everything is game, but honestly, it’s been said. And I certainly have no jingoistic cultural agenda. I like to think that in America this would be considered unbearably appalling, that Kitty Genovese is still remembered, that we are more evolved. But coincidentally, right before I stumbled on this vid I watched the trailer for “Captivity”.

A few of you may know that I took public exception to the billboard campaign for this film, which showed a concise narrative of the kidnapping, torture and murder of a sexy young woman. I wanted to see if the film was perhaps more substantial (especially given the fact that it was directed by “The Killing Fields” Roland Joffe) than the exploitive ad campaign had painted it. The trailer resembles nothing so much as the CNN story on Dua Khalil. Pretty much all you learn is that Elisha Cuthbert is beautiful, then kidnapped, inventively, repeatedly and horrifically tortured, and that the first thing she screams is “I’m sorry”.

“I’m sorry.”

What is wrong with women?

I mean wrong. Physically. Spiritually. Something unnatural, something destructive, something that needs to be corrected.

How did more than half the people in the world come out incorrectly? I have spent a good part of my life trying to do that math, and I’m no closer to a viable equation. And I have yet to find a culture that doesn’t buy into it. Women’s inferiority – in fact, their malevolence -- is as ingrained in American popular culture as it is anywhere they’re sporting burkhas. I find it in movies, I hear it in the jokes of colleagues, I see it plastered on billboards, and not just the ones for horror movies. Women are weak. Women are manipulative. Women are somehow morally unfinished. (Objectification: another tangential rant avoided.) And the logical extension of this line of thinking is that women are, at the very least, expendable.

I try to think how we got here. The theory I developed in college (shared by many I’m sure) is one I have yet to beat: Womb Envy. Biology: women are generally smaller and weaker than men. But they’re also much tougher. Put simply, men are strong enough to overpower a woman and propagate. Women are tough enough to have and nurture children, with or without the aid of a man. Oh, and they’ve also got the equipment to do that, to be part of the life cycle, to create and bond in a way no man ever really will. Somewhere a long time ago a bunch of men got together and said, “If all we do is hunt and gather, let’s make hunting and gathering the awesomest achievement, and let’s make childbirth kinda weak and shameful.” It’s a rather silly simplification, but I believe on a mass, unconscious level, it’s entirely true. How else to explain the fact that cultures who would die to eradicate each other have always agreed on one issue? That every popular religion puts restrictions on women’s behavior that are practically untenable? That the act of being a free, attractive, self-assertive woman is punishable by torture and death? In the case of this upcoming torture-porn, fictional. In the case of Dua Khalil, mundanely, unthinkably real. And both available for your viewing pleasure.

It’s safe to say that I’ve snapped. That something broke, like one of those robots you can conquer with a logical conundrum. All my life I’ve looked at this faulty equation, trying to understand, and I’ve shorted out. I don’t pretend to be a great guy; I know really really well about objectification, trust me. And I’m not for a second going down the “women are saints” route – that just leads to more stone-throwing (and occasional Joan-burning). I just think there is the staggering imbalance in the world that we all just take for granted. If we were all told the sky was evil, or at best a little embarrassing, and we ought not look at it, wouldn’t that tradition eventually fall apart? (I was going to use ‘trees’ as my example, but at the rate we’re getting rid of them I’m pretty sure we really do think they’re evil. See how all rants become one?)

Now those of you who frequent this site are, in my wildly biased opinion, fairly evolved. You may hear nothing new here. You may be way ahead of me. But I can’t contain my despair, for Dua Khalil, for humanity, for the world we’re shaping. Those of you who have followed the link I set up know that it doesn’t bring you to a video of a murder. It brings you to a place of sanity, of people who have never stopped asking the question of what is wrong with this world and have set about trying to change the answer. Because it’s no longer enough to be a decent person. It’s no longer enough to shake our heads and make concerned grimaces at the news. True enlightened activism is the only thing that can save humanity from itself. I’ve always had a bent towards apocalyptic fiction, and I’m beginning to understand why. I look and I see the earth in flames. Her face was nothing but red.

All I ask is this: Do something. Try something. Speaking out, showing up, writing a letter, a check, a strongly worded e-mail. Pick a cause – there are few unworthy ones. And nudge yourself past the brink of tacit support to action. Once a month, once a year, or just once. If you can’t think of what to do, there is this handy link. Even just learning enough about a subject so you can speak against an opponent eloquently makes you an unusual personage. Start with that. Any one of you would have cried out, would have intervened, had you been in that crowd in Bashiqa. Well thanks to digital technology, you’re all in it now.

