Friday, March 23, 2007

Reader Mail Day

It's Friday, and Fridays mean Discordianism. But I don't wanna talk about Eris today.

So I won't. I mean, what's the good of following a Philosophy of Chaos if you're gonna be slavishly bound to it, right? By refusing to conform I am actually upholding the sacred strictures.

Instead, I think I'm going to answer some viewer mail. I can't believe the attention I've gotten since Chris linked to me.

Dear Erin: why does your profile have a picture of cleavage? I'd think you were above such things.

Psychology, dear reader. The simple fact is that men are more likely to surf the web than women, and thus men are more likely to read my blog. However, men also have a notoriously short attention span. A picture of a bosom is guaranteed to catch the male eye, and maybe persuade them to look at the wordy-things surrounding it.

r thse ur boobz? if so y do u no have pix of ur face

First, learn to spell. Do you have any idea how retarded you sound in my head when I read that? I swear, every time I encounter "txt spk" I can't help but imagine it being said by a stoned surfer.

Second, I don't have a picture of my face because I treasure my anonymity. My father has run for political office before, and may do so again, and so in the interest of filial loyalty I'm not going to do anything which could have negative connotations for him or his future campaigns.


Is your name really Erin Palette?

Sadly, no. My true name is unpronounceable by mortal tongues, hence I have adopted this nom de plume.

What kind of guns do you like?

I have a fondness for the old-school Colt M1911A1. The .45 cal round is pretty much guaranteed to knock down anyone or anything I hit. Sure, I only have a 7-round magazine, but I don't intend to get into extended gunfights any time soon, and my hands are too small to comfortably hold a double-stack anyway. It does kick like a mule, though.

I also like the Winchester Super X3 Composite. It's a sweet little 12-gauge that's a little over 7 pounds. I haven't fired it as much as I'd like, though.

What are your thoughts on gun control?

Gun control is using both hands when shooting.

Seriously, if I ever find anyone in my house, I will empty my weapon at them. Why? Because if they're in my house, then for all I know they intend to rape and/or kill me, so I intend to kill them first. And I will kill them, because I don't intend to be sued by my would-be assailant for "excessive force."

your stories suck

Then send me what you've written, Shakespeare. I'll be happy to post it here and let the internet critics rip you a new one.

I'm confused. You're a Christian and a Discordian? How can you be both?

Well, it's like this: One is a philosophy, the other is a religion. Go to a Pentecostal service some time and you'll see Chaotic Christianity in action.

You're going to Hell.

I'll save a spot by the lake of fire for you.

No comments:

Post a Comment

The Fine Print

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution- Noncommercial- No Derivative Works 3.0 License.

Creative Commons License

Erin Palette is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to