Kreuzige Ihn!

In Memoriam: Arthur C. Clarke

Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew —
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

— John Gillespie Magee, Jr

My World Is Rocked

I am utterly gobsmacked.

Today, I sent this email to Jason Dobson, my editor and Grand High Poobah over at Another Castle:

Hey Jason,

I've gotten a few requests to review 4th edition D&D. Any chance you can snag me a review copy? (Not even sure that review copies have been released yet, but I do know that 4th ed games are being run at conventions.)

He replied (emphasis added by me):

Hey, cool news!

First, heard back from Wizards on D&D. Turns out they are fans of the site and in particular your writing as well, so kudos! They are getting together numbers on when 4th edition stuffs can be sent over, and are bumping us to the top of the list. Also, where are you located? They are gonna be doing tours at some cities and wanna know if they can count on you being on hand for one of these tours of the new rules and what they have coming up.

I'll keep you posted once I know more :)

Fans?

Of my writing?

This is me, running around like a little girl, screaming at the top of my lungs in excitement and disbelief.


But surely this is a mistake, right? He's pulling my leg, or the WotC rep is being polite. So I pull him up on chat, just to make sure.

Me: So, straight up: they actually said they were fans of my work? Not like they were being polite or whatever, they actually read and enjoyed it?

Jason: Yeah, she knew the site, said she was a fan and liked your writing, and even assumed you would be the one by name who would be handling it.

SWEET BUTTERY ERIN.

They know me by name.

I'm.... I'mma go lie down now... my world is rocked so hard I can't stand up....

Happy St. Paddy's Day

Ah, Flogging Molly... Irish drinking songs meet punk rock. Gotta love it.



Right, then. I'm off to the pub. Have a happy and safe St. Patrick's Day, and remember:

Drink first, fight later, else you'll spill your beer.

Apotheosis Now!

From the Diary of Erin Palette, newly incarnate Goddess of Chaos:

Friday, 14 March
Feeling v. excited about new divinity status.

Rained all day today. Decided I didn't like rain and chose to change it. Went outside and commanded rain to stop falling.

Succeeded only in giving myself killer headache. Ouch. Have decided rain is not in my Goddess portfolio. Stupid rain.

Have decided that rain is Zeus' way of keeping me down. Goth side of me is heartened by this act of patriarchal theocratic oppression.

Have further decided that headaches are part of Goddess portfolio, specifically the giving thereof: If I give headaches to other people maybe mine will go away. Suddenly Eris' bitchiness makes total sense.

Am heartened by this revelation. To celebrate, I go to bed early.


Saturday, 15 March (Ides of March)
Headache gone. Wonder to whom I gave it. Maybe Zeus? Rain is gone today.

Caught up on last 2 weeks of Jericho. V. sad Bonnie killed by Goetz. Stupid Ravenwood.

Wonder if Jake and Major Beck will ever confess forbidden love for each other. Probably never. Hawkins will kill Beck if he tries anything.

Wonder who is prettier, Skeet Ulrich or Esai Morales. Skeet has brooding, stubble-y emo look down pat, but Esai has that razor-sharp, "I iron my underwear" STRAC thing going. Both v. sexy.

Joyously partook of hot dogs without buns for lunch. Should have done this on Friday, but was distracted by Goddess duties. Besides, Ides of March more Discordian anyway, because 1 x 5=5, and Caesar was a Greyface.

Briefly ponder how big a racket this Goddess thing can be. Wonder if I can get sympathetic Discordians to send me $5 tithe on a regular basis.

Decide it would be easier to herd a tub full of wet cats than get Discordians to do anything.

Briefly wonder where to get tubful of cats to test herding hypothesis. Abandon idea when it starts looking like actual work.

Finally get around to making Bad Touché for City of Villains. Am pleased with how skeezy he looks, yet still wish for a floppy hat with a feather. Made do with beret instead.



Still no progress re: life-changing change. Will have to try harder tomorrow.



(Apologies to Cassandra Claire for cribbing her format)


----------------
Now playing: VNV Nation - The Solitary EP - 05 - Freude (schlachtfeld version by Wumpscut)
via FoxyTunes

Hail Erin!

I am the source of all my problems.

This realization came to me as I was driving home from my birthday party. I won't bore you with the hows and whys of it, because this was a satori, a sudden case of "Oh, I get it now" driven into my brain at a time when I was so tired that all of my usual self-loving, rationalizing walls of bullshit were nonfunctional.

I have only myself to blame for the situation I'm in.

It's that simple. It really is that simple. Sure, crap happens that I have no control over, but how I react to it is completely under my control.

And I have utterly botched it.

The reason my life sucks right now? Because I'm not motivated enough to change it.

It's ugly 'cuz it's true, folks. I'd rather whine about unfair life is than, you know, get off my ever-spreading ass and change my current situation.

Because that would require work.

And somewhere along the line, probably as a kid, I got it in my head that Smart people don't have to work to succeed. And I skated along, just getting by on talent, when if I had busted my ass I could have really made something of myself at this point.

I have failed myself on an unfathomable level.

Because I allowed myself to get comfortable.

Because I settled for what was attainable instead of what I wanted.

Because it was easier to just give up and go with the flow, instead of struggling to swim upstream.

And now, looking back upon the desolation that is my life, all I can see is that for thirty-five years I have been doing nothing but taking up space.

Fuck this.

Fuck ALL of this.

And that's exactly what I'll do.

What I need, you see, is a good old Life Fuck-Up. I need my world to be uprooted, turned upside down, burnt to the ground and then scattered to the four winds (with the earth salted for good measure) because I can't be allowed to be comfortable any longer.

I need to be really uncomfortable so that I'm motivated to improve my life.

I'm about to do something really massively unwise, people, and I invite you all to sit and enjoy the trainwreck that my life is about to become.

Some of you are my friends, and are no doubt worried that I'm going to do something drastic and stupid like a suicide attempt. Well, you're half-right; it'll definitely be drastic. Only hindsight will determine whether or not it was stupid.

If you're truly worried about me, you know how to get in touch with me. I freely admit that when I get on these self-destructive kicks I lose all sense of perspective, and try to (metaphorically) burn down the house when really all I need to do is get out more often.

I concede that I am about to be highly irrational about something. You can't talk me out of it, BUT maybe you can steer me in the right direction. Yes, this is in all likelihood a plea for attention, but that doesn't invalidate the premise that I need a sudden, irreversible life change.

Besides, I don't quite know what it is I'm gonna do just yet. I haven't yet ramped up to full-on manic psychosis yet. Right now I'm just pacing the halls, muttering darkly about radical change while amped on sugar and caffeine and generally making John Forbes Nash look stable in comparison. But when I decide on exactly how I'm gonna self-destruct, look out.

I mean, the last time I went on a bender, I pissed off an entire country.

Hail Eris.

No -- wait a minute.

Fuck Eris.

This is the most Discordian thing I've ever done. I'm internalizing the ethos, embodying all that simultaneously creative and destructive about Chaos. I am changing my life, whatever it costs me, and I have no backup plan (because that would make me comfortable).

I am become Chaos. I am its avatar, its incarnation. Other Discordians can be POEE Priests, or Episkoposes, or even =POPES=. But I'll go one step further (because anything worth doing is worth over-doing, right?):

I am Eris, immaculately deceived and clothed in flesh. Which is why the bitch never answered my prayers in the first place. It all makes sense now.

Hail me?

Hail yes!

Hail Erin.


----------------
Now playing: Bow Ever Down - Self Destruct
via FoxyTunes

WNW: Simon's Cat