I have never had any faith in humanity. But I will give us props on this: if we can evolve, invent and theorize our way into the technologically magical, culturally diverse and artistically magnificent race we are and still get people to buy the idiotic idea that half of us are inferior, we’re pretty amazing. Let our next sleight of hand be to make that myth disappear.

The sky isn’t evil. Try looking up.

Now go here and buy a T-shirt, where the proceeds go to Equality Now. Or just contribute directly to the charity.

RAC: Visit Tranquil Miranda, Marry Saffron, Don't Get Killed

Valiant members of my Radion Accelerator Corps brought me this information. (Fortunately, none of them are Bothans, and as such none of them died. Hmm, that gives me an idea...)

Not a joke! Not a hoax! Not prototype pieces you'll never get to own! This is real, folks!

This lovely poster, done in a style reminiscent of Chinese and Soviet Propaganda Art, was created by Adam Levermore-Rich (of Black Market Beagles fame) and is the second fan artist to be acquired by QMx! Hmmm... Blue Sun? Travel? I wonder if this could be the first of many...



Rumor has it that a prototype of one of Adam's first efforts on behalf of QMx will be quietly auctioned off at Saturday's Can't Stop The Serenity screening in San Francisco to raise money for Equality Now (Joss's favorite charity). And even if you can't make it to SF on Saturday, there are other Can't Stop the Serenity screenings in other parts of the world! Go here to find out if there's one near you. If so... GO!

Also, in related Firefly news, Chris Bridges from SerenityStuff.com has told me about his Sing a Song of Saffron contest that runs through the end of the month. If you're a Browncoat who's musically inclined, enter now for a chance win some nifty prizes! (Details and contest rules can be found at the website.)

Shiny!

Nota Bene: This is Monday's missing post. Wednesday's post will come later today.

Loyal Browncoats who ordered the Serenity Blueprints will no doubt have received them in the mail. I implore you to resist the urge to rip into the package willy-nilly! This is a holy relic and as such needs to be treated with respect and reverence. Fortunately for you, dear reader, I will detail the proper procedure for enjoying your Sacred Scrolls.

First, you must create a sacred space. Remove all elements hostile to Firefly, Serenity, and Joss Whedon from the room. This includes any item with the word "Fox" in its name or on its container. (Naturally, your Firefly DVDs and CDs are exempt from this stricture, as they have already been purified by the Holy Name of Joss.)

Once the cleansing of the room is complete, you must now ritually purify yourself. Cleanse your filthy, sweaty body while humming the Firefly theme. Then, dress yourself in garb compatible with the 'Verse. If you lack this basic element, you must strip naked in remembrance of Trash or Our Mrs. Reynolds, as appropriate for your gender.

Next, create an atmosphere that is pleasing unto The Whedon. Scatter elements from the Money Pack upon whichever surface you intend to rest the Blueprints. Arrange your Serenity Action Figures so that they may also partake of the viewing. (You may add plastic dinosaurs if you desire.) Finally, play music from the Serenity or Firefly soundtrack, or play the Series or Movie DVDs. If for some gorram reason you lack this basic element, you may click on the Independent Flag below to play the Ballad of Serenity:


Now you are ready to open the packaging. Using a Big Gorram Knife, carefully cut the tape on the shipping container. Do not discard anything, and be aware of the order in which you unpacked!

Once you have carefully unrolled the Shiny, you may gaze upon it with awe. Savor the heady aroma of freshly-printed high-bond paper. Imagine yourself within the majestic confines of Serenity. Be amazed that this only cost you $99.00 plus s&h -- ten dollars a page, a steal at twice the price!

Be careful, however, that you do not drool upon your Serenity Blueprints. Use a Cunning Hat to absorb your excess saliva, if necessary. If perchance you feel the need to curse, do so only in 'Versespeak:

• Shiny!
• Gorram!
• Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh!

When you are finished, carefully repack your Holy Scrolls in the reverse order in which you opened them. Transport them with much awe and reverence to a climate-controlled reliquary, which should then be placed into an armored, fireproof safe, preferably one with a ten-thousand dollar guarantee.

If at the end of this viewing you feel yourself overcome with grief that such an incredible show was cancelled, you may engage in a Two Minutes Hate against Rupert Murdoch, Fox Network President.

Listen Up, You Primitive Screwheads

Well, my first "theme week" has come to an end, and while I'd like to consider it an unqualified success, it seems like my throwaway post on Saturday has generated more controversy.

Damn you all.

Fine. We'll continue to discuss comics, specifically Civil War #7, for a bit longer, because apparently some people *cough JV cough* don't get it *cough BridgecrewDave cough*.

The summary, courtesy of Wikipedia:

The Secret Avengers break into the Negative Zone Prison, where Hulkling, who has been disguised as Hank Pym, releases imprisoned heroes from their cells to join the fight. Cloak teleports the combatants to New York City, where Namor and an army of Atlanteans fight alongside the Secret Avengers, and the Thunderbolts, the Thor clone, and Captain Marvel join Stark's team. As Captain America is about to deal a final blow to Stark, police, EMTs, and firefighters hold him back. Captain America realizes how much damage the fight has cost the people he says they should be fighting to protect. To prevent more bloodshed, he orders his team to stop fighting and surrenders.

Did you get that? Cap stops fighting a cause he knows is right because the ghost of 9/11 stops him. Are you telling me you can't see that? The living embodiment of our country is kept from defeating a fascist because of the NYPD and FDNY, aka the heroes of ground zero. And then he gives up because he sees property damage in a city that:

1. Has been attacked by Kree, Skrulls, Atlantis, demons from the Inferno, Godzilla, and Galactus his own bad self;
2. Has more super-heroes per square foot than any other place on earth, with the resultant property damage and astronomic insurance rates that come with that.
   

Give me a freaking break.

Now, let's look again at what Joss said:

I said looking around at the destruction of Manhattan didn't have much resonance -- these guys destroy Manhattan all the time! It was the personal act of putting his fist into the face of his powerless one-time friend that would Make Cap feel like a bully, a monster [...]

Cap got past Tony's armor and started beating the poo out of him -- thus becoming exactly what Tony had called them all: a superpowered guy taking it out on a powerless human. Cap realizes this and lay down his arms. (But he wins. Eat that, Stark.)

That is literally the tale.

This ending is so much different, and so much better, because:

1. Cap beats the snot out of Iron Man.
   
2. Cap stops fighting because he realizes he has crossed a line, rather than quitting because of thinly-veiled propaganda.
   
3. Property damage doesn't factor into his decision because Cap is a freaking soldier.
   

This entire fight -- probably the entire series -- could be boiled down to Patriotism vs the Military-Industrial Complex. In Joss' version, Patriotism wins, even if he surrenders afterwards, because he surrenders for the right reason. In Millar's version, the post-9/11 population of America sides with Iron Man and makes Cap stop.

Look, I don't care what your politics are, if you're an American you should be incensed by this. Hell, I'm a pro-war conservative and even I think Cap should have won, and yes I'm fully aware of what that means in this political cartoon we're calling a comic book. I'm sure that Tony's victory is supposed to be some kind of clever commentary about how, post-9/11, we've given up our liberties for a sense of security etc, and how in the months to come repercussions will be felt blah blah freaking blah. That's not the point.

This is the point: Captain America is all that is good and pure and RIGHT about the USA. When the man who fought Hitler stops fighting -- STOPS FIGHTING!! -- someone who puts unregistered superheroes into concentration camps, all because some buildings have been trashed, that's bad characterization. Of course, this entire series has been a poor excuse in getting beloved characters to act in uncharacteristic ways, so I really shouldn't be surprised.

Want to know how I'd have ended it? Cap would have taken Tony's head off (accidentally, of course), had his moment of fear and doubt and shame -- and then it would be revealed that Tony had, in fact, been replaced by a Doombot.

Yes. The entire scope of Civil War would have been masterminded by Doctor Freakin' Doom just to:

1. Compromise American heroes;
2. Sew distrust of said heroes in the minds of the people;
   
3. Screw with Reed.
   

Now that's super-villainy.

(Cartoons courtesy of the ISB)

Because I Feel Like Scooping Chris

As said by Joss himself at Whedonesque:

Hi and briefly: I walked into the infamous Marvel meeting, where they pitched me civil War. Cool enuf, sez I. Then they pitched the end they were currently going with, wherein the woman whose son is killed breaks up the fight between Cap and Iron Man, much like Joanne Dru in "Red River". Not cool enuf, sez I. If the whole thing rests on Cap and Tony's conflict, and they're gonna fight, I sez sez I, somebody's gotta win. I just pitched that Cap got past Tony's armor and started beating the poo out of him -- thus becoming exactly what Tony had called them all: a superpowered guy taking it out on a powerless human. Cap realizes this and lay down his arms. (But he wins. Eat that, Stark.) That is literally the tale. I said looking around at the destruction of Manhattan didn't have much resonance -- these guys destroy Manhattan all the time! It was the personal act of putting his fist into the face of his powerless one-time friend that would Make Cap feel like a bully, a monster, a Nazi and kiddies, I didn't say much else. (Except that a fight between titans broken up by the 'voice of reason' before it ends is a lame fight indeed.) I didn't know Civil War was gonna envelop the whole universe for a year. I didn't know the entire face of Marvel was changing, and though I heard pitches of what's to come, I don't know what stuck. I think I've been given too much credit for all this. Which is sweet, but I wanted to save you all endless speculation. Which I have done, and now back to work. -j.

joss | February 24, 14:36 CET

Bold text added to highlight relevant portions.

Aiming to Misbehave

Joss Whedon's Firefly was, and still is, the most perfect television show ever.



I will not tolerate argument about this. I cannot express how deeply I love this show. If I ever have the chance to travel back in time, I am taking my boxed set of the series and the motion picture and I will find a way to get into the Fox Network boardroom circa 2002 and, if logic fails, I will re-enact Dogma on their asses if that's what it takes to get them to un-cancel it.

Pardon me. I seem to be foaming at the mouth.

A brief summary for those unable or unwilling to follow links: 500 years in the future, humanity has colonized a new solar system. In the wake of a civil war called "Unification", the Central Planets (think typical high-tech sci-fi society) has imposed its will upon the Rim Worlds (think hardscrabble pioneers, miners, and settlers). In the midst of all this is Malcolm Reynolds, captain of the Firefly-class mid-bulk transport Serenity. Mal fought on the Independent (i.e., losing) side of Unification, and now lives a shadowy and frequently illegal existence wherein his main goal is to exist outside the control of central authority.

Mal doesn't know it, but he lives the Discordian dream. He has a ship, and that means freedom. He has a crew who are loyal to him, and that means family. His plans, brilliant as they are, never ever go smoothly, and that's because he's blessed by Eris Herself. Heck, he even shares a name with one of the founders of the Discordian movement: Malaclypse the Younger, aka Mal-2.

In fact, the entire show can be seen as a giant Discordian Manifesto. I never realized it until I saw the picture on Monday, and then found this jewel of a quote in my well-worn Principia:

There is Serenity in Chaos. Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane.

DUDE.

Serenity, the ship, travels the Chaos of space. But at the same time, there is Chaos within Serenity, as the crew squabble and fight with each other as families are wont to do. They are all seeking that center of calm within themselves, that unconquerable feeling of "I am me; I have done the impossible; that makes me mighty" which, though the world surrounding them may thrash and wail, cannot break them. And all of this is done aboard Serenity.

There is Serenity in Chaos. Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane. It's practically a syllogistic koan.

An oft-recurring quote within the series is, "No power in the 'Verse can stop me." This is a fierce statement of independence and empowerment, and was taken up by the fans when the series was cancelled back in 2002. It worked: when the series was released on DVD in 2003, it shot to the top of Amazon.com's bestsellers, and as of today -- four years later -- it is #12 on the Top 100 Bestseller List. Because of this voracious demand, Serenity was released as a major motion picture in 2005.

Failed TV shows don't get made into movies. But the fans didn't listen. No power in the 'verse could stop them.

So let's look at the picture again:

• Gold, for faithfulness.
  
• "No power in the 'verse can stop us."
• Why an apple? Well, in the episode "War Stories", reference is made to "griswalds", tiny pressure-sensitive grenades that were embedded in apples by enemy troops.

Faith. Stubbornness. Hidden power. These are the qualities of a Firefly fan (aka Browncoat), and they are also the qualities of a Discordian (aka Erisian).

Tomorrow: Tying it all together, aka 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